Having a blue day.

July 21, 2004

I am having a bad day guys. I know that I dont post often here, but I

do read all the messages and often find very helpful information from

all of you. I am hoping that some of you might be able to relate or

even possibly give some advice. I dont know, but I might need some

professional help.

I am having a real issue with my weight and possibly gaining any.

Interesting that there was a previous message about how much weight

we could/should gain. I guess my problem is that I dont want to gain

any and I am begining to feel really FAT. This feeling is affecting

my relationship with my baby's father. I dont feel attractive or sexy

and I truely feel fat. I feel like my hips are getting wider and my

love handles are rebounding back to the thick ugly lard rolls. I put

on clothes that are maternity and they fit fine but I also know that

I am begining to fill them out.

As far as my relationship with my boyfriend, because I am battling

these feelings of obesity and failure with my WLS, I am also battling

the intimate side of us. I just dont feel like being intimate. At

night I dont even want him near me. I want to sleep on my side and

him on his. My bf works eves and doesnt get home sometimes until 2 am

and then when he does he wants to be sweet and come in and give me

kisses that wake me up. But lately I have been pushing him away.

Telling him some excuse or another to get him to leave me alone.

He asked me about this today when we went to lunch. He is concerned

that I am not accepting the pregnancy. He is worried that I am hating

myself and finding fault with everything I am doing. He didnt say

much about us being intimate because he thinks that if I can get past

the image problem we can work that part out too. I am not saying that

we havent been intimate at all lately, we have but it has been on my

terms and when I want to. Sometimes I just dont feel attracted to him

in those ways right now. I love him and want to stay with him, but I

am so confused as to what I am going through.

My body is changing again so rapidly. The doctor has said that I have

only gained 1/2 a pound so far and I am 16 weeks preggo. She was

thrilled with that and told me to keep up the good work. But it

depressed me. When I told her that I didnt want to gain anything she

got on me about all the fluids and baby that was growing inside. Then

she proceeded to tell me that she was worried I wasnt going to gain

anything at all during the pregnancy. Please dont get me wrong, I do

want a baby. I always thought I would be a mother someday. But I also

had myself convinced that I couldnt have kids of my own and that I

would adopt. Being obese and having PCOS I lost an ovary 6 years ago

and that only reconvicted what I assumed before. That I would be a

mom someday but through other means and yet here I am having a baby

at the end of the year.

Enough of me rambling on. Thanks for listening.

~Hugs~ Shalonda

RNY 9/11/03

300/180/1??

EDD 1/6/05

July 21, 2004

Having had trouble with infertility, I was willing to put on a few

pounds to get pregnant and they were pounds well worth it! I have more

to lose but I'm not hung up on the numbers anymore. I am so thankful

that the Lord blessed me with a beautiful baby boy! I am also blessed

that the Lord put WLS and surgeons into my life to cross my path to

help me. Can't stop there, I'm on a roll! lol I also truly believe he

sent my fertility dr to me who knew just what to do. I didn't obsess

about the weight gain (which ended up just being 18# that came off in

2 weeks). I can't say as I understand how you feel since having a baby

outweighed (no pun intended) any fear of gaining all my weight back

since my pouch was smaller and I had a healthier lifestyle and was

smaller so I could excercise (which is something I'd never been able

to do at 315#!).

sorry to rant.... if you gain any weight, its most likely going to be

mostly baby and baby products and will come off rather easily. Our

surgery was a tool and I know I came out of it much more educated

about how to use it.

Just wait til you hold that baby in your arms that you never thought

you'd have.... you'll not worry about that extra few pounds that

you'll lose soon enough! This all goes without saying that you can't

use the excuse that you are eating for 2 now and start packing on the

pounds. I think most of us (HOPEFULLY ALL OF US) have learned a great

deal since our drastic step to having the WLS and won't stuff our

faces full just because we're carrying a baby inside of us. try not to

worry and enjoy this tiny miracle God has placed into YOUR uterus to

carry for Him. That is the most important part.

and also, try not to panic when your stomach size increases (seems as

if its the norm b/c of the " relaxin " relaxin' your pouch as well as

the rest of your body. Also, you will most likely have RAVENOUS hunger

spells that last for weeks. Know these are normal and we've most all

experienced them.

You'll be fine, but if for some reason you have a deeper irrational

fear, perhaps you should seek counseling to help you deal with these

issues. I'm glad I found this message board to help me with alot of

issues!!

Best wishes!

Sheila

July 22, 2004

It's hard to adjust to weight gain. People around us just don't

understand how hard it is on our self-esteem after working so hard to

loose the weight. My mom started telling me i was getting fat again

early in the pregnancy. I was proud of myself, at 5 1/2 months i had

only put on 9 lbs. Since the onset of the diabetes however i'm now at

26lbs with 7 weeks to go.

My WLS gave me grief over it at my annual checkup. He was sarcastic

about my taking the weight off again after the baby. I explained with

the diet the nutritionist put me on (she's even the same one he sends

all of his WLS patients to) that i've gained weight by eating extra

carbs that i would've never eaten before getting pregnant.

Luckily, i have a wonderful husband who scoulds me when i make even

teasing comments about my weight gain and not feeling attractive.

It's a complete opposite from my ex who was with me when i had the

weight loss surgery. We broke up after he got extremly jealous of my

new body and the attention i was getting.

My only advice is to take the weight gain in stride with the

pregnancy. It will come off again after the baby. And be thankful you

have a good man standing by your side who thinks you are still

beautiful!

Rita

July 22, 2004

Dear Shalonda,

Be gentle with yourself you are still in the early parts of your pregnancy. The

first part is when you are emotional. I had a hard time also going into the

maternity section and not being able to fit into all the cute clothes that I had

purchased for my newer smaller body.

It's especially hard to feel all cute in the summer when you want to go to the

beach and swimming and it looks like you have a basketball strapped to your

front.

I haven't gained any weight this pregnancy and it looks like I might be having

our new son on Friday. But my body definately did change!!

I am rounder everywhere and I don't feel attractive or sexy....But my husband

thinks I am which does help a lot.

I think as long as you are honest with your boyfriend and realize you both are

separate entities entitled to your own thoughts, feelings and reactions

everything will be okay.

Good luck and don't feel bad for having the blues...I think its happened to all

of us.

Chrystal

Wife to Jace - together 6 Years!

Happy Mommy to - 4 Years Old!

Jonas Due July 28, 2004!

Zookeeper for 2 big dogs and 6 cats who let me feed them!

http://chrystallife.50megs.com/

http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/seeswensonauctions/

July 22, 2004

> I am having a real issue with my weight and possibly gaining any.

> Interesting that there was a previous message about how much weight

> we could/should gain. I guess my problem is that I dont want to gain

> any and I am begining to feel really FAT. This feeling is affecting

> my relationship with my baby's father. I dont feel attractive or sexy

oh Shalonda, having a baby is just one more wonderful new change we

have bought for ourselves and we bought this oppotunity with our own

hard work and pain. We struggled thru the surgery, recovery and diet

plan afterwards to win back our health, freedom and future. If your

future now includes a baby and (MAYBE) a few extra pounds after

pregnancy, well you have to decide for yourself how you feel about

that, but for me if I never lose another lb and even gain a few (VERY

few!) back I will trade that for the joy of having my baby. I am 50

lbs from my goal still and that can be so frustrating, but I still

lost 130 lbs and regained my fertility so that is an accomplishment I

can be so proud of. You need to look at your own accomplishments and

try to distance your emotions from the scale numbers.

I am 3 months now and at my last appt I hadn't gained an ounce. I

must have had this gleeful gloating look on my face because the

physician's assistant got a worried look and told me " You KNOW you

will have to gain weight during the pregnany! " she had other bypass

patients who did themselves harm by fighting and making sure they

didn't gain weight. Now don't go nuts, avoid the junk foods, stick to

your doctor's plan and the food/exercise plan that has worked for you

so far, but these feelings you are giving into are just not fair to

yourself. You are stronger and more beautiful not for the lbs you

lost but for the determination and self-love you showed yourself for

enduring all the hardships of bypass surgery and recovery.

> As far as my relationship with my boyfriend, because I am battling

> these feelings of obesity and failure with my WLS, I am also battling

> the intimate side of us. I just dont feel like being intimate. At

> night I dont even want him near me. I want to sleep on my side and

> him on his. My bf works eves and doesnt get home sometimes until 2 am

> and then when he does he wants to be sweet and come in and give me

> kisses that wake me up. But lately I have been pushing him away.

> Telling him some excuse or another to get him to leave me alone.

You are only a few weeks further than I am and I'll tell you, I

haven't had any negative thoughts about my body (except cursing

because i had to spend money on some new bigger bras) and I too

haven't wanted much intimacy from hubby. morning sickness, fatigue,

hormones and just feeling like crap, none of those things do much for

our desire or how attractive we feel to our partners. your guy is

fair to bring them up and to worry about you, but you have to know

that this baby IS going to put some pounds on you. The hard work that

lost you 120 lbs will help you focus and get back on track after the

baby is born. If you adopted and had to step on the scale holding

your baby in its 15 lbs baby carrier you would then kick yourself for

the extra numbers, would you? That is all that is happening now, you

have to look at the numbers that include a baby and the weight of the

fluids and tissue that are its baby carrier for the next 6 months.

I hope these insights have helped you. We've all got internal

adjustmetns to make to our thinking but we have to love ourselves

first no matter what.

be well!

Colleen

13 weeks pregnant

open RNY 5-2002

360/230/180

July 22, 2004

You're not alone, Shalonda. I know all too well, all about body image

issues. 1st I was heavy, then I got thin but looked like a deflated

sack, & now I'm pg & though thrilled, I'm having to deal with an

expanded belly---guess my pannus is filling out again--haha. Let's

just say that I don't feel like the agile & strong chick I was pre-pg.

(quit yoga & weight training).

Blame the hormones, girl:-) We're goin' through mega changes &

adjustments. Our bb's are worth it.

WlsMomma

> I am having a bad day guys. I know that I dont post often here, but I

> do read all the messages and often find very helpful information from

> all of you. I am hoping that some of you might be able to relate or

> even possibly give some advice. I dont know, but I might need some

> professional help.

I guess my problem is that I dont want to gain

> any and I am begining to feel really FAT. This feeling is affecting

> my relationship with my baby's father. I dont feel attractive or sexy

> and I truely feel fat. I feel like my hips are getting wider and my

> love handles are rebounding back to the thick ugly lard rolls. I put

> on clothes that are maternity and they fit fine but I also know that

> I am begining to fill them out.

>