Tonsils Coming Out...New Pain...and Coping with Family

[Guest guest]

Myst

about the pain...Max seems to be going thru that as well...and when she does, she is a good grumblepuss...this morning seems to be such a day...yesterday we went to the beach and she had a very good time...today is recovery time...more pain always seems to be associated with something preceeding, like fun or we found it is also a signal for her to be coming down with something...my best guess would be having trouble with her tonsils, may have a direct impact on the rest of her body...

About that family stuff...if it is more comfortable for you and your husband and Mikaela to be with Abigail, then so be it. Whatever works best for you guys. You do not need to add stress to an already stressful situation. Please do not feel bad. Gaining strength from each other is the best kind of support you can have. On a different note. We are also starting to see Max's twin brother, to be very anxcious every time she goes back to the doctor or hospital. A lot of tlc and lots of talking seems to help.

May 2nd is a big day for us too. Max will get her ventilator that day.

Hang in there. You are not overreacting.

all the best and keep us posted

rosy, mum to max, nearly 6

[Guest guest]

Hi Guys!

Well we scheduled Abigail's tonsilectomy. We will be going in on May

2nd. My husbands mom is coming to visit while we go through this in

case Abigail has to stay in the hospital for a few days. This will

help out a lot with our oldest daughter. Mikaela gets really upset

when Abigail is away. After the last visit she is more aware of what

is happening.

The only things bothering me about Abigail right now is that she is

having muscle pain in her back, and legs. Sunday she had a fit over

the pain. Today she is fine. I just don't know what to think. I get a

sick feeling in my stomache. So, once again I will probibly call the

dr. for wisdom. Does anyone else have this sort of pain?

I have one more question...in regard to family and coping with

illness. My husband's step mother who has had nothing to do with our

family since December, and never responds to email called to talk to

Abigail on Sunday. They spoke for only a couple minutes, and then that

was it. It is really weird...she is front and center when Abigail is

in the hospital or when she is having surgery. " Oh I want to be there

for you... " Then she vanishes and it is like we don't even exist. I

just do not know what to make of this. Not to mention when she

is " there for us " she mannages to make us even more upset. Just her

being there makes us feel more upset rather than comforted. Does

anyone else have people that seem to be atracted to the high drama,

and then just aren't there otherwise? How much do you offer extended

family? Marc and I seem to manage things better when there aren't half

a dozen people at the hospital with us. It is as if we get more

strength just from eachother. Am I depriving people if I say that it

is better to see them after Abigail is settled, and we have

perspective about her condition?

Thx for listening!

Myst

[Guest guest]

we'll be joining you, literally may 5th is my two kids surgeries. Lexi my non affected daughter will be getting a tonsilectomy and my son will be having a velopharengel plasty (lengthening the pallet) he will be in picu and should be similar to a tonsilectomy recovery so we'll be kinda recovering w/ you except double here. They're letting lexi stay over night cause zach will be in picu. I hope yours goes well, its coming soon isnt it ? . I just wish a speedy recovery for all the kids who are getting stuff done.

sarah mom to zach 4 ga2 alexis 6 mr_lucy wrote:

Hi Guys! :)Well we scheduled Abigail's tonsilectomy. We will be going in on May 2nd. My husbands mom is coming to visit while we go through this in case Abigail has to stay in the hospital for a few days. This will help out a lot with our oldest daughter. Mikaela gets really upset when Abigail is away. After the last visit she is more aware of what is happening. The only things bothering me about Abigail right now is that she is having muscle pain in her back, and legs. Sunday she had a fit over the pain. Today she is fine. I just don't know what to think. I get a sick feeling in my stomache. So, once again I will probibly call the dr. for wisdom. Does anyone else have this sort of pain?I have one more question...in regard to family and coping with illness. My husband's step mother who has had nothing to do with our

family since December, and never responds to email called to talk to Abigail on Sunday. They spoke for only a couple minutes, and then that was it. It is really weird...she is front and center when Abigail is in the hospital or when she is having surgery. "Oh I want to be there for you..." Then she vanishes and it is like we don't even exist. I just do not know what to make of this. Not to mention when she is "there for us" she mannages to make us even more upset. Just her being there makes us feel more upset rather than comforted. Does anyone else have people that seem to be atracted to the high drama, and then just aren't there otherwise? How much do you offer extended family? Marc and I seem to manage things better when there aren't half a dozen people at the hospital with us. It is as if we get more strength just from eachother. Am I depriving people if I say that it is better to see them after Abigail is settled, and we

have perspective about her condition? Thx for listening! MystPlease contact mito-owner with any problems or questions. __________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sending prayers for the kids to have routine surgeries, and quick recoveries.

Myst, we had to kindly tell our son's grandmother to stay at home when he was a child and inpatient. She would dramatize to the point of scaring him. Maybe there is a way you could kindly tell her it would be more help to you if she was to come over when Abigail is back at home.

Best wishes to all three,

Beccasarah wrote:

we'll be joining you, literally may 5th is my two kids surgeries. Lexi my non affected daughter will be getting a tonsilectomy and my son will be having a velopharengel plasty (lengthening the pallet) he will be in picu and should be similar to a tonsilectomy recovery so we'll be kinda recovering w/ you except double here. They're letting lexi stay over night cause zach will be in picu. I hope yours goes well, its coming soon isnt it ? . I just wish a speedy recovery for all the kids who are getting stuff done.

sarah mom to zach 4 ga2 alexis 6 mr_lucy wrote:

Hi Guys! :)Well we scheduled Abigail's tonsilectomy. We will be going in on May 2nd. My husbands mom is coming to visit while we go through this in case Abigail has to stay in the hospital for a few days. This will help out a lot with our oldest daughter. Mikaela gets really upset when Abigail is away. After the last visit she is more aware of what is happening. The only things bothering me about Abigail right now is that she is having muscle pain in her back, and legs. Sunday she had a fit over the pain. Today she is fine. I just don't know what to think. I get a sick feeling in my stomache. So, once again I will probibly call the dr. for wisdom. Does anyone else have this sort of pain?I have one more question...in regard to family and coping with illness. My husband's step mother who has had nothing to do with our

family since December, and never responds to email called to talk to Abigail on Sunday. They spoke for only a couple minutes, and then that was it. It is really weird...she is front and center when Abigail is in the hospital or when she is having surgery. "Oh I want to be there for you..." Then she vanishes and it is like we don't even exist. I just do not know what to make of this. Not to mention when she is "there for us" she mannages to make us even more upset. Just her being there makes us feel more upset rather than comforted. Does anyone else have people that seem to be atracted to the high drama, and then just aren't there otherwise? How much do you offer extended family? Marc and I seem to manage things better when there aren't half a dozen people at the hospital with us. It is as if we get more strength just from eachother. Am I depriving people if I say that it is better to see them after Abigail is settled, and we

have perspective about her condition? Thx for listening! MystPlease contact mito-owner with any problems or questions.

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Myst,

My ex husbands famliy is famous for the dramatics of this. their there

for surgery or major illness but never there in the normal times which

we all know is when we really need the support. They don't like to

think about it and can't deal with it on a daily basis so they don't.

But if they didn't show up at those times they would " look bad " . Don't

worry about it and somehow hang tough. What goes around comes around.

we all know what those kind of people are made of. Try to " be nice " and

appreciative but just don't count on them. It sounds like you have a

good support without her and don't need her. it is sad and it does

hurt. it hurts the children the most and all you can do is protect the

kids to the best of your ability from the likes of people like that. it

is definately harder when it is family, though.

good luck with surgery, Dawn

[Guest guest]

Myst,

I can definately know where you are coming from with the family

thing. My mother-in-law lives 1 1/2 BLOCKS away from us. Way

too close. If something happens shes always at the hospital, always

has to be right in on the decisions, (her and my husband both work at

the hospital) so everyone always just kind of forgets I'm allowed to

make decisions too about MY daughters treatment. Anyway, I just have

to make sure everyone knows I have to be present and have to approve

everything also, since I know every minute of her past history, her

problems, the doctor contacts, everything. She even had the nerve to get

them to run a drug test on Leighann right after she started having

problems.

I have to watch myself so close with that side of the family, but I have

learned

that if I really need to go off and get a point across I have to do it

during a crisis,

this way shes mad for a couple of days, but then she gets over it. I don't

get

mean or ugly about it, just honest. She lives that close to us and she

never comes down to say hi, nothing. I won't take my kids down to her

house because she takes so many meds and they're always everywhere,

including on the floor. I have dreams that she shows up at my door with

the sherriff's department to take my kids because I know she thinks I'm

a bad mom, just because I don't raise my kids like she thinks I should.

Personally I think shes a fruitcake, but she is family, so I do have to

keep

peace. It's her loss, not mine. I would love to have the wonderful inlaws

I've read about, but mine are nuts. So if you can't deal with how they act,

you don't have to. If it puts too much stress on you to have her there at

the hospital, then ask her not to, and if that doesnt work I'll share the

closet

I've got reserved for mine with you and we can lock them in there until

they learn how

to act like nice, helpful, human beings again! Just joking, I would never

do anything

remotely mean to her, no matter how bad and mean she gets, it just feels

good to

think that just for a minute. I don't know if this helps, just know that

you are

not alone in wanting them to be supportive in a way that helps! Good luck!

Lois

> [Original Message]

>

> To: <Mito >

> Date: 4/11/2005 3:01:15 PM

> Subject: Re: Tonsils Coming Out...New Pain...and Coping with Family

>

>

>

> Myst,

>

> My ex husbands famliy is famous for the dramatics of this. their there

> for surgery or major illness but never there in the normal times which

> we all know is when we really need the support. They don't like to

> think about it and can't deal with it on a daily basis so they don't.

> But if they didn't show up at those times they would " look bad " . Don't

> worry about it and somehow hang tough. What goes around comes around.

> we all know what those kind of people are made of. Try to " be nice " and

> appreciative but just don't count on them. It sounds like you have a

> good support without her and don't need her. it is sad and it does

> hurt. it hurts the children the most and all you can do is protect the

> kids to the best of your ability from the likes of people like that. it

> is definately harder when it is family, though.

>

> good luck with surgery, Dawn

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Please contact mito-owner with any problems or questions.

>

[Guest guest]

You know, every family is different. My 13 year old son just spent 30

days in the hospital and the only time my father visited was when he

came along with the Pastor. My mother never came up at all. Many

times we would love to have family around, even if they were a pain

about things. And no, they don't show up for the other things. My

mom will come for birthday parties, but my dad always seems to be busy

with one thing or another. He is actually doing things, not hiding,

but would love to see him clear his calendar just once. As I tried to

explain to him once, with mito, he may turn around one day and not

have one of his grandchildren anymore.

I will get off my rant now <sorry>

My wife's mom helps out a lot with watching the other kids during dr

appointments and when someone is in hospital.

Rod

>

> Hi Guys!

> Well we scheduled Abigail's tonsilectomy. We will be going in on May

> 2nd. My husbands mom is coming to visit while we go through this in

> case Abigail has to stay in the hospital for a few days. This will

> help out a lot with our oldest daughter. Mikaela gets really upset

> when Abigail is away. After the last visit she is more aware of what

> is happening.

> The only things bothering me about Abigail right now is that she is

> having muscle pain in her back, and legs. Sunday she had a fit over

> the pain. Today she is fine. I just don't know what to think. I get a

> sick feeling in my stomache. So, once again I will probibly call the

> dr. for wisdom. Does anyone else have this sort of pain?

> I have one more question...in regard to family and coping with

> illness. My husband's step mother who has had nothing to do with our

> family since December, and never responds to email called to talk to

> Abigail on Sunday. They spoke for only a couple minutes, and then that

> was it. It is really weird...she is front and center when Abigail is

> in the hospital or when she is having surgery. " Oh I want to be there

> for you... " Then she vanishes and it is like we don't even exist. I

> just do not know what to make of this. Not to mention when she

> is " there for us " she mannages to make us even more upset. Just her

> being there makes us feel more upset rather than comforted. Does

> anyone else have people that seem to be atracted to the high drama,

> and then just aren't there otherwise? How much do you offer extended

> family? Marc and I seem to manage things better when there aren't half

> a dozen people at the hospital with us. It is as if we get more

> strength just from eachother. Am I depriving people if I say that it

> is better to see them after Abigail is settled, and we have

> perspective about her condition?

>

> Thx for listening!

>

> Myst

[Guest guest]

Hi Myst,

I will be keeping you in my prayers that Abigail's surgery goes well.

About the family thing, I moved up to Washington to be near my mom, now she is a great support from the distance,ie: helping with my older son, an ear to bend etc..., however she will occaisionally watch him if I am in GREAT DISSTRESS. 's dad lives 2hours away now and so do my ex-in-laws. However they would never know what is going on with if I didn't call them. Yes, including 's dad. In fact we haven't heard from him since Christmas. I am grateful that I don't have to worry about them trying to interfere with 'ss care, they wouldn't know where to begin. I do know that kids know when their parents aren't happy and if the step-mom makes things uncomfortable then maybe you should let her know that she can see her when she is feeling better.

I hope all goes well for you.

mr_lucy wrote:

Hi Guys! :)Well we scheduled Abigail's tonsilectomy. We will be going in on May 2nd. My husbands mom is coming to visit while we go through this in case Abigail has to stay in the hospital for a few days. This will help out a lot with our oldest daughter. Mikaela gets really upset when Abigail is away. After the last visit she is more aware of what is happening. The only things bothering me about Abigail right now is that she is having muscle pain in her back, and legs. Sunday she had a fit over the pain. Today she is fine. I just don't know what to think. I get a sick feeling in my stomache. So, once again I will probibly call the dr. for wisdom. Does anyone else have this sort of pain?I have one more question...in regard to family and coping with illness. My husband's step mother who has had nothing to do with our

family since December, and never responds to email called to talk to Abigail on Sunday. They spoke for only a couple minutes, and then that was it. It is really weird...she is front and center when Abigail is in the hospital or when she is having surgery. "Oh I want to be there for you..." Then she vanishes and it is like we don't even exist. I just do not know what to make of this. Not to mention when she is "there for us" she mannages to make us even more upset. Just her being there makes us feel more upset rather than comforted. Does anyone else have people that seem to be atracted to the high drama, and then just aren't there otherwise? How much do you offer extended family? Marc and I seem to manage things better when there aren't half a dozen people at the hospital with us. It is as if we get more strength just from eachother. Am I depriving people if I say that it is better to see them after Abigail is settled, and we

have perspective about her condition? Thx for listening! MystPlease contact mito-owner with any problems or questions. __________________________________________________