Re: [SPAM] Exhaustion and rage and depression

[Guest guest]

I am sorry that you feel so bad. I know where you come from. Yes sometimes I blow something out of perspective. It is called venting with friends. EVERYONE needs to do it at time. My friends ask how I can smile all the time, it is because when I am alone at home in my safe space I cry and scream why me. I want so much to go back to work and ride my motor cycle and chase my grandkids around but I can't and it hurts. So when I see a jerk like my sisters husband using and abusing the system I blow up excuse me!!!!! It is not your job to make us all happy only we can do that. I am not asking that you solve the worlds problems, or at least not mine with the sarc. I appreciate all your advise and treasure your knowledge.

So again thank you for who you are. Now calm down and let me be an ass once in a while. I deserve it.

Jackie

[sPAM] Exhaustion and rage and depression

How many of us find ourself blowing up over stuff that really doesn't matter. I've been struggling for a very long time with total exhaustion, fatigue, depression, weight gain (hmm, eating to comfort..) and more. Rarely do I loose it-- but today is the day. On the outside, you'd not know what is going on-- I have my "make it through the day face on." And I don't want anyone to know what is happening. Or maybe I do want you all to know what is happening. It's in the SSDI - a different perspective. Yesterdays PFT shows that even though my DLCO--diffuse lung capacity is still better than it was prior to the Remicade, it's starting to slip back down-- Right now, it's 68% lung volume-- and prior to the Remicade I was at 58%-- so we're still ok. But I have to go back on my oxygen 24/7. My neuropathy is getting so bad, and nothing is touching it. I've been able to stay off the painmeds for the last 3 yrs, but am going to need to surrender. I don't do that well. I find myself feeling as though I'm backed up against a huge wall, between the demands of home life, the demands of trying to keep 500+ people happy and informed and help each of you through your grief and fear-- I've been there and am back in parts of the grieving process myself, and I don't do that well either. To look at me, you'd think I'm ok. You don't know that when I found my husbands pistol in his daypack the other day, that it was tempting.. So I did tell him to get it out of the house. Guys, I'm tired-- and I need you all to know that. Love to allTracie