depressed

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I wasn't on the pill, THAT

MONTH, but had been for YEARS before that, and had been with my boyfriend

about 2 weeks when a condom broke. I told him not to stress because I had

been told many times I wouuldn't be able to get preggers without tons of

work. Well I didn't think twice about it, and then about a month later a

girlfriend of mine was talking about how she had cramps and I about fell off

my stool realizing it had been almost 2 months since my last period. The

next day I took a pregnancy test, and then 5 more, just in case the first

five were wrong... Needless to say, that wasn't the case.

I was not in a " baby place " I lived in a high rise in downtown Chicago,

living the sex in the city life to the fullest. I didn't have any illusions

about the guy I had been seeing being Mr. Right, he didn't even have a

divorce yet, although he had been seperated for 3 years, but we had fun

together and that was where we both were in life. I have wanted children my

whole life, when all my friends in our college town started to get married

and have kids, I was still the fat chick, no prospects of anyone seeing past

it for anything but a good time in the sac, and I certainly wasn't finding

anyone I could start a family with. It was very hard to watch all of my

friends live the life I so desperately wanted so I picked up and moved

downtown. I had my DS about a year later after I moved and so began my

life. I swear, I didn't know what living was until almost a year after my

wls.

I was single, cute, sexy, and normal for the first time in my life. Guys

were falling all over me, I was finally happy with me, had a ton of friends

that were my age, no kids, no responsibilities, and really none of us wanted

any at that point. We were at a very selfish stage in our lives were it was

all about us, and we didn't really need anyone else to have to worry about.

I was dating many people, not just one, and at times even sleeping with a

few of them. It was a very free love time of my life, and while I am glad

that I experienced it, because I never did when I was younger... As a

result I got preggers.

Last winter, I was working with the father, we were both pretty big

partyers, and we always had a blast. It was all very casual, and then BAM!

About a week before I found out I was pregnant, he decided to try to work

things out with his wife. That was actually fine with me, like I said, it

wasn't like I was in love with the guy, we just really liked each other. So

when a week later I found out I was pregnant that didn't exactly sit well

with him. He demanded I have an abortion, said I was irresponsible, had

been drinking, smoking, etc. and that if I had the baby it would have all

kinds of problems because I was a terrible person and could never be a

mother, etc. At 31 years old, after having wanted this my whole life and

having recent surgeries and fertilitiy issues that told me that I might

never have my own kids, I was an emotional wreck.

I wasn't in a place in my life when I wanted a baby either, I didn't want to

move out of the city, but couldn't afford day care in Chicago on my own.

All my friends didn't know what to do with me, if they couldn't take me out

dancing and buy me a martini to ease the pain, they were pretty much at a

loss, as I would have been if it was one of them. As I said, a baby just

wasn't part of the life plan just then... But at the same time, this was

something I had always wanted, and without a doubt, might never happen

again. I personally couldn't go through with an abortion. Maybe at 22, but

not at 30. So to me it wasn't a question of what, it was how and when.

I left chicago and moved back to where I grew up as a young kid, in the twin

cities, MN. It was a HUGE culture shock, plus I had to stay with Mom and

Dad for about 3 months while I found a job at 16 weeks pregnant, and an

apartment, etc. The father still wont speak to me, and I am looking at

doing it all alone.

And I would do it all over again in a heart beat. No questions asked. I

have monthly ultra sounds and feel almost like I know this little peroson

living inside me already. Every time it moves, or gets the hiccups it

almost makes me want to cry. I have had a number of complications, and am

on partial bed rest at the moment, and still, there is nothing I would do to

change a thing. Hang in there, trust YOUR gut. Know that you will make the

right decision, and that with or without his support you will be just fine.

Keep the faith girl, it will be ok.

Jen