Re: MEN -- my story, two sides

[Guest guest]

My husband and I had this same problem 3 weekends ago. I got a

babysitter, and we had dinner reservations at 7pm. On the phone, I

told him that I was dropping the kids off at Grandma's at 6pm --

maybe we could go for a drink before hand, whatever, after he gets

home from work.

6:00pm, no call. 6:15pm no call. I try his office. No answer.

Yes, I could have called his cell but I was pissed. 6:30, 6:45pm NO

STEVE. Now I am so mad. Finally at 6:55pm I write a note and leave

it saying " Meet you at the restaurant " (the restaurant is 1 mile

away, so it only takes 2-3 minutes). I go outside and he pulls up

in the driveway. He's smiling, top down on the convertible. " Hi

honey! " he says. I am so mad. We get into an argument because he

doesn't understand why I am mad. From his perspective, he isn't

late. I got in the car and we drove to the restaurant and we made

it on time.

What he eventually made me realize is that I did NOT communicate

with him what I wanted. If I had told him that I really wanted to

take that extra hour and get dressed together, have a leisurely

drink, and then head to dinner, he would have met me (or told me he

couldn't get off work by then). But I ASSUMED -- I mean, to me it

was common sense. If you have dinner reservations at 7pm, don't

pull in the driveway at 6:55pm....

So..... I am slowly learning that there are two sides to the story.

So...., question. Did you tell him what time you wanted to go

to dinner? He may still be a jerk because he may be way later than

what you agreed on, but just in case your situation may be like

mine. Our family counselor always laughs -- says women will tend to

think " he should know, it is common sense " and the men say " but she

didn't tell me. " She is a big proponent of OVER-communicating. I

try and not assume anything with Steve now. I actually talk to him

Friday nights about who is responsible for what on weekend mornings

(don't laugh, but I would run around getting kids ready, packing,

etc. and he would get himself ready, say " hurry up, we're late " and

I would be resentful and mad. Now I say ahead of time -- OK, you

get Tyler ready and I will get ready. "

That being said -- 13 years of marriage -- it took us this long to

figure it out.... I sure hope your husband gets home so you can

have a nice dinner...

>

> I am SO Mad right now it is not even Funny. and I have

tickets to

> the Toby concert tonight. Since he got a partial pay last

night

> for a side job and we are getting money from the disaster

relief.We

> decided to go out to eat before the concert. Just him and I a

DATE!!

>

> Well, he is working on that side job since 9 am and is NOT back

yet!!

> does not care about the fact that we were going out to eat and

says he

> will be home in plenty of time.. Sitting here waiting for him, and

> rushing to the show is not what I had in mind....

>

> I don't ask for much. All I wanted was ONE niight out and he has

to pull

> this crap. You know damn well he is going to say " but I'm getting

money

> and we need it " .. Well, guess what i don't give a rats ass.... He

could

> have left at 4 pm to get home in time........

>

> I am SOOOOO pissed....

>

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