Re: Off-topic - whether to have another child - long post

[Guest guest]

Hi all. I'm fairly new to the list. Thanks, by the way for all the advice

about peptide testing before trying the diet. I appreciate all of your

experience.

Couldn't resist posting in response to the question about chances of having

another child with a disability. Our son was born in 1992, our first

daughter was born in 1994, and our second daughter was born in 1996. Fisk

was diagnosed with autism in March 1995, when his little sister Kate was 5

months old. From then on we watched her like a hawk. She seemed to do

more than her brother did, but by 15 months I knew she didn't have the

language she should have. We had decided by that point not to have any

more children. A boy and girl were the perfect fit, right? Now one had

autism and an intensive ABA program, we really couldn't handle any more.

All our friends with three children gave this advice: Never let them

outnumber you. Going from two to three is like going from a man-man

defense to a zone defense. (Don't you love those sports analogies?) Well,

apparently my body resisted all attempts at birth control and I found

myself pregnant again. Knowing those 4:1 stats, I hoped for another girl.

When Jillian was 8 months old, Kate was diagnosed with autism too. She was

higher-functioning than our son, but autistic nonetheless. I came home

from receiving that news in a stupor. I stood changing the diaper on our

baby Jill and asked out loud what lay in store for us with her. For a

period from that moment on I couldn't enjoy any of Jilly's babyhood. I was

urging her to meet the next milestone. Wishing I could fastforward to 2

1/2 or 3 so I could be assured everything was going to be okay. At the

same time, I wondered if she'd ever learn to walk since she was in a car

seat so much shuttling her brother and sister from one therapy session to

another. Her language came in at around a year and stayed. And it was

really good! She learned to walk. She learned to play - really well! She

interacted splendidly, even though our time with her was so limited by the

demands of out other children. By the time she was 18 months she was

blowing us away. So many things came naturally to her my husband and I

were constantly saying: Wow, look what she did! They do that on their own?

She won our hearts in a very special and different way from our other two

children. She showed us " normal " and helped us relate to parents who

weren't dealing with autism. She is someone we haven't had to fight for or

over-protect. She is simply great. She loves her brother and sister and

really loves us. She is a natural cuddler - wanting nothing more than to

snuggle with her mummy or daddy. She tells us she loves all the time - and

she didn't have to learn that in a drill. Our other two children are doing

well. Both are fully included in regular school and have friends. At

nearly 7, Kate is indistinguishable from her peers. But it took a lot of

hard work to get them there.

So to sum up: If you have one child with autism, your chances of having

another are between 3-7% higher than someone who does not have a child with

autism. I'm told that once you have two children with autism, your chances

of having another increase to something like 33%. But I don't regret

taking that chance for a single day - I'm so pleased with all of my

children and I can't imagine life any other way.

Claire M. Bothwell

P.S. For us, three really is enough and I sent my husband to the

urologist!