Hi All - Mothering, My Labor, and marriage woes - LONG!

August 20, 2004

Hi All,

I know I have been very absent since Jonas was born.

I have been trying to adjust to taking care of 2 kids and basically doing it by

myself because hubby is so busy with work. Keeping the house clean, taking care

of 8 animals, laundry, breastfeeding, and trying to remember to eat and drink.

Not to mention getting over a massive kidney infection....uggh.

I will say this about my labor experience. It was extremely traumatic for all

involved. I had a c-section with our first son after 28 hours of non

progressive labor and this time as soon as my hubby found out about AVBAC he

felt very gung ho that this is what we should do and I was nervous and skeptical

but thought I would try it.

On Friday before Jonas was born I had an allergic reaction to a fire

extinguisher after putting out a fire in our backyard....It started contractions

2-5 minutes apart and I made quite a few trips to labor and delivery and each

time they said I was still stuck at 2 cm and not changed in effacement.

Monday morning after another sleepless painfilled night they began induction by

breaking my water and then starting me on pitocin. I went from 3-8 centimeters

in just a few hours. My labor and delivery nurses were fabulous. I got my

epidural and spinal combination and wasn't really feeling much of anything for a

while...then the epidural wore off and they cathetarized me and the epidural was

topped off and it started working again. Suddenly I started barfing and feeling

massive pressure. The L & D nurse put a page in to call the doctor....The

doctor didn't come...So the L & D nurse checked me herself and put in another

page for the doctor and still the doctor didn't come. Jonas' heart rate dropped

very low and the L & D nurse put in another page and again the doctor didn't

come.....The L & D nurses got me ready to push and one of them ran to find the

doctor....who happened to be walking down the hall. They came in and I started

pushing with all my heart because I knew something was terribly wrong. They

pulled out the vacuum extraction thing and attempted 3 times to get him out.

Another doctor came in and she wanted to take me for an emergency c-section but

the other doctor said let me try a few more times and they literally were

shouting at eachother. On the 4th or 5th try they got him out and he was not

breathing and he was taken away by the NICU team.

Then I started having massive pain and bleeding and they were going to take me

for emergency surgery because they thought I had ruptured my c-section scar.

But they decided to wait and watch while I was being sewn up. I had 2 massive

tears and 2 cuts going down to my rectum from the epesiotomy. The doctor sewed

me for an hour. Meanwhile I didn't know if my son was okay and I was hysterical

this whole time crying and praying. The doctors kept telling me it wasn't my

fault.

And this is what we found out later.....

The reason the doctors didn't come when paged is because they weren't paged

until 10 minutes after the nurse requested them. The person at the

communication center didn't think it was possible for me to dilate as fast as I

did and took it into their own hands not to give the doctors the information

from my labor and delivery nurses....also the person gave the doctors the wrong

information. He told the doctors I was feeling pressure...not what was actually

happening. This person has been suspended pending investigation....whatever

that means.

Jonas spent 4 days in the NICU and was intubated the first 24 hours. He had

massive bruising and cuts on his head from the vacuum. I stayed in the hospital

4 days because of the extent of tearing and I literally couldn't walk...

I went up to the NICU and breastfed him and held him. It is the most horrible

thing in the world to see your child in one of these places. I was thankful to

have it at my hospital but it is heartbreaking. There were over 59 babies in

the NICU and Jonas was the biggest......some were smaller than our kitten and it

just made me cry so much for these women who come every day and sit vigil with

their tiny babies.

When we left the hospital I felt happy and sad. I watched as mothers had to

turn away crying because they knew their babies would not be coming home for

quite a long time and I felt badly for being so happy that we were going home as

a family together.

Does anyone know what I mean by this?

As far as my marriage...I feel angry at myself and my hubby because of the VBAC.

He kept telling me it was better for me and I didn't trust myself. Something

deep in my head said don't do it...it's not safe.....you know the dangers. My

parents kept telling me not to do it and even some people on this list told me

not to do it. I should have listened. But part of me wanted to believe that

something would finally go right and easily for us...I was wrong and I feel so

horribly guilty for what Jonas went through.

He is so healthy and strong now but I just know how much more wrong things could

have gone - he could have died or I could have died.

My husband wants to be all lovey dovey towards me. He says he is amazed by what

I did and blah blah blah. I just feel mad at him. He keeps telling me its over

and to focus on the positive....he's even talking about having another baby.

I honestly don't think that I want to go through pregnancy ever again. And at

this point sex is not even something that is in my thoughts with all the major

construction that has gone on in my girl parts. I looked at myself with a

mirror and it just looks like frankenstein down there........BLEK! Sorry if

that is Too much info..!

And just so you all don't think I've fallen down the pit of Post partum

depression....I'm okay - honest. I am delighted in my son. He is so beautiful.

He is so much an easier baby than his big brother. He breastfeeds like a

champion, sleeps well, and just has the sweetest little cry. I think being a mom

the second time around is so much easier. And its so nice I can actually shower

every day this time around..... would scream if I put him down and needed

constant holding....Jonas is happy to lay in his crib and watch his fishy thing

or his mobile.

I'm thinking of going with the boys to my parents in California for a few weeks

to just have some space from hubby and maybe I can feel loving towards him

again. I know he knows how I feel but he is not really taking it

seriously...he's just doing the typical man thing and acting as if nothing is

wrong.

Besides that I am so happy my kidney infection is gone and I am able to eat a

bit more normally again. I have to constantly remind myself to eat and drink

and I am still losing weight.....

Again a weight recap...I weighed 226 when I conceived, 211 on the day I had

Jonas and now I weigh.....175. I had my Rny 2 years ago in March....All my

clothes are huge on me and my bra's are even too big...! I love it.

I am also faithfully taking my vitamins each day....something I did not do when

I was pregnant. I got these adult chewable vitamins and I take mine everyday

when I give our 4.5 year old his vitamins. It's our daily ritual...ha ha.

I'm counting the days until school starts for so I can take some naps

during the daytime...! He will be in 2 full days of preschool which will be so

nice!!!!!!He has a late birthday and missed the cutoff date for kindergarten.

So I just wanted to check in and say Hi - let you all know I'm alive and just

busy.

If anyone wants to talk to me personally email me at nowhiners@...

because I do try to check my email every day although I don't often get to read

all the posts because or Jonas always need me as soon as Iog onto the

computer. When I think to do email...it seems like it is a cluster feeding day

for Jonas and I am definately not coordinated enough to type and breastfeed - ha

ha.

So thank you to anyone who got to the bottom of this....now I am going to bed!

Chrystal

Wife to Jace - together 6 Years!

Happy Mommy to - 4 Years Old!

Baby Jonas Born August 2, 2004 8 Pounds & 8 Ounces!

Zookeeper for 2 big dogs and 6 cats who let me feed them!

http://chrystallife.50megs.com/

http://members.ebay.com/aboutme/seeswensonauctions/

August 21, 2004

In a message dated 8/20/2004 11:14:36 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

nowhiners@... writes:

Jonas spent 4 days in the NICU and was intubated the first 24 hours. He had

massive bruising and cuts on his head from the vacuum. I stayed in the

hospital 4 days because of the extent of tearing and I literally couldn't

walk...

I went up to the NICU and breastfed him and held him. It is the most

horrible thing in the world to see your child in one of these places. I was

thankful

to have it at my hospital but it is heartbreaking. There were over 59 babies

in the NICU and Jonas was the biggest......some were smaller than our kitten

and it just made me cry so much for these women who come every day and sit

vigil with their tiny babies.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The NICU is so very sad. Noah spent 30 days in there.. and that was

considered a SHORT stay. It is SO traumatic to leave the hospital with your

flowers

and balloons... and no baby.

But.. we mommy's do what we must and we do survive it... and eventually

recover from it!

I am so sorry you had such a traumatic birth experience and that your girly

parts are all stitched up.. I can't even begin to imagine it.

As for hubby's and thier thoughts on childbirth.... dh and I are arguing now

about delivery.

He wants to be there and cut the cord.... fine. BUT I am requesting to be

knocked out for Delivery... my last C section was horrible... the spinal wasn't

right.. I felt cutting and sewing...and I REFUSE to go back into surgery

unless I am sleeping.

If I am knocked out.. he can't be there. And this isn't about HIM.. it is

about ME and MY body.

You know.. dh didn't want me to get the RNY .. but I pulled the it's my body

/ my life.. and went to EVERY appt by myself with a young toddler in tow...

even all the hospital testing.. did it all by myself. When the day came.. dh

did bring me to the hospital and was supportive.. but he is still upset to this

day that I didn't " ask " him his opinion. Why should I ?? I knew what it was.

LOL

I guess what I am saying is that I know all about the " spouse " issue... and I

just have to hope it all works itself out in the long run... but at this

point in my life.... I just have to do what is best for me and my kids.. and if

that sounds selfish ... then I guess I am selfish!

I can live with that!!

Give lots of hugs to that baby Jonas!!!!!!!!!!!

***************************************************

K in Ft Lauderdale

Noah - 10/14/02 - 31 weeker

Jonah - edd 11/18/04 ( currently High Risk Pg.. not WLS related)

Open RNY - 12/02/03

262/200/someday maybe in the 120's??

August 21, 2004

Wow Chrystal, That must of been ssooo scarey. I am so osrry you both had such

a rough time. try not to blame your hubby though, Nobody knows how these

deliveries are going to go. I know he must be sad that it did not turn out like

he

had wanted it to for you and he probably feels bad about that. I am glad you

and your baby are well now. My twins went to NICU when they were born and it

is a very say place but then again it is a happy place for those who's babies

got to survive, without a NICU they probably would not have. My smallest was

3#10 and 16 1/2 inches and he was still bigger than alot of the babies up there.

I had a massive episiotomy too, I feel for you. I had such a hard time to sit

and was so ripped, cut and swollen. The things us women go thru to have a

baby while the man just gets lucky I ripped bay like that fort he twins tooe

vent hough they were small babies but when I ahd my daughter who was 9#4 I

hardly ripped at all and only had a few stitches but this doctor kept rubbing

this

ointment down there the whole time I was pushing which was a hour and 15

minutes so my body adjusted to her head coming. Emerson here was fast and I tore

alot and what did not tear the doctor cut. It DOES look bad doesn't it. I think

mine is mostly healed now though, still sore at times though and burned to

pee but that went away. I know how you feel about taking care of all the

critters and the kids and house too. i am cleaning upa fter 8 cats, too damn

many in

my opinion. I wish I could find good homes for the 2 kittens but EVERYONE has

kittens in the paper to give away and mine are 6 months old. well, i gotta go

fold some laundry. I am glad you are much better and that your beautiful son

is healthy now and you can hold him and cuddle him

God Bless, Robin

Wife to Pup for 15 years

Mommy to-

and

(twin boys, 8 years) and

Daughter Madison- age 5 1/2

and new Mommy to-

Emerson Roger born

July 28, 2004 at 4:11 am

8lbs 7 oz, 20 1/2 inches long.

August 21, 2004

((((Chrystal))))) I've been waiting for your birth story, I

remember your initial post stating you & bb almost died & something

about a " massive episiotomy " . Sorry you went through that ordeal.

I've read so very many OB med mal cases, each & every one cuts me to

the core.

Enjoy your beautiful little guy, sending even more healing wishes.

WlsMomma

EDD 12/20ish/04 with # 1

August 21, 2004

wow crystal, that's aweful. i'm sorry you went thru such a horrid time. here's

my opinion on the hubby thing...have you told him exactly how you feel, there is

no doubt that he knows? if so, then hey, he needs it to sink in that you feel

strongly about this and i say go ahead and go to your parents house in cali for

a bit. maybe then he'll get the message and like you said, you need space.

just let him know you can't handle him acting all manly about it and you need

compassion and need him to feel what you feel and understnad what you feel.

you take care of you, glad to hear you are on the mend nad getting better.

wonderful that jonas is being such a good baby for you. maybe you can sue the

hospital? stay on thier butts and make that nurse that screwed up pay.

you have every right to feel how you do, and don't let anyone tell you

otherwise...hugs, jenn

aka mom2ben99 (jennilee75@...)

Kay Independent Beauty Consultant

http://www.marykay.com/koopmans

I have all your summer care needs...tanning lotion, sunblock, even sunblock for

your lips, get yours today!

Hi All - Mothering, My Labor, and marriage woes -

LONG!

Hi All,

I know I have been very absent since Jonas was born.

I have been trying to adjust to taking care of 2 kids and basically doing it

by myself because hubby is so busy with work. Keeping the house clean, taking

care of 8 animals, laundry, breastfeeding, and trying to remember to eat and

drink. Not to mention getting over a massive kidney infection....uggh.

I will say this about my labor experience. It was extremely traumatic for all

involved. I had a c-section with our first son after 28 hours of non

progressive labor and this time as soon as my hubby found out about AVBAC he

felt very gung ho that this is what we should do and I was nervous and skeptical

but thought I would try it.

On Friday before Jonas was born I had an allergic reaction to a fire

extinguisher after putting out a fire in our backyard....It started contractions

2-5 minutes apart and I made quite a few trips to labor and delivery and each

time they said I was still stuck at 2 cm and not changed in effacement.

Monday morning after another sleepless painfilled night they began induction

by breaking my water and then starting me on pitocin. I went from 3-8

centimeters in just a few hours. My labor and delivery nurses were fabulous. I

got my epidural and spinal combination and wasn't really feeling much of

anything for a while...then the epidural wore off and they cathetarized me and

the epidural was topped off and it started working again. Suddenly I started

barfing and feeling massive pressure. The L & D nurse put a page in to call the

doctor....The doctor didn't come...So the L & D nurse checked me herself and put

in another page for the doctor and still the doctor didn't come. Jonas' heart

rate dropped very low and the L & D nurse put in another page and again the

doctor didn't come.....The L & D nurses got me ready to push and one of them ran

to find the doctor....who happened to be walking down the hall. They came in

and I started pushing with all my heart because I knew something was terribly

wrong. They pulled out the vacuum extraction thing and attempted 3 times to get

him out. Another doctor came in and she wanted to take me for an emergency

c-section but the other doctor said let me try a few more times and they

literally were shouting at eachother. On the 4th or 5th try they got him out and

he was not breathing and he was taken away by the NICU team.