Guest guest Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 Hi Ken Poor Janet, I do feel for her. I use to work with a guy where the exact opposite situation was happening. His son wanted nothing to do with him, but only wanted " mom " . He was so devastated he kept talking about convincing his wife to have another baby because he wanted to " try again and make the same mistakes " . Took awhile to convince him that this was not the solution! That is a very developmental stage. Having a boy and a girl who are in their early teens now, I've seen mine go back and forth between mom and dad in that regard. Perhaps an internet search on that topic would be helpful. It won't lessen Janet's feelings but if she can read a few different sources that all explain it's common in kids and before she knows it she'll be in demand to the point she'll be wishing would spend some time with dad again!, she might be feeling a little better with this. When Colette was a baby, she absolutely refused to go to her father. Being it was our first baby, he was devastated. I came home from a course one night to find him sitting and holding her.........he was naked from the waist up and had on one of my bras; he thought the smell of me would calm her down!! (LOL......yeh yeh I know what you are thinking.........no wonder we ended up divorced LOL). But over time, she got better with him and they became as thick as thieves. I feel for Janet, I don't think there is much you can do in the short term besides making it a " game " with ......you know " let's go show mommy how much we love her' and the two of you smother her with hugs and kisses out of no where. Debby Boys and mothers > Hi everyone, > > > I need some advice regarding my son. > > , my son, has RSS. He is 7 and very definitely daddy's boy. He > wants to spend every minute with me. Therein lies the problem. He > wants very little to do with his mother. He has no use for girls in > general. When we ask him if he loves his mother he replies, " well, > maybe a little " . This is causing my wife a great deal of anguish. She > thinks he doesn't love her and wants us all to go to counseling. She > keeps attempting in variuos ways to get him to admitt he loves her. > However, I think she is just making things worse. > > Of course we interact with differently. I do a lot more rough > play with him and my wife does more sedate activites like reading, > board games, etc. She does take him to many activites etc. We both > discipline him. She gives him a time out at the drop of a hat. I set > stricter limits on him but give him some warnings before giving a > time out. > > Any advice or insights > > > Ken M > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2004 Report Share Posted August 13, 2004 Dear Ken, Kids push your buttons, whatever they are and it sounds like you guys have allowed this to become an isse. Kids go back and forth with being closer and more affectionate with one parent and then with the other. It is sure not odd for them to 'choose' one this month and then other next. That said, it wouldn't hurt for mom to find something he loves and get involved. At one time, I knew a lot about Pokemon, something outside of my usual interests, because my sons were living in Pokeworld. But, trying to get a seven year old to admit out loud that he loves his Mommy....well, I just am not sure I would set myself up to be hurt like that. You might help by making sure that everyone in your family says, " I love you. " out loud to each other all of the time. My boys remember to say that dinner was good and to thank me for cooking it because they hear their father say it often. I hope this helps. Conny, 's great-aunt and mom to 5 kids, 16-28. > Hi everyone, > > > I need some advice regarding my son. > > , my son, has RSS. He is 7 and very definitely daddy's boy. He > wants to spend every minute with me. Therein lies the problem. He > wants very little to do with his mother. He has no use for girls in > general. When we ask him if he loves his mother he replies, " well, > maybe a little " . This is causing my wife a great deal of anguish. She > thinks he doesn't love her and wants us all to go to counseling. She > keeps attempting in variuos ways to get him to admitt he loves her. > However, I think she is just making things worse. > > Of course we interact with differently. I do a lot more rough > play with him and my wife does more sedate activites like reading, > board games, etc. She does take him to many activites etc. We both > discipline him. She gives him a time out at the drop of a hat. I set > stricter limits on him but give him some warnings before giving a > time out. > > Any advice or insights > > > Ken M > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2004 Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hi Ken, I can't tell you how to do things, but I can tell you some of the lessons we have learned in our foster parent training, which works on our kids as well. First of all it is very important that you and your wife be on the same page with discipline. Although everyone parents differently, discipline should be consistant and have firm limits set. (strangely enough kids love limits because it actually makes them feel safer) I actually came up with a " ladder " of privaleges for our kids. Their behavior directly effects which rung of the ladder they are on, therefore which privileges they have for that day (or week, depending on age). Things from watching TV, playing video games to having friends over or being able to go to a friends house. It is amazing how well it works. We let the kids help us with the list, and also with a list of behaviors that could cause them to move up or down the ladder.(We do still use time outs, and I am the one in our family who is more likely to give a warning first! BUT, I have learned that only one warning is warranted, and if it goes past one, I have lost the behavior battle. So one warning and then time out (depending on the severity of the offense, like " hitting " is straight to time out!) As far as saying I love you. He won't do it if he is pressured to, or if he is getting lots of attention because he is not saying. (Why say something, if you are getting the attention you want about the whole thing.) As far as counseling goes, I think it is great, but for us Storm goes alone! It gets to be HIS thing! He can say whatever he wants and not face judgement. He is safe to share his anger and fears! That is what we have decided is best for us at this time. (although we get all that free training and support with our foster care agency for our foster kids, and it all carries over!) Sorry this is so long, I didn't mean for it to be, just wanted to share what we have done, (although for us it is the other way around and Storm always wants to be with me before dad!) Hope this helps some! Carmen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 14, 2004 Report Share Posted August 14, 2004 Hey Ken, Well, I have 2 girls and no boys, but in our house the way we " cured " our oldest preferring Daddy over me was...............................we had baby #2. Then Charissa preferred whoever it was that was giving attention. (Somehow, I don't think this is the solution you were looking for?!?) LOL! in Alaska p.s. Belated congratulations on finding a job close to home! Boys and mothers > Hi everyone, > > > I need some advice regarding my son. > > , my son, has RSS. He is 7 and very definitely daddy's boy. He > wants to spend every minute with me. Therein lies the problem. He > wants very little to do with his mother. He has no use for girls in > general. When we ask him if he loves his mother he replies, " well, > maybe a little " . This is causing my wife a great deal of anguish. She > thinks he doesn't love her and wants us all to go to counseling. She > keeps attempting in variuos ways to get him to admitt he loves her. > However, I think she is just making things worse. > > Of course we interact with differently. I do a lot more rough > play with him and my wife does more sedate activites like reading, > board games, etc. She does take him to many activites etc. We both > discipline him. She gives him a time out at the drop of a hat. I set > stricter limits on him but give him some warnings before giving a > time out. > > Any advice or insights > > > Ken M > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.