Re: Things are not getting any better. PLEASE READ THIS EVERYONE

[Guest guest]

Nick,

You sound like a good guy. You really tried. Now it is for her parents to

do their part, as she is beyond you. I understand your relief at her

leaving as well, given how you were perceived and treated as the enemy,

even though you must feel quite torn. You have no choice but to let her go,

if she is so determined to leave.

Take care,

At 12:35 AM 8/28/2003, you wrote:

>My wife has gotten an apt and is moving out on

>Saturday. She is set on divorce and get this, she

>insists on taking the treadmill with her.

[Guest guest]

> Divorce is the easy road and it looks like it is paved

> in gold right now.

Without kids, yes it is easier, but never easy. Are there any minimum

mandated separation periods before divorce in your state? Neither of you

would benefit long term by rushing into it. We talk a lot about making

informed decisions. She needs to make this decision once she's on the

road to health which we can hope will be within half a year. (The way

she's going it's likely that there will be something dramatic within the

half year one way or another.)

All you can do is continue what you're doing. Be a gentleman, show her

that you're motivated by love and concern. It's ok if she knows you're

fed up sometimes too. But this way you'll be able to sleep soundly, that

is with a good conscience. And if she does find her way back to physical

and mental health she'll have an easier time reconciling with you. But I

would really wait before doing something permanent and, if you see she's

making a commitment to getting real health care, when (let's say when,

not if) you get back together you may want to consider drawing up some

kind of contract - it can be infomal - predicating your staying together

on her agreeing to counseling and following a medical protocol. Have you

got counseling already? I would get it now, by yourself. Not some deep

psychoanalysis, just a solid heart-to-heart to make sure you're on the

right track. A really good clergyman could provide this as well.

I hope this is lucid. I didn't sleep well last night but this situation

is so painful I feel compelled to respond. Best to you, Fay

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