Re: O.T. Anxiety

[Guest guest]

Hey :

If I lived closer to you I'd hop right over and babysit!

Although I do keep Adivan around, I rarely take it. Anxiety is a

legacy of Graves for me. Over the past few years I've found that a

few things can give me relief: deep breathing; investigating the

anxiety; focusing my mind for a few minutes on something I really

love; meditation (sometimes that's just going inside myself for a few

moments); hugging my dog Bodhi; I've found that even just recognizing

my state and determining that I don't want to be in it is a good

start.

If the anxiety I am feeling is rooted in a specific problem(s)

instead of generalized, I try to use a process from a wonderful woman

named Byron . She says " there's 3 types of business, God's,

your own, and other people's " - when I feel anxious, I ask myself

whose business I'm in - if it's God's, I let go; if it's other

people, I pull my energy back from their business and immediately

feel better; and if it's mine, I step through it the best I can.

I don't know whether any of this will be of use to you, but wanted to

let you know that you have a comrade in arms. I suspect that in your

case, getting someone to help and give you a break would go a long

way, maybe it's the sort of thing where you should have it even if

you can't afford it, because you can't afford to be without it?

All my best wishes,

> Hi All-

>

> I've been having quite a bit of anxiety lately. ]

[Guest guest]

Hey :

If I lived closer to you I'd hop right over and babysit!

Although I do keep Adivan around, I rarely take it. Anxiety is a

legacy of Graves for me. Over the past few years I've found that a

few things can give me relief: deep breathing; investigating the

anxiety; focusing my mind for a few minutes on something I really

love; meditation (sometimes that's just going inside myself for a few

moments); hugging my dog Bodhi; I've found that even just recognizing

my state and determining that I don't want to be in it is a good

start.

If the anxiety I am feeling is rooted in a specific problem(s)

instead of generalized, I try to use a process from a wonderful woman

named Byron . She says " there's 3 types of business, God's,

your own, and other people's " - when I feel anxious, I ask myself

whose business I'm in - if it's God's, I let go; if it's other

people, I pull my energy back from their business and immediately

feel better; and if it's mine, I step through it the best I can.

I don't know whether any of this will be of use to you, but wanted to

let you know that you have a comrade in arms. I suspect that in your

case, getting someone to help and give you a break would go a long

way, maybe it's the sort of thing where you should have it even if

you can't afford it, because you can't afford to be without it?

All my best wishes,

> Hi All-

>

> I've been having quite a bit of anxiety lately. ]

[Guest guest]

>>> jutek@... 06/18/03 11:19 AM >>> Hi You've already got some great

answers so don't think I can add much. The time when you have very small

children seems long when it's happening but short as you get older and the

children grow up.

You might try for a babysitter one day or half day a week so you can go out

and do grownup things. Try taking a class in something you enjoy. When my

children were little, I traded babysitting with another young mother. My

children enjoyed the company.

Still there were difficult times which I think we can just expect sometimes.

Aileen

[Guest guest]

Hi , you've gotten some great advice so far - I know how hard it is to

be a mom sometimes, but I can't imagine having 2 infants at the same time

and a 7 year old boy... you do have your hands full.

Here are just some ideas off the top of my head:

* Can you leave all the children with your hubby one night a week to get out

for a few hours? I started this recently and it's been a life saver - I go

to the library, or out with a girlfriend, or the craft store or whatever. It

s so nice to be able to browse at the book store without my 2 year old

fussing. If hubby can't manage all by himself, can you get a babysitter in

for one night a week while he's there to help? A girlfriend of mine can only

manage to get out once or twice a month - once for her book club and maybe

another time to see a movie - but she says just having those nights to look

forward to really helps her get through the worst parts of motherhood.

* Can you join a mom's group where they have playgroups and mom's nights out

and stuff? Maybe you can meet some mom's to share babysitting with that way

- or at the very least it's good to have a support network - this is so

important when family lives so far away. Do you have some girlfriends who

can come over and play with the kids and give you a break to nap or can give

you a hand with the cleaning? Girlfriends do this... but sometimes you need

to ask them... if they just offered it would be like telling you your house

was a mess and they don't want to insult you, you know? Check here for a mom

s group in your area: http://www.mothersandmore.org/

* Can you try to schedule some playtime for your 7 year old at some of his

friends houses a few times a week during the summer? Maybe this way you can

get him out playing for a few hours and you can take the babies to bed for a

nice long nap? Or can you sign him up for day camp somewhere?

* exercise is supposed to be a great mood booster - do you have a double

stroller? Or a baby bijorn and a single stroller even? If so, then take the

kids out for a walk! I know it seems like you don't have any energy for that

but you really will feel better when you get back. And maybe it will get

your 7 year old to bed earlier that night or something

* Can you find some herbal anti-anxiety remedies that you can take while bf

ing? I know some herbs are safe - I mean they told me to take some while I

was bf'ing my son to increase milk production - so there are definitely some

great mother's herbs out there. Unfortunately all the anti-anxiety stuff I

ve taken since graves has been after he was weaned, so I never asked if it

was safte to use while bf'ing. Those flower essences might be wonderful for

you - and just last night my ND prescribed a homeopathic Rescue Remedy 3 for

frayed nerves... it's too soon to say if it's working, and I know you are

really skeptical of alt med stuff... but it' might be worth a try and

hopefully you would be pleasantly surprised. Your hospital probalby has a bf

ing support line (mine did anyway) you could call them and ask them what is

safe - I bet they have a list. The internet will have lists too I'm sure -

but you'd be best off consulting a midwife or ND I would think.

* can you try to take just a few minutes every few hours to just sit or lay

down and do some deep breathing? To try to calm and center yourself?

* I've been reading " The Art of Happiness " by the Dali Lama and am not far

into it but am finding it very interesting - one exercise they mention a

college doing research how to boost happiness is this - write down 5 things

that you are glad you are NOT - when you are done, you should feel more

grateful for the life you do have. (A control group did a similar exercise

where they were to write down 5 things they wished they WERE - they ended up

feeling more unsatisfied with their life - less happy.) Along those same

lines you can write down what you are grateful to have in your life as well.

..

Well there you go, my brain dump. I know how hard it is to do most of these

things - but I hope you find something that will help you to cope and get by

Hugs to you and those babies,

Pam B.

[Guest guest]

you know , I'm thinking about the herbs and stuff.. and thinking that

maybe the question isn't " is there something I can take " ... maybe it's

something as simple as getting a massage or reiki or craniosacral - or doing

some yoga or tai chi or chi gong - assuming of course you can either get out

of the house to take a class or have 40 minutes of quite to follow a video

or something. Last weekend I was feeling kind of crappy and down and I got

my husband to play with Luke for an hour while I did my chi gong (it's

energy exercises - meant to get your chi flowing) tape all the way through

for the first time - all the other times I'd tried Luke would interrupt me

or wake from his nap early or whatever - and I really did feel a lot better

afterwards. My whole body was tingling after - it was really cool - and no

sweating or strenuous work involved... easy and relaxing.

Pam B.

[Guest guest]

Ok just one more thing... you say your husband is never around... well can

you work on that at all? Here is what I got my husband to do when Luke was

first born - I got him to do it for almost a year - now he goes to the gym

instead but it was nice while it lasted... I would make him take an hour

of baby time in the morning before he went to work - and that meant that I

had to get up a little earlier than I wanted to, and that he got to work a

little later than he used to, but he works so much it doesn't matter - he

needed some work-life balance anyway as far as I could see... and I would

use this hour to get a shower, to get some food in me - whatever I need to

do to face the day - so when he left, I was showered and fed and the day

went much better that way. There is nothing worse than trying all day to get

a shower in and never getting it.

Hope you are having a better day ,

Pam B.