Getting my son into college

[Guest guest]

Stu,

All we can do is do the best we can with our kids. They have minds of

their own and no matter what, they are going to use them. Both of my

boys dropped out of college. One went to the shipyard and got and

apprentiship and the other went to a tech college and got an associates

in computers. They both have good jobs, wives, homes and better stuff

than Iwill ever have. I almost pulled all of my hair out when they

dropped out but now things are settled. I sure something else will come

up but right now it is status quo.

Just do the best you can and when it is too stressful for you take a

step back. Your health is more important than stress.

Terri G.

[Guest guest]

Its helped me Marla a lot.. I have a senior in high school that wants to be grown and do things beyond his experience. Well, I've just come to the conclusion that I'm gonna let him.. but, that comes with keeping his own laundry, his own food, and taking his own dog outside. He needed a mom when he was 5, he's 17 not exactly what I think makes a man, but he thinks otherwise, if college is in his future then so be it.. he's always wanted to go but also always wanted to play more than study. We shall see.. At 18 he's going somewhere, does it show we had a fight last night????

RE: Re: Getting my son into college

This is just my 2 cents, I have a son who just finished high school in May, well when he was in 9th, 10th, and so on, I kept telling him he needed to keep his grades up to get into college, he is a smart kid but got lazy one year, maybe 10th, anyway he missed getting into college here local by 1 point, now he is doing his first year at Jr. College and has to keep his grades up and be full time then he can transfer into College at semester or next year, I think that now he wishes he would of listen, although he is saving a ton of money by taking these classes at a Jr. College instead of university.

I guess my point is that we some times need to let them deal with their actions or lack of.

My older son is still home and not doing much, he has some mental health issues but I’ve been told I am an enabler, and need to back out of the role, so guess I wasn’t with the 2nd one and he is figuring it out for himself, does this make any sense. I guess don’t make yourself crazy over it, if he wants to go he will make it happen, myself like you was on my own for college too, being one of 6, my parents were just happy when we graduated from high school, college was up to me. I too was moved out living on my own working full time going to night school. So sometimes I think we make life too easy for them J I hope that helps?? Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of kathy_ceamooreSent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PMTo: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Getting my son into college

>> Hello All,> > This is so off topic from what is being discussed in group, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a senior in high school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing anything to actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools, was like an act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't follow through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much instruction at once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do. I'm not exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out. > > When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my own apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on my parents to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother had already told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they had no money for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom was in drug rehab at the time).> > Anywhoooo...> > I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all the prospective college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it. Am I enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says he wants to go to college, but Geez...> > If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was able to vent my frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another millisecond, Imma have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage.> > Naa Koshie> > > "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." > > ~ Washington Carver>Dear Naa,Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than three years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to decide on a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked out in the first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this is not true of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the rest of his life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.35/1039 - Release Date: 9/29/2007 9:46 PM

[Guest guest]

Marla, that helped alot. As a matter of fact everyone's input has helped alot. My son's principal goes to our church and works in the youth ministry. He talked to my son at youth group and has also allowed him to work with him during school. What a blessing! I mean really, this is a public school principal. He lives in the neighborhood and helps many families. It was kind of weird yesterday, our daughters are the same age and played against each other in soccer. They beat us 4 - 2.I understand that everyone is not college material. I've gone over many options with my son (). I think going to Jr. College is great. As a parent, and someone who has lived on this earth for close to 40 years you know how harsh life can be if you are not skilled in something,

ANYTHING. And as someone with an incurable disease, I realize the importance of time. Wherever his path takes him, I want him to be prepared as much as he can be cuz life is tricky, man. So, whether it be college, jr. college, devry, lincoln tech, clown school, or whatever I want him to pursue something with vigor and enthusiasm. I think that is what worries me so much, his apathy. Thank you for taking the time to answer.Naa KoshieMarla Bramer wrote: This is just my 2 cents, I have a son who just finished high school in May, well when he was in 9th, 10th, and so on, I kept telling him he needed to keep his grades up to get into college, he is a smart kid but got lazy one year, maybe 10th, anyway he missed getting into college here local by 1 point, now he is doing his first year at Jr. College and has to keep his grades up and be full time then he can transfer into College at semester or next year, I think that now he wishes he would of listen, although he is saving a ton of money by taking these classes at a Jr. College instead of university. I guess my point is that we some times need to let them deal with their actions or lack of. My older son is still home and not doing much, he has some mental health issues but I’ve been told I am an enabler, and need to back out of the role, so guess I wasn’t with the 2nd one and he is figuring it out for himself, does this make any sense. I guess don’t make yourself crazy over it, if he wants to go he will make it happen, myself like you was on my own for college too, being one of 6, my parents were just happy when we graduated from high school, college was up to me. I too was moved out living on my own working full time going to night school. So sometimes I think we make life too easy for them J I hope that helps?? Marla From: Neurosarcoidosis

[mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of kathy_ceamoore Sent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PM To: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Getting my son into college > > Hello All, > > This is so off topic from what is being

discussed in group, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a senior in high school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing anything to actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools, was like an act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't follow through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much instruction at once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do. I'm not exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out. > > When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my own apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on my parents to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother had already

told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they had no money for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom was in drug rehab at the time). > > Anywhoooo... > > I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all the prospective college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it. Am I enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says he wants to go to college, but Geez... > > If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was able to vent my frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another millisecond, Imma have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage. > > Naa Koshie > > > "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate

with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." > > ~ Washington Carver > Dear Naa, Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than three years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to decide on a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked out in the first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this is not true of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the rest of his life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck. "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the

strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." ~ Washington Carver

[Guest guest]

That’s

ok , I’ve many fights with my kids, esp. the boys, esp the oldest

now 22, in fact he thinks he can tell me what he thinks about things in my

life, such as when he asked to carry the items from my van into the house, he’ll

say “Do you really need another purse?” learned this from his Dad, I

say, it’s none of your business I certainly do not need two (now three)

adult males in this house telling me what to do.

My oldest

told us when he was 17 that he was going to move out, his Dad said OK fine, but

you can only take the clothes on our back, and that is being generous, considering

we paid for everything else, so no car, no cell phone, no etc……… 

well guess what he didn’t move out after all! The things they forget when

they think they are adults, lol.   Marla

From:

Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of topdat@...

Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2007

8:19 AM

To:

Neurosarcoidosis

Subject: Re:

Re: Getting my son into college

Its helped me Marla a lot.. I have a senior in high school

that wants to be grown and do things beyond his experience. Well, I've just

come to the conclusion that I'm gonna let him.. but, that comes with keeping

his own laundry, his own food, and taking his own dog outside. He needed a mom

when he was 5, he's 17 not exactly what I think makes a man, but he thinks

otherwise, if college is in his future then so be it.. he's always wanted to go

but also always wanted to play more than study. We shall see.. At 18 he's going

somewhere, does it show we had a fight last night????

Re:

Getting my son into college

>

> Hello All,

>

> This is so off topic from what is being discussed in group, but I wanted

to find out if

anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a

senior in high

school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing

anything to

actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools,

was like an

act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't

follow

through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much

instruction at

once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do.

I'm not

exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out.

>

> When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my

own

apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on

my parents

to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother

had already

told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they

had no money

for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom

was in

drug rehab at the time).

>

> Anywhoooo...

>

> I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all

the prospective

college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it.

Am I

enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says

he wants to

go to college, but Geez...

>

> If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was

able to vent my

frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another

millisecond, Imma

have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage.

>

> Naa Koshie

>

>

> " How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young,

compassionate

with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the

strong.

Because someday in life you will have been all of these. "

>

> ~ Washington Carver

>

Dear Naa,

Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than

three

years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to

decide on

a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked

out in the

first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this

is not true

of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the

rest of his

life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck.

size=2 width="100%" align=center>

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9:46 PM

[Guest guest]

, I already put in my two cents re: my son Brad, but here goes a couple more pennies! I think it's a decision that has to be made by each family, for each child. What I hate to see is a family that pays for 5 or 6 years of college, along with the housing, car, etc., while the child changes majors 2 or 3 times, flunks some classes, parties, etc. Unless the family has a lot of money, they are going to be spending retirement funds. It doesn't make much sense to me to spend a ton of money to educate your kids, only to have to depend on them to support you later. The interesting thing with Brad was that the first semester, which HE paid for (his savings & a small scholarship), he went to his classes & did most of his work, making decent grades. Then came the second semester, which his dad & I paid for, and you can guess what happened. I'm not saying that every child is like that, but I do believe that many of us, adults as well as kids, will put in a lot more effort when we are giving up something for the opportunity. And the truth is, they can always go later.

(my granddaughter, for the newbies. I was her guardian for 4 years) continued to make lousy grades, get in trouble, pop in & out of the girls' school & juvenile detention, despite being very bright & being given every opportunity I could provide--tutoring, change of schools, mentors. She dropped out her senior year & got a GED in girls' school. She always talked about going to college; possibly working with troubled kids like herself. She's 18 now, with some warrants out for her, living with her boyfriend & working at minimum-wage jobs. But I've reminded her that it's never too late. She can turn herself in, deal with the consequences, then move on. It will probably be more difficult & take longer, but if she really wants it, she can still get that education. But until she changes her lifestyle & attitude, my opinion is that college, on any level, would be wasted on her. I have faith that someday, when the time is right, that Sam will turn things around. I just hope that she doesn't dig herself in much deeper first, or have kids that she isn't emotionally equipped to care for.

A state prison located near here recently had graduation ceremonies for a number of inmates, I'm thinking 20-25, who earned 4-year degrees from Ball State University ( Letterman's alma mater). A few of them even earned cum laude & magna cum laude honors! Most of them will be leaving prison in the next few years, although there are some who may remain incarcerated for life. But having that degree means something to all of them, & it certainly should open some doors for those getting out. That's a hard road to go, and I don't want or expect Sam to do it, but if she keeps making poor choices, she could end up in prison. I'm grateful that Indiana provides the opportunity for even prison inmates to improve their education.

Ramblin' RoseModerator A merry heart is good medicine. Proverbs 17:22

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these."

~ Washington Carver

To: Neurosarcoidosis From: topdat@...Date: Sun, 30 Sep 2007 10:19:04 -0500Subject: Re: Re: Getting my son into college

Its helped me Marla a lot.. I have a senior in high school that wants to be grown and do things beyond his experience. Well, I've just come to the conclusion that I'm gonna let him.. but, that comes with keeping his own laundry, his own food, and taking his own dog outside. He needed a mom when he was 5, he's 17 not exactly what I think makes a man, but he thinks otherwise, if college is in his future then so be it.. he's always wanted to go but also always wanted to play more than study. We shall see.. At 18 he's going somewhere, does it show we had a fight last night????

RE: Re: Getting my son into college

This is just my 2 cents, I have a son who just finished high school in May, well when he was in 9th, 10th, and so on, I kept telling him he needed to keep his grades up to get into college, he is a smart kid but got lazy one year, maybe 10th, anyway he missed getting into college here local by 1 point, now he is doing his first year at Jr. College and has to keep his grades up and be full time then he can transfer into College at semester or next year, I think that now he wishes he would of listen, although he is saving a ton of money by taking these classes at a Jr. College instead of university.

I guess my point is that we some times need to let them deal with their actions or lack of.

My older son is still home and not doing much, he has some mental health issues but I’ve been told I am an enabler, and need to back out of the role, so guess I wasn’t with the 2nd one and he is figuring it out for himself, does this make any sense. I guess don’t make yourself crazy over it, if he wants to go he will make it happen, myself like you was on my own for college too, being one of 6, my parents were just happy when we graduated from high school, college was up to me. I too was moved out living on my own working full time going to night school. So sometimes I think we make life too easy for them J I hope that helps?? Marla

From: Neurosarcoidosis [mailto:Neurosarcoidosis ] On Behalf Of kathy_ceamooreSent: Friday, September 28, 2007 3:13 PMTo: Neurosarcoidosis Subject: Re: Getting my son into college

>> Hello All,> > This is so off topic from what is being discussed in group, but I wanted to find out if anyone else has gone through or is currently going through this. My son is a senior in high school. This kid is BRILLIANT but besides getting good grades, he is not doing anything to actually get into college. To get him to simply give me his choices of schools, was like an act of Congress. I give him tasks to complete with deadlines and he doesn't follow through. Now, I know teenagers can be flaky, so I don't give him too much instruction at once. But GOOD GRIEF this kid hasn't completed anything I have asked him to do. I'm not exaggerating, nothing! I am allowing this kid to seriously stress me out. > > When I graduated from high school, I got myself into college and found my own apartment off campus and got myself a job to pay for it all. I didn't depend on my parents to get anything done for me. Well, as the oldest of five children, my mother had already told me that if I wanted to get into school, I better do it by myself cuz they had no money for me for school and she had to deal with the rest of my siblings (one of whom was in drug rehab at the time).> > Anywhoooo...> > I'm just so angry right now because he missed a deadline to schedule all the prospective college's open house dates and put them on the calendar, so I went and did it. Am I enabling him by doing all the leg work when he doesn't? I don't know. He says he wants to go to college, but Geez...> > If I don't get a response about this, I'm thankful that I at least was able to vent my frustration. Cuz seriously, if I have to deal with his attitude for another millisecond, Imma have to pick up something blunt and rusty and do some damage.> > Naa Koshie> > > "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." > > ~ Washington Carver>Dear Naa,Your son sounds like my older brother-He was out of high school for more than three years before he decided to go to colledge. It took him more than four months to decide on a colledge (He choose one close to home) And than when he got in, He flunked out in the first semester. Mabe some people are just chronic underachievers. I hope this is not true of your son and that he will wake up and understand that this could effect the rest of his life. We're Praying for you and for him, Good Luck.

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[Guest guest]

,

I can't help but respond to your pain about Damian. Over the years, I know you have had to climb some mountains-- just to be able to love him.

We take so personnally the rejections-- their drinking, their smoking, their lying, their sneaking out-- and lady-- IT'S NOT PERSONAL!!

He is trying to find "his" way-- and he hasn't a clue. What all the other friends he's hanging with are telling him-- is their concept of the "grass is greener."

We know the story, and we know that giving up the love and support he has isn't going to be replaced by anything functional elsewhere. The blind leading the blind is a good way to find yourself falling over the cliff.

Yet, sometimes it's that fall that makes them realize what they have. I know you need his help. I know that you don't get help from him or your parents. But lady, you cannot take his stuff as a personal failure. This happens even in "normal" homes.

It may take awhile, but Damian will realize how lucky and blessed he is-- it may be when he's holding his own child in his arms-- and the challenges of parenting come up.

Hold on to the thought-- the promise that he will find his way. You've put the foundation down-- and it sure hasn't been in quicksand.

Know you are loved, by him and by us,

TracieSee what's new at AOL.com and Make AOL Your Homepage.