Guest guest Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 Tracie, Again you have such words of wisdom and such clarity of issues!!! For me, the hardest thing was to realize that the treatment I was getting from my husband was abuse. I had never even imagined in all my wildest dreams that his control issues were abusive. I had just gotten so used to them over time that I no longer questioned his behavior, or its effect on me, or my kids. So, that was a BIG wake up call when the marriage counselor brought that up. I was in such denial. On top of that, I always felt guilty because I was sick, and in some part of my mind, I was buying the whole thing that he was telling me that it was all in my head, and to get over it. If only I could... Then, with this illness and the wonderful symptoms that change from day to day, I never knew what I could say," yeah, I'll do that", and then be able to follow through. We never know what kind of day we're going to have, do we?? So, he took that kind of stuff and made me the lazy, hypochondriac, whatever, he imagined I was being. It was hard to stand up for myself and not make excuses for what I can and cannot do on any given day. I am not what I accomplish, plain and simple. And so, my friends, we do need to stand up for ourselves and not let others define us by what they expect of us. Easier said than done. Bonnie B.Delicious ideas to please the pickiest eaters. Watch the video on AOL Living. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 21, 2008 Report Share Posted February 21, 2008 Tracie, is so right and I just want to add that not only is the stress of what you are doing will make you worse, but even the verbal abuse can cause great stress. I believe that stress caused me to come out of remission this last time, about 7 or 8 years ago, and my husband was not supportive and helpful, he expected me to doing everything too, in fact I had our house packed up and moved on a weekend he chose to climb a mountain with his brother, I worked made sure my daughter got to and from the daycare, etc.. I can go on, I'm sure he would of had me scoping snow too; except we have two boys who can do that,I could go on, but you get the point, I was getting ill and trying to hide it, one so he would not get mad at me for getting sick, and I just did not want to deal with it, but of course that was the last time I was in remission, not 7 years later I continue to get worse, yes he gets it now, and is wonderful and supportive, someone even comes in and cleans my house, but we went through years of counseling together to get there, I am back in counseling and he said he would come any time he thinks I need him too. So you see life can get better, I am a very blessed even though I'm sick. Get help it will be so worth it. God Bless Marla Once again we end up sharing about the challenges of living with autoimmune disease and how it can effect our relationships. Sometimes, we end up in hard places, and it's easy to expend a tremendous amount of energy on trying to help others figure out what they need to do. When a spouse or partner is name-calling, finger pointing, abusing physically, emotionally or with drugs or alcohol-- it's hard for all of us not to jump in and try to rescue those involved. We all know that in an abusive relationship-- you have to make choices. Hard choices. You can get counselling for yourself, or you can get counselling with your spouse-- or both. If the pattern of abuse is what you lived with previously, and you are now in a relationship that is showing signs of the same type of problem--- then it is time to figure out why you keep repeating this kind of relationship. That has to be done with the assistance of trained counselors. We all know that this behaviour causes great emotional pain and stress to not only those involved, but also to those in the community that want to rescue that person. In most every town and city there are places to go if you are being abused. You may have to search them out by calling your local law enforcement agency. They will tell you that you have to file a formal complaint in order to find out where they are at-- as anyone could just call and ask for the address-- and if that person was the abuser-- then they put the whole place at risk. So there is protocol to follow. It is okay to set limits as to what you can do. I doubt any of us can shovel a driveway, or dig out cars. So set some limits. If he doesn't get it-- let him throw his temper tantrum-- he'll get over it-- or not.. If not, then he can choose to move on. Please seek the help of a counselor-- so that you can resolve these issues, and know that is what every person on the site is telling you-- get help. We aren't able to do it for you- Sincerely, Tracie NS Co-owner/moderator Delicious ideas to please the pickiest eaters. Watch the video on AOL Living. -- Marla BramerIndependent Beauty Consultant Kay mbramer@...www.marykay.com/mbramer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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