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1st timer worries

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Hi all. I am having some serious issues and I don't know where else

to turn, so you all are my chosen " ears " ....Here's the deal. I am 12

weeks pregnant with my first. I've not yet started to feel excited--

not one bit. I felt nothing but a detached interest at the 8 week

ultrasound, and the appointment yesterday to hear the heartbeat was

just kind of bizarre. My friends told me they cried, it was amazing,

they felt a bond.....all I could think was, " that sounds nothing like

I thought it would. It sounds like the beat you'd always hear the

Indians playing in those old Westerns...BOOM, boom, boom, boom

BOOM. " I know, wierd. No awed amazment, no " oh my gosh, I have a

baby in there " moment, just " that's not what it's supposed to sound

like. " Is this wierd?

Also, I'm sure the baby is not going to be ok. I was hesitant to

tell anyone about the pregnancy because I was certain that if I told

people that I would lose the baby. My DH is getting annoyed with my

lack of excitement and my " nervous nellie " attitude. He wants me to

enjoy my pregnancy.

Help me! do I need therapy?

EDD 2/3/05

RNY 4/21/01

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