Re: [SPAM]Re: Getting my son into college

[Guest guest]

Hi I had a foster child also. I loved the heck out of her and was in the process of adopting her. We did everything together and went to all the school functions. When she was 15 and the proceedings were under way she started hanging around with a lot of wild kids. Sneaking out because it was cool to fool the adult. Adoption fell through, she was moved to a group home and I was left without my Kari. I was sad, upset, totally downed for a long time. I blamed myself for everything. Today she is 23 and I see her a lot. She is in College doing well and thanks me for everything. She still calls me MOM and in my opinion has turned out to be a great kid with a wonderful future. So there is hope at the end of the night. Do the best you can and let the children make mistakes, just be there to lend a hand when they yell HELP.

Parents make mistakes too, at least I do. Should have watched for the signs I guess.

I just thought you would like to hear of a good ending to the children growing up story.

Thanks and God Bless

Jackie

RE: Re: Getting my son into college

This is just my 2 cents, I have a son who just finished high school in May, well when he was in 9th, 10th, and so on, I kept telling him he needed to keep his grades up to get into college, he is a smart kid but got lazy one year, maybe 10th, anyway he missed getting into college here local by 1 point, now he is doing his first year at Jr. College and has to keep his grades up and be full time then he can transfer into College at semester or next year, I think that now he wishes he would of listen, although he is saving a ton of money by taking these classes at a Jr. College instead of university.

I guess my point is that we some times need to let them deal with their actions or lack of.

My older son is still home and not doing much, he has some mental health issues but I’ve been told I am an enabler, and need to back out of the role, so guess I wasn’t with the 2nd one and he is figuring it out for himself, does this make any sense. I guess don’t make yourself crazy over it, if he wants to go he will make it happen, myself like you was on my own for college too, being one of 6, my parents were just happy when we graduated from high school, college was up to me. I too was moved out living on my own working full time going to night school. So sometimes I think we make life too easy for them J I hope that helps?? Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of kathy_ceamooreSent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PMTo: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Getting my son into college

>> Hello All,> > This is so off topic from what is being discussed in group, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a senior in high school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing anything to actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools, was like an act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't follow through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much instruction at once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do. I'm not exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out. > > When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my own apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on my parents to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother had already told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they had no money for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom was in drug rehab at the time).> > Anywhoooo...> > I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all the prospective college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it. Am I enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says he wants to go to college, but Geez...> > If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was able to vent my frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another millisecond, Imma have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage.> > Naa Koshie> > > "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." > > ~ Washington Carver>Dear Naa,Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than three years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to decide on a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked out in the first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this is not true of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the rest of his life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck.

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[Guest guest]

Thanks Jackie, It does help to know that someone else has been there done that.. Damian has snuck out of the house too, low and behold the electricity in the whole town went off and I thought we had just blown a fuse.. So I go in his room to ask him to change it, because he knows where they are, etc.. his bed had the blankets rolled up in it just like on tv.. I called his cell phone and it said.. "yo, I'm not here right now".. hmmm, so my reply was "yo, I see that your not here right now.. but if I were you I'd be finding my way back here in a hurry!" He was back home in 15 min, some girls had called and asked him to go riding..and he could have gone.. I wouldn't have objected to that as long as he was back home by 2am.. that's his curfew, and I stick to that he's 17.. I make mistakes too, and I'm sure I've said things that shouldn't have been said in anger, as has he., He does have some friends that usually if he's been around them then a big issue arrives.. and yeah he was with them on Friday night and this happened Saturday..

I'm just tired, I guess of him handing me my heart back in his hand.. I've invested the last 12 years in this kid.. I can't give up..and don't want to.. I just want to be respected for at least loving him..Seems like such a small thing..doesn't it?

Thanks again,

RE: Re: Getting my son into college

This is just my 2 cents, I have a son who just finished high school in May, well when he was in 9th, 10th, and so on, I kept telling him he needed to keep his grades up to get into college, he is a smart kid but got lazy one year, maybe 10th, anyway he missed getting into college here local by 1 point, now he is doing his first year at Jr. College and has to keep his grades up and be full time then he can transfer into College at semester or next year, I think that now he wishes he would of listen, although he is saving a ton of money by taking these classes at a Jr. College instead of university.

I guess my point is that we some times need to let them deal with their actions or lack of.

My older son is still home and not doing much, he has some mental health issues but I’ve been told I am an enabler, and need to back out of the role, so guess I wasn’t with the 2nd one and he is figuring it out for himself, does this make any sense. I guess don’t make yourself crazy over it, if he wants to go he will make it happen, myself like you was on my own for college too, being one of 6, my parents were just happy when we graduated from high school, college was up to me. I too was moved out living on my own working full time going to night school. So sometimes I think we make life too easy for them J I hope that helps?? Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of kathy_ceamooreSent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PMTo: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Getting my son into college

>> Hello All,> > This is so off topic from what is being discussed in group, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a senior in high school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing anything to actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools, was like an act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't follow through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much instruction at once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do. I'm not exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out. > > When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my own apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on my parents to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother had already told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they had no money for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom was in drug rehab at the time).> > Anywhoooo...> > I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all the prospective college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it. Am I enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says he wants to go to college, but Geez...> > If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was able to vent my frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another millisecond, Imma have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage.> > Naa Koshie> > > "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." > > ~ Washington Carver>Dear Naa,Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than three years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to decide on a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked out in the first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this is not true of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the rest of his life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck.

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