Having options is not always easy

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone:

I've been out of the loop for a while, and I thought it was time to

get back into the swing of things. I've been reading all your posts,

but I've just not had the time nor the mental energy to respond too

much. New job, new men, lots of dates.

Maybe it's because all my energy has been expended on dating and

marathon training. Ha!

Well, I remember a time when I had few dating options, if any. First

of all, I was in a long-term relationship for 11 years (which I ended

a year ago). Secondly, even when I wasn't in a relationship, my body

image was such an impediment to getting to know guys. I was just way

too uncomfortable in my own skin.

Now, so much has changed, and I thought those changes would make life

somehow easier. Well, the physical things of life are easier; I

don't worry about breaking chairs, and I can fit anywhere a normal

weighted person can fit. I can run 14 miles with twenty-somethings

and feel GREAT.

But with normal weight come choices, and the choices are not easy.

Dating has been fun, a LOT of fun. But I have gotten my heart

trampled on a couple of times.

And now, yet again, I find myself at a cross roads. Their names are

and Maurizio.

is a Research Fellow with a PhD in mathematics from Princeton.

He's 52, slender, cute as a button, hairy (a good thing for me)

sweet, gentle, soft-spoken.

Maurizio is a chemist with a PhD from Stanford. He's 38, tall, with

dark hair and blue-green-gray eyes (they are spectacular; he is

worldly, fun, and sexy. He's from Italy, and speaks with an Italian

accent that makes me weak at the knees.

and I met at a square dancing event. We've spent the last

three weekends together, but there are a couple of things that are

uncertain. I don't know what he's looking for (and I haven't asked

him). I don't know if he just wants to date casually, or if he's

looking for a serious relationship. Also, is an atheist. I

have no problem with that in terms of my own spirituality, however,

ideally, in a relationship, I'd want someone who's spirituality was

more similar to my own—some spiritual practice, some belief in

something greater than just us, a random set of circumstances that

led to such beauty on this earth. But 's a dancer, and he took

me two-stepping. His Sundance Saloon buddies asked him who

the " hottie " was on his arm. Yikes, there were referring to me, but

OK, so I was decked out in my black cowboy hat, boots and leather

vest, black jeans and black muscle shirt with my tattoos blazing.

Shadow dancing with was just so hot and sensual, and slow

dancing to a country waltz is the nearest thing to heaven I can

imagine.

Maurizio, on the other hand, is a more recent arrival in my dating

stable. We've only been out on one date, but the chemistry is there

(hmmm… chemistry with a chemist). He speaks Italian, I speak

Spanish, we both speak a little French, and of course, we both speak

English. Talk about interesting tongues! Maurizio and I met when he

replied to a personal ad I placed on craigslist. We are both on the

same page about what we want—serious dating with the hope of building

a foundation for a long-term relationship. Maurizio also dreams of

having a child, and he's also more spiritually similar to me than

.

So this is my quandary—being OK with the uncertainty, being patient

with the whole process and letting it evolve and unfold they way it

should. But I will eventually have to make a choice, because I'd be

most comfortable getting off the dating-go-round, and settling down

with just one guy. Will I make the right choice? And who's heart

will I trample all over? And will my heart get trampled yet again?

Aaaahhh! It's true that getting to goal weight gives us more options

than we ever dreamed possible, but no one said that the decisions

would be easy. But no matter what, I'd rather have all the

complications with the choices than to have no options at all. And

as long as I'm true to my heart, I'll be OK and my food intake,

exercise, and maintenance will stay in line.

Francisco