The middle wife

[Guest guest]

> The Middle Wife By an anonymous 2nd grade teacher

>

> I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two

> kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I

> saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When

> I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few

> sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness

> and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet

> turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff

> like that. And I never, ever, place any boundaries or

> limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and

> talk about it, they're welcome.

> Well, one day this little girl, a, a very bright, very

> outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of

> the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds

> up a snapshot of an infant. " This is Luke, my baby brother,

> and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and

> Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a

> seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there.

> He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. " She's

> standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying

> not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The

> kids are watching her in amazement.

> " Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and

> going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' a puts a hand behind her back and

> groans. " She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh,

> oh, oh! " Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk,

> holding her back and groaning. " My Dad called the middle

> wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on

> the car like the Domino's man. "

> " They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this. " Then a

> lies down with her back against the wall. " And then, pop! My

> Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got

> thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed,

> like psshhheew! " This kid has her legs spread and with her

> little hands are miming water flowing away. It was too much!

> "

> Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe,

> breathe.' " " They started counting, but never even got past

> ten. " " Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was

> covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's

> play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there. "

> Then a stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned

> to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since

> then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just

> in case another a comes along.

> Life is meant to be lived . . . enjoy! Laughing helps. It's

> like jogging on the inside.