Hubby Changed His Mind About Wanting a Baby-LONG!

[Guest guest]

Maybe he is so afraid of another miscarriage and doesn't know if he could go

through that pain again. He was so excited the two other times, only to have

the emotional pain of the miscarriages and especially the last one being so

far along. I don't know how your husband is about expressing his feelings

openly, maybe this is his way of dealing with it. Things have a way of

affecting

people in ways that sometimes they don't even realize the root of why they

feel the way they do.

When I was 16, I experienced an event that I realize now has affected the

way I have felt about certain things for the past 14 years. It didn't bother me

as much at the time, but as time went on, it had a serious emotional effect

on me (PTSD or whatever) and still does.

(http://lilypie.com/)

[Guest guest]

If you want another baby to make your family bigger you can always adopt.

That way you don't have to worry about the pain of losing another baby. There

are sooooo many children out there looking for familles. Just a thought.

Meridth

Wife to Larry (02/22/02)

Mother to Forrest (01/21/01)

Expecting #2 02/14/05

Gastric ByPass 02/23/04

370/278pg/175 goalweight

[Guest guest]

shumbera1002@... writes:

Is that a normal reaction, a couple years after our last miscarriage?

-------------------------------------------------------------

After my 2nd pg / 1st m/c last July ( My Noah was 9 months old at the time)

I swore off ever having any more children. The ordeal was horrible.. as I was 14

weeks.. but baby stopped developing at 5 weeks.... the placenta kept growing and

something detatched...Ambulance was involved.. and my bp was down to 70/30.

Noah was born at 31 weeks and we don't know why.

2 strikes for me.

Post M/C I started to seriously pursue Gastric Bypass surgery and had the WLS

12/2/03... and accidentally got preggers 10 weeks later.

Of course we are both terrified... and currently will be 26 weeks tomorrow..

already with the complications.

I am 33 and electing to have my tubes tied at time of C section.. If I

didn't.. dh would do his.. and he is ADAMANT about not wanting anymore children.

Part of me is sad thinking this is my last baby....yet realisitcally....it is

hard for me to be pregnant with my complications and with a 2 year old.

I can't imagine having two young children and repeating this again.

You are *only* 23..and have lots and lots and lots of years left for having

kids.

Maybe it might be a good idea to just go along with hubby for a few months...

until you find out exactly what his reservations are....You can talk about it...

Honestly.. the LAST thing you want is to be pregnant with a partner who is

less than thrilled. It is a VERY lonely experience.

K

[Guest guest]

Maybe you should see a dcotor first to see if they can help ease his mind

about pregnancy. I can understand him being scared but I also understand your

want of another baby. I think he will change his mind, he is just nervous.

God Bless, Robin

Wife to Pup for 15 years

Mommy to-

and

(twin boys, 8 years) and

Daughter Madison- age 5 1/2

and new Mommy to-

Emerson Roger born

July 28, 2004 at 4:11 am

8lbs 7 oz, 20 1/2 inches long.

[Guest guest]

So, over the past few years, my hubby has been dying to have another

baby. We had two miscarriages in this time, both times I was pregnant

with twins. Once I miscarried after 6 weeks, didn't even know I was

pregnant until I was bleeding so much I thought I was hemmoraging and

went to the ER. They removed 2 products of conception that I was about

to pass and sent me home. That bummed me out and I was scared to try

again. Finally, my hubby comforted me to the point that I was agreed

to try again. This time, I carried the twins till I was in the 16th

week. One had stopped developing at 14 weeks, the other at 16, when I

began to miscarry again. We were sure this was a keeper pregnancy,

having made it past 12 weeks AND having heard both heartbeats and

having a sonogram that looked great. Unfortunately it was not meant to

be, and I miscarried twin girls. This just about broke my heart and I

declared that I didn't want any more babies. I felt like I was pushing

my luck, since I already have one beautiful, healthy son. (Had him

prior to both miscarriages.) Again, my hubby let me know how much he

wanted another baby. Almost two years later and I finally agreed. In

fact, I am DYING to have another baby, with all my heart. And suddenly

my hubby did a 180. I got off birth control a month ago and he was

actively going for it till last night. He told me he was scared about

losing another baby and that he didn't want to try anymore right now.

Is that a normal reaction, a couple years after our last miscarriage?

Especially since he was so gung-ho up until last night? I asked him

when he would be ready and he said he wasn't positive he'd ever be

ready again. I'm only 23 and I want another baby-I can't imagine not

having one. What should I do? What can I say to him? Someone please

help me.

[Guest guest]

I certainly feel for you. I almost certainly wanted another baby @ age

37 and after 2 failed inseminations (that worked fantastic 1st try 2

years ago) my dr did alot of labs that showed I was severely anemic to

a mere 6gms of hemoglobin. I would change my newborns diaper and have

to lie across the bed for 10-15 minutes to rest up afterward. Now, I

am feeling some better but I realize that the last pregnancy nearly

did me in. My bones hurt an ache all the time ? metabolic bone dx? I

am in the middle of serring seven specialists (and I am the one who

came up with the research that the med they put me on for my bone pain

when the baby was 2 months old was causing bone marrow suppression).

In any case, I realize now, to subject myself to another preg, EVEN if

I could get pregnant, may result in miscarriage of the baby or

potentially, something horribly going wrong with me (I have a 10 yr

old and a 22 month old).

My problem? My hubby talks constantly about having another baby, since

he just has the one 22 month old. long story short- I feel so

pressured to give him a baby b/c of his talking about it all the time.

*sigh*

I'm too old, am in poor physical condition to even sondier trying to

being another little life inside me.

I can't speak for fathers, although I can only imagine how upsetting a

MC can be for them, but for the mother it has to be devastating.

Perhaps just telling him that YOU feel you are ready to try again.

chances are he's just as scared as you are, even though it's YOUR body

that's going to be carrying the baby.

Best wishes!

SHeila

[Guest guest]

Holy crap - it must be the weather or the alignment of the moons or something

because my husband pulled the SAME THING on me last night! I don't have the

miscarriage background that you do but my husband went from actively wanting a

baby to all of a sudden saying he doesn't think he ever wants kids. This

happened to me last night too. I have an 11 year old from a previous marriage

but I so wanted a baby with my husband. I'm devastated. I don't know if I can

get past this. I've been looking at baby names and furniture and have had

nothing but baby on the brain since I went off the pill last month. I feel like

someone reached in my chest and pulled out my heart.

I came on line this evening to say that I just can't stay an active memeber of

the group because I hurt too much and I don't belong anymore but I just had to

post a reply to this since I'm in the same situation, kind of.

Sab