Re: Having options is not always easy

[Guest guest]

The problem with choices is that we have to make

choices! Boy, reading your posting reminds me how

glad I am that I don't have to GO through that

any more. Don't get me wrong! I had a lot of fun

dating (meeting guys through the internet) after

my previous husband died, but I'm VERY glad I

have settled down. A lot less emotionally unsettling!

Just remember, you don't have to necessarily

decide right now. See how it goes. Remain

flexible. As you know, some options will fall by

the wayside naturally, some will explode, perhaps

even traumatically (had a few of those in my

dating days!), some will evolve into friendships,

and one will emerge as " The One! " I found that

the more I tried to force things, to decide RIGHT

NOW who I would spend the rest of my life with,

the less well it worked. Kind of a " let go and let God " situation.

Stay true to yourself, your ethics, your goals

and ideals, and what should happen will happen!

At 10:08 04/11/2006, you wrote:

>Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

>marathon training. Ha!

Eleanor Oster

eleanor@... (personal address)

www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

San , CA

Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

~5'9 " tall

05/09/2003 319 Orientation

07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

[Guest guest]

Very good advice Eleanor.

Protect your beautiful heart Francisco. Remember sometimes we fail to

see what is right in front of us for focusing too hard on the

horizon!!

Love to you my friend

> >Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

> >marathon training. Ha!

>

> Eleanor Oster

> eleanor@... (personal address)

> www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

> San , CA

> Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

> P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

> ~5'9 " tall

> 05/09/2003 319 Orientation

> 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

> Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

>

[Guest guest]

Eleanor:

You are so right. I really have to work on my patience, but that is

easier said than done.

I should just enjoy each date in the moment trying not to envision

the guy as a future husband (wow, that's gonna take practice since,

if one believes anything about astrology, Cancers size up every date

as a potential partner, and that is SO me.)

Anyway, one day at a time. One date at a time. And tonight Maurizio

and I are having a romantic, candle-lit dinner overlooking the Bay.

I'm looking forward to that and the promised, post-dinner stroll

along the Piers, Ghirardelli Square, Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39.

Even if it rains, I won't care. I've got an umbrella big enought for

two.

Francisco

> >Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

> >marathon training. Ha!

>

> Eleanor Oster

> eleanor@... (personal address)

> www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

> San , CA

> Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

> P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

> ~5'9 " tall

> 05/09/2003 319 Orientation

> 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

> Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

>

[Guest guest]

Oh :

You always know what's going on in my heart. You understand me so

well.

Thanks, my dear WLS twin.

Francisco

> > >Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

> > >marathon training. Ha!

> >

> > Eleanor Oster

> > eleanor@ (personal address)

> > www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

> > San , CA

> > Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

> > P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

> > ~5'9 " tall

> > 05/09/2003 319 Orientation

> > 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

> > Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That sounds so sweet, I almost hope it DOES rain!

Have fun, and take care of you!

At 11:59 04/11/2006, you wrote:

>Anyway, one day at a time. One date at a

>time. And tonight Maurizio and I are having a

>romantic, candle-lit dinner overlooking the

>Bay. I'm looking forward to that and the

>promised, post-dinner stroll along the Piers,

>Ghirardelli Square, Fisherman's Wharf and Pier 39.

>

>Even if it rains, I won't care. I've got an umbrella big enought for two.

>

>Francisco

Eleanor Oster

eleanor@... (personal address)

www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

San , CA

Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

~5'9 " tall

05/09/2003 319 Orientation

07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

[Guest guest]

Its that connection thingy we have Francisco...

My prayer for you is to find the love you are looking for. Some one

that will allow you to reach your goals and dreams and be right there

beside you. You WILL find him Francisco...your heart is too precious

for some one not to cherish it. When he comes, you will appreciate

him all the more for having searched for so long. And he will be

worthy of YOU!!

> > > >Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating

and

> > > >marathon training. Ha!

> > >

> > > Eleanor Oster

> > > eleanor@ (personal address)

> > > www.smallboxes.com/gastricbypass.htm

> > > San , CA

> > > Open RNY (100 cm bypassed) 07/15/2003

> > > P. Fisher, M.D., Kaiser Richmond (CA)

> > > ~5'9 " tall

> > > 05/09/2003 319 Orientation

> > > 07/15/2003 ~290 Surgery

> > > Current 157±2 Goal until plastics?

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Francisco, how I have missed your postings! Glad you're back.

PEGGY

>

> Hello everyone:

>

> I've been out of the loop for a while, and I thought it was time to

> get back into the swing of things. I've been reading all your

posts,

> but I've just not had the time nor the mental energy to respond too

> much. New job, new men, lots of dates.

>

> Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

> marathon training. Ha!

>

> Well, I remember a time when I had few dating options, if any.

First

> of all, I was in a long-term relationship for 11 years (which I

ended

> a year ago). Secondly, even when I wasn't in a relationship, my

body

> image was such an impediment to getting to know guys. I was just

way

> too uncomfortable in my own skin.

>

> Now, so much has changed, and I thought those changes would make

life

> somehow easier. Well, the physical things of life are easier; I

> don't worry about breaking chairs, and I can fit anywhere a normal

> weighted person can fit. I can run 14 miles with twenty-somethings

> and feel GREAT.

>

> But with normal weight come choices, and the choices are not easy.

> Dating has been fun, a LOT of fun. But I have gotten my heart

> trampled on a couple of times.

>

> And now, yet again, I find myself at a cross roads. Their names

are

> and Maurizio.

>

> is a Research Fellow with a PhD in mathematics from

Princeton.

> He's 52, slender, cute as a button, hairy (a good thing for me)

> sweet, gentle, soft-spoken.

>

> Maurizio is a chemist with a PhD from Stanford. He's 38, tall,

with

> dark hair and blue-green-gray eyes (they are spectacular; he is

> worldly, fun, and sexy. He's from Italy, and speaks with an

Italian

> accent that makes me weak at the knees.

>

> and I met at a square dancing event. We've spent the last

> three weekends together, but there are a couple of things that are

> uncertain. I don't know what he's looking for (and I haven't asked

> him). I don't know if he just wants to date casually, or if he's

> looking for a serious relationship. Also, is an atheist. I

> have no problem with that in terms of my own spirituality, however,

> ideally, in a relationship, I'd want someone who's spirituality was

> more similar to my own—some spiritual practice, some belief in

> something greater than just us, a random set of circumstances that

> led to such beauty on this earth. But 's a dancer, and he

took

> me two-stepping. His Sundance Saloon buddies asked him who

> the " hottie " was on his arm. Yikes, there were referring to me,

but

> OK, so I was decked out in my black cowboy hat, boots and leather

> vest, black jeans and black muscle shirt with my tattoos blazing.

> Shadow dancing with was just so hot and sensual, and slow

> dancing to a country waltz is the nearest thing to heaven I can

> imagine.

>

> Maurizio, on the other hand, is a more recent arrival in my dating

> stable. We've only been out on one date, but the chemistry is

there

> (hmmm… chemistry with a chemist). He speaks Italian, I speak

> Spanish, we both speak a little French, and of course, we both

speak

> English. Talk about interesting tongues! Maurizio and I met when

he

> replied to a personal ad I placed on craigslist. We are both on

the

> same page about what we want—serious dating with the hope of

building

> a foundation for a long-term relationship. Maurizio also dreams of

> having a child, and he's also more spiritually similar to me than

> .

>

> So this is my quandary—being OK with the uncertainty, being patient

> with the whole process and letting it evolve and unfold they way it

> should. But I will eventually have to make a choice, because I'd

be

> most comfortable getting off the dating-go-round, and settling down

> with just one guy. Will I make the right choice? And who's heart

> will I trample all over? And will my heart get trampled yet again?

>

> Aaaahhh! It's true that getting to goal weight gives us more

options

> than we ever dreamed possible, but no one said that the decisions

> would be easy. But no matter what, I'd rather have all the

> complications with the choices than to have no options at all. And

> as long as I'm true to my heart, I'll be OK and my food intake,

> exercise, and maintenance will stay in line.

>

> Francisco

>

[Guest guest]

Peggy:

Thanks for the kind words! You're so sweet.

Tonight's date with Maurizio was wonderful. And it makes me put him

in the lead if I had to rank potential candidates for boyfriend.

We met for dinner at Bistro Boudin at 6:30 PM. I entered the

restaurant, and I climbed the modern wooden staircase. As I looked

up, there was Maurizio looking down at me.

(If you can't imagine how cute he is, I've temporarily posted two of

his pics in my folder... check 'em out now, because they'll be gone

soon.)

We were seated at a candle-lit table overlooking the Bay. Over

dinner we discussed so many topics. We have many similarities in our

backgrounds. He and I are both from blue collar families with stay-

at-home Moms. We are both the first in our families to earn post-

graduate degrees--me an MA in applied linguistics, Maurizio a PhD in

chemistry. We talked about how we don't watch TV and how we are not

concerned about designer clothes. We laughed and joked and shared

stories from our lives until 9:30 PM.

It was raining when we left the restaurant (yes, Eleanor, as you

wished!) and we shared my umbrella. Funny thing I thought about was

the fact that before (in my post to Eleanor) I didn't even realize

that I said the umbrella was big enough for two. In the past, that

wouldn't have been the case. We walked along the Piers for an hour,

and then he walked me home. We shared a few kisses at my apt bldg

entry, and then we just held each other for a long while--my face

nestled in the nape of his neck. He rubbed my back and ran his hand

along the back of my neck, then he pulled back a little so that we

could kiss. And kiss. And kiss.

He left at 10:30 PM after making plans to see me tomorrow and

Saturday.

Wow, he's something else.

Francisco

> >

> > Hello everyone:

> >

> > I've been out of the loop for a while, and I thought it was time

to

> > get back into the swing of things. I've been reading all your

> posts,

> > but I've just not had the time nor the mental energy to respond

too

> > much. New job, new men, lots of dates.

> >

> > Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

> > marathon training. Ha!

> >

> > Well, I remember a time when I had few dating options, if any.

> First

> > of all, I was in a long-term relationship for 11 years (which I

> ended

> > a year ago). Secondly, even when I wasn't in a relationship, my

> body

> > image was such an impediment to getting to know guys. I was just

> way

> > too uncomfortable in my own skin.

> >

> > Now, so much has changed, and I thought those changes would make

> life

> > somehow easier. Well, the physical things of life are easier; I

> > don't worry about breaking chairs, and I can fit anywhere a

normal

> > weighted person can fit. I can run 14 miles with twenty-

somethings

> > and feel GREAT.

> >

> > But with normal weight come choices, and the choices are not

easy.

> > Dating has been fun, a LOT of fun. But I have gotten my heart

> > trampled on a couple of times.

> >

> > And now, yet again, I find myself at a cross roads. Their names

> are

> > and Maurizio.

> >

> > is a Research Fellow with a PhD in mathematics from

> Princeton.

> > He's 52, slender, cute as a button, hairy (a good thing for me)

> > sweet, gentle, soft-spoken.

> >

> > Maurizio is a chemist with a PhD from Stanford. He's 38, tall,

> with

> > dark hair and blue-green-gray eyes (they are spectacular; he is

> > worldly, fun, and sexy. He's from Italy, and speaks with an

> Italian

> > accent that makes me weak at the knees.

> >

> > and I met at a square dancing event. We've spent the last

> > three weekends together, but there are a couple of things that

are

> > uncertain. I don't know what he's looking for (and I haven't

asked

> > him). I don't know if he just wants to date casually, or if he's

> > looking for a serious relationship. Also, is an atheist.

I

> > have no problem with that in terms of my own spirituality,

however,

> > ideally, in a relationship, I'd want someone who's spirituality

was

> > more similar to my own—some spiritual practice, some belief in

> > something greater than just us, a random set of circumstances

that

> > led to such beauty on this earth. But 's a dancer, and he

> took

> > me two-stepping. His Sundance Saloon buddies asked him who

> > the " hottie " was on his arm. Yikes, there were referring to me,

> but

> > OK, so I was decked out in my black cowboy hat, boots and leather

> > vest, black jeans and black muscle shirt with my tattoos

blazing.

> > Shadow dancing with was just so hot and sensual, and slow

> > dancing to a country waltz is the nearest thing to heaven I can

> > imagine.

> >

> > Maurizio, on the other hand, is a more recent arrival in my

dating

> > stable. We've only been out on one date, but the chemistry is

> there

> > (hmmm… chemistry with a chemist). He speaks Italian, I speak

> > Spanish, we both speak a little French, and of course, we both

> speak

> > English. Talk about interesting tongues! Maurizio and I met

when

> he

> > replied to a personal ad I placed on craigslist. We are both on

> the

> > same page about what we want—serious dating with the hope of

> building

> > a foundation for a long-term relationship. Maurizio also dreams

of

> > having a child, and he's also more spiritually similar to me than

> > .

> >

> > So this is my quandary—being OK with the uncertainty, being

patient

> > with the whole process and letting it evolve and unfold they way

it

> > should. But I will eventually have to make a choice, because I'd

> be

> > most comfortable getting off the dating-go-round, and settling

down

> > with just one guy. Will I make the right choice? And who's

heart

> > will I trample all over? And will my heart get trampled yet

again?

> >

> > Aaaahhh! It's true that getting to goal weight gives us more

> options

> > than we ever dreamed possible, but no one said that the decisions

> > would be easy. But no matter what, I'd rather have all the

> > complications with the choices than to have no options at all.

And

> > as long as I'm true to my heart, I'll be OK and my food intake,

> > exercise, and maintenance will stay in line.

> >

> > Francisco

> >

>

[Guest guest]

He is a cutie and what wonderful eyes!

> > >

> > > Hello everyone:

> > >

> > > I've been out of the loop for a while, and I thought it was

time

> to

> > > get back into the swing of things. I've been reading all your

> > posts,

> > > but I've just not had the time nor the mental energy to respond

> too

> > > much. New job, new men, lots of dates.

> > >

> > > Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating

and

> > > marathon training. Ha!

> > >

> > > Well, I remember a time when I had few dating options, if any.

> > First

> > > of all, I was in a long-term relationship for 11 years (which I

> > ended

> > > a year ago). Secondly, even when I wasn't in a relationship,

my

> > body

> > > image was such an impediment to getting to know guys. I was

just

> > way

> > > too uncomfortable in my own skin.

> > >

> > > Now, so much has changed, and I thought those changes would

make

> > life

> > > somehow easier. Well, the physical things of life are easier;

I

> > > don't worry about breaking chairs, and I can fit anywhere a

> normal

> > > weighted person can fit. I can run 14 miles with twenty-

> somethings

> > > and feel GREAT.

> > >

> > > But with normal weight come choices, and the choices are not

> easy.

> > > Dating has been fun, a LOT of fun. But I have gotten my heart

> > > trampled on a couple of times.

> > >

> > > And now, yet again, I find myself at a cross roads. Their

names

> > are

> > > and Maurizio.

> > >

> > > is a Research Fellow with a PhD in mathematics from

> > Princeton.

> > > He's 52, slender, cute as a button, hairy (a good thing for me)

> > > sweet, gentle, soft-spoken.

> > >

> > > Maurizio is a chemist with a PhD from Stanford. He's 38, tall,

> > with

> > > dark hair and blue-green-gray eyes (they are spectacular; he is

> > > worldly, fun, and sexy. He's from Italy, and speaks with an

> > Italian

> > > accent that makes me weak at the knees.

> > >

> > > and I met at a square dancing event. We've spent the

last

> > > three weekends together, but there are a couple of things that

> are

> > > uncertain. I don't know what he's looking for (and I haven't

> asked

> > > him). I don't know if he just wants to date casually, or if

he's

> > > looking for a serious relationship. Also, is an

atheist.

> I

> > > have no problem with that in terms of my own spirituality,

> however,

> > > ideally, in a relationship, I'd want someone who's spirituality

> was

> > > more similar to my own—some spiritual practice, some belief in

> > > something greater than just us, a random set of circumstances

> that

> > > led to such beauty on this earth. But 's a dancer, and he

> > took

> > > me two-stepping. His Sundance Saloon buddies asked him who

> > > the " hottie " was on his arm. Yikes, there were referring to

me,

> > but

> > > OK, so I was decked out in my black cowboy hat, boots and

leather

> > > vest, black jeans and black muscle shirt with my tattoos

> blazing.

> > > Shadow dancing with was just so hot and sensual, and slow

> > > dancing to a country waltz is the nearest thing to heaven I can

> > > imagine.

> > >

> > > Maurizio, on the other hand, is a more recent arrival in my

> dating

> > > stable. We've only been out on one date, but the chemistry is

> > there

> > > (hmmm… chemistry with a chemist). He speaks Italian, I speak

> > > Spanish, we both speak a little French, and of course, we both

> > speak

> > > English. Talk about interesting tongues! Maurizio and I met

> when

> > he

> > > replied to a personal ad I placed on craigslist. We are both

on

> > the

> > > same page about what we want—serious dating with the hope of

> > building

> > > a foundation for a long-term relationship. Maurizio also

dreams

> of

> > > having a child, and he's also more spiritually similar to me

than

> > > .

> > >

> > > So this is my quandary—being OK with the uncertainty, being

> patient

> > > with the whole process and letting it evolve and unfold they

way

> it

> > > should. But I will eventually have to make a choice, because

I'd

> > be

> > > most comfortable getting off the dating-go-round, and settling

> down

> > > with just one guy. Will I make the right choice? And who's

> heart

> > > will I trample all over? And will my heart get trampled yet

> again?

> > >

> > > Aaaahhh! It's true that getting to goal weight gives us more

> > options

> > > than we ever dreamed possible, but no one said that the

decisions

> > > would be easy. But no matter what, I'd rather have all the

> > > complications with the choices than to have no options at all.

> And

> > > as long as I'm true to my heart, I'll be OK and my food intake,

> > > exercise, and maintenance will stay in line.

> > >

> > > Francisco

> > >

> >

>