Exhaustion and rage and depression

[Guest guest]

Tracie,

Oh plz rest and try not to let this get you so down. but I do feel for you. that is not good news to have to go back on o2 all the time.

and its good after you found the gun you told him to leave.!!!

Many Blessings and pain free daylove to "ALL" Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food.

[Guest guest]

How many of us find ourself blowing up over stuff that really doesn't matter. 

I've been struggling for a very long time with total exhaustion, fatigue,

depression, weight gain (hmm, eating to comfort..) and more. 

Rarely do I loose it-- but today is the day. 

On the outside, you'd not know what is going on-- I have my " make it through the

day face on. "   And I don't want anyone to know what is happening. 

Or maybe I do want you all to know what is happening.  It's in the SSDI - a

different perspective. 

Yesterdays PFT shows that even though my DLCO--diffuse lung capacity is still

better than it was prior to the Remicade, it's starting to slip back down--

Right now, it's 68% lung volume-- and prior to the Remicade I was at 58%-- so

we're still ok.  But I have to go back on my oxygen 24/7. 

My neuropathy is getting so bad, and nothing is touching it.  I've been able to

stay off the painmeds for the last 3 yrs, but am going to need to surrender.  I

don't do that well.   I find myself feeling as though I'm backed up against a

huge wall, between the demands of home life, the demands of trying to keep 500+

people happy and informed and help each of you through your grief and fear--

I've been there and am back in parts of the grieving process myself, and I don't

do that well either. 

To look at me, you'd think I'm ok.  You don't know that when I found my husbands

pistol in his daypack the other day, that it was tempting..  So I did tell him

to get it out of the house.  Guys, I'm tired-- and I need you all to know that.

Love to all

Tracie

[Guest guest]

Hi Tracie,My name is Helen and I'm new to the group.I want to give my support.I have SARCOIDSIS in my lungs,eyes,sarcoid arthritis and I was recently diagnosed with neurosarciodosis.I have been Taking medcine for depression a long time.I have had passive sucidal thoughts.I talk to my therapist and my husand about it.It helps to verbalize it.I feel and know your pain .No matter how you feel it seems as if there is a thousand things that need to be done and family that need you".As your day so shall your strength be".I will keep you in my prayers.Rest when you need to. Everything else can wait Caring for yourself comes first.It took so long to learn that.BE ENCOURAGED.JessicAbouhamama@... wrote: Tracie, Oh plz rest and try not to let this get you so down. but I do feel for you. that is not good news to have to go back on o2 all the time. and its good after you found the gun you told him to leave.!!! Many Blessings and pain free daylove to "ALL" Get trade secrets for amazing burgers. Watch "Cooking with Tyler Florence" on AOL Food. HELEN

[Guest guest]

Tracie.. I don't know what to tell ya friend.. other than you are so much appreciated, loved and respected for all that u do here.. you're sick, tired.. heck sick and tired.. of everything and rightly so.. You have every right to feel the way you do!

If I can help, u know I will.. just might have to come out and tell me what you need..

Love to you,

Exhaustion and rage and depression

How many of us find ourself blowing up over stuff that really doesn't matter. I've been struggling for a very long time with total exhaustion, fatigue, depression, weight gain (hmm, eating to comfort..) and more. Rarely do I loose it-- but today is the day. On the outside, you'd not know what is going on-- I have my "make it through the day face on." And I don't want anyone to know what is happening. Or maybe I do want you all to know what is happening. It's in the SSDI - a different perspective. Yesterdays PFT shows that even though my DLCO--diffuse lung capacity is still better than it was prior to the Remicade, it's starting to slip back down-- Right now, it's 68% lung volume-- and prior to the Remicade I was at 58%-- so we're still ok. But I have to go back on my oxygen 24/7. My neuropathy is getting so bad, and nothing is touching it. I've been able to stay off the painmeds for the last 3 yrs, but am going to need to surrender. I don't do that well. I find myself feeling as though I'm backed up against a huge wall, between the demands of home life, the demands of trying to keep 500+ people happy and informed and help each of you through your grief and fear-- I've been there and am back in parts of the grieving process myself, and I don't do that well either. To look at me, you'd think I'm ok. You don't know that when I found my husbands pistol in his daypack the other day, that it was tempting.. So I did tell him to get it out of the house. Guys, I'm tired-- and I need you all to know that. Love to allTracie

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[Guest guest]

Tracie, As you know I am reletively (sp?) new here. I appreciate what you do for all of us on a daily basis (damn, sometimes on an hourly basis). When I first read your email, I was so saddened. You never stop to realize sometimes the glue that holds a project together sometimes gets wet and sticky, then you project falls apart. You are the backbone for us on so many levels, but I sometimes don't stop to realize that you, too, are as sick as the rest of us. I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you are. I am also glad that you expressed how you were feeling. I needed to hear that to put me in perspective, that the people with all the info, are as sick as the rest of us. I hope you are feeling a little better. If there is anything you need, please

let me know. Hugs and prayers are with you.

Christy

Subject: Exhaustion and rage and depressionTo: "Neurosarcoidosis" <Neurosarcoidosis >Date: Wednesday, May 28, 2008, 6:40 PM

How many of us find ourself blowing up over stuff that really doesn't matter. I've been struggling for a very long time with total exhaustion, fatigue, depression, weight gain (hmm, eating to comfort..) and more. Rarely do I loose it-- but today is the day. On the outside, you'd not know what is going on-- I have my "make it through the day face on." And I don't want anyone to know what is happening. Or maybe I do want you all to know what is happening. It's in the SSDI - a different perspective. Yesterdays PFT shows that even though my DLCO--diffuse lung capacity is still better than it was prior to the Remicade, it's starting to slip back down-- Right now, it's 68% lung volume-- and prior to the Remicade I was at 58%-- so we're still ok. But I have to go back on my oxygen 24/7. My neuropathy is getting so bad, and nothing is touching it. I've been able to stay

off the painmeds for the last 3 yrs, but am going to need to surrender. I don't do that well. I find myself feeling as though I'm backed up against a huge wall, between the demands of home life, the demands of trying to keep 500+ people happy and informed and help each of you through your grief and fear-- I've been there and am back in parts of the grieving process myself, and I don't do that well either. To look at me, you'd think I'm ok. You don't know that when I found my husbands pistol in his daypack the other day, that it was tempting.. So I did tell him to get it out of the house. Guys, I'm tired-- and I need you all to know that. Love to allTracie