Fw: KIDS .....Too Funny !!

[Guest guest]

" KIDS " .....Too Funny !!

>> > For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

>> > For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

>> > For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

>> > For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

>> >

>> > The following came from an anonymous mother in Austin, Texas.

>> >

>> >

>> > THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN... (HONEST AND NO KIDDING):

>> >

>> > 1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot

>> > house 4 inches deep.

>> > 2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with

>> > roller blades, they can ignite.

>> > 3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded

>> > restaurant.

>> > 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong

>> > enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a

>> > superman

>> > cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to

>>spread

>> > paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

>> > 5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When

>> > using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a

>>few

>> > times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a

>>long

>> > way.

>> >

>> > 6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit

>> > by a ceiling fan.

>> > 7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words " Uh-oh, " it's already

>> > too late.

>> > 8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, lots of it.

>> > 9. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36

>> > year old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying

>> > glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

>> > 10. Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a four year

>>old.

>> > 11. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

>> > 12. Super glue is forever.

>> > 13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still

>> > can't walk on water.

>> > 14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

>> > 15. VCR's do not eject PB & J sandwiches even though TV commercials show

>>they

>> > do!

>> > 16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

>> > 17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

>> > 18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

>> > 19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not

>>like

>> > ovens.

>> > 20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5 minute response time.

>> > 21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms

>>dizzy.

>> > It will however make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body

>>weight

>> > when dizzy.

>> >

>> > The mind of a six year old is wonderful.

>> > ************************************************************

>> >

>> > First Grade.....TRUE STORY

>> > One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three

>>Little

>> > Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first

>>pig

>> > was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

>> >

>> > She read, " ...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow

>>full

>> > of straw and said, " Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to

>> > build my house?' "

>> >

>> > The teacher paused then asked the class, " And what do you think that

>>man

>> > said? "

>> >

>> > One little boy raised his hand and said, " I think he said 'Holy S*#!! A

>> > talking pig! "

>> >

>> > The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

>> > ***********************************************************

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > (See attached file: jrc1.vcf)

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> > Ron Holbert

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>>

>

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