RE:RSS Teasing: What works for us

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Bullying is so totally unacceptable. My technique to stop it is very

politically incorrect, so I am not advocating that everyone does it -

and most of you will not agree with me! I had just reached the end of

the rope when it came to putting up with my son being teased for being

so small and skinny. I resented the fact that my son (8), who has been

through so much pain, health issues, rejection etc (he is adopted from

Russia) was being picked on by children whose most dire experience in

life was not getting what they wanted for Christmas! So I have taken

matters in to my own hands and I confront the bullies head-on. As a

psychologist, I tried reasoning with children and trying to get them to

have empathy, etc. or having my son ignore them. Looks good on paper but

does not work! I tried discussing it with the bullies parents (they

refuse to accept that their child is a problem). The teachers are pretty

good but can not be everywhere at once. I just approach each child that

bullies my son and tell them, in no uncertain terms, to leave him alone

or they will have me to deal with and I can be a bigger bully than they

can. I never do this in front of my son so he doesn't even know I do it.

I also make sure that I have a visible presence at school by

volunteering and attending children's events, etc. Guess what? The

bullying has stopped. The bullies are scared of me and I make no

apologies for this. Of course I realise that I can not follow my son

around in life and approach everyone that makes the slightest snicker

but it does allow us to manage his micro environment where he spends

everyday of his life and where his self-image is formed. At the same

time, I am teaching him how to deal with these ratbags in a reasonable

and dismissive way so as he gets older he doesn't need (or want!) my

protection! (I have no desire for him to be seen as a " mommy's boy " with

me still protecting him when he's 30 years old!) Plus, as others have

suggested about sports or other skills- we have encouraged his golf and

he is now such a good golfer (the best at his school) that he has been

offered a special sponsorship.

Best wishes to all,

Siri

Re: Teasing

Hi ,

I'm so sorry this is happening to your son! First, I want to say that

kids DO know they are different. I was aware of the fact that I wasn't

physically homogenous with my peers far, far before the age of 9 (I

think I was three or four when I first had the realization that I didn't

look like everyone else). I think sometimes kids pick up on a lot more

than adults sometimes give them credit for (and I'm just as guilty of

this as everyone else now that I'm an adult). I, too, would suggest

therapy. I saw a psychologist on and off through my middle and high

school years. This REALLY helped me out a lot with some of the issues I

had about not physically fitting in. In fact, I know high school would

have been a lot harder for me if I hadn't had a " safe " place to go

outside of my house and school to discuss whatever was bothering me.

Also, I would suggest finding an activity that he is good at and really

likes and encouraging him to pursue that. I did a lot of things growing

up (I was a serial " joiner " for quite some time ), but the activities

that I was good at really helped bolster my confidence. In addition to

that, doing those activities also helped my social skills because it

gave me a refrence point to use when bonding with other kids. All that

said, I do think that it is harder for boys at that age than it is

girls. I'm also sorry that I only have my experience to offer and not a

magic wand. But, here's to hoping that things get better for you son

and every other kid on the list who is being picked on!!!

~Hillary

22, RSS