Re: I need some support and help.-Shalonda

[Guest guest]

Gosh girl im sorry your going through this at such a delicate time in

your life...but your family and friends are right...he needs to grow

up and take responsibility but he cannot do that if your taking care

of him...if your able to take care of yourself, have him go get his

life together and come back when he has grown up..thats just my

suggestion..i have seen this type of situation all to often and

unfortunalty people wont change unless they are ready and serious...

> I am having some problems at home and hope that someone maybe in my

> shoes or someone that has been in my shoes can lend some hope or

> strength to do what I must.

>

> I am 24 weeks pregnant with my first. Totally unplanned. I didnt

> think I could have children of my own. The father and I had only

> known each other for 3 months when I conceived. I thought he was

> great but needed to grow up and act responsible at the age of 31.

>

> Since I have been pregnant he has promised to do this and do that

to

> take care of us. We now live together and have for 3 months. But it

> has been some of the most stressful days of my life. I just found

out

> that he has been lying this whole time about money. How much he

> makes, how much he owes in back child support, how much he has paid

> into bills etc.

>

> Last week I came home to an eviction notice because of unpaid rent.

I

> was so mad. Previous to that 6 weeks ago I came home to the power

> being turned off and then just 2 weeks ago the cable was turned

off.

> Granted I make plenty of money to take care of myself and him if I

> had to in good style. But because he has promised and insisted that

> he can and wants to do this I have left it in his hands.

Consiquently

> I have spent most of my funds buying new furniture and getting

ready

> for baby.

>

> With this notice on the door I began to question what was really

> going on. (note: I have been seeing a counselor who has opened my

> eyes alot in the past few months to some other issues I have with

him

> and she has said that she didnt think it was going to change and

that

> since I feel that he is not my " Ideal " mate that I needed to really

> look into my relationship.)

>

> Well When I questioned him he just danced all around the subject.

> Long story short he lied lied lied about so many things I couldnt

> believe it. I even called his mom (who I dont think knows I am

> pregnant by the way) and she threw it all back at me and said that

I

> should have listen to her when she advised me to let him live in

low

> income housing and save his money etc. She said that I came in with

> my " I can fix anything attitude " and pushed him to live a high life

> style. Well I am sorry but a 2 bedroom apartment for only

$625/month

> is nothing. In our area housing goes for alot more than that and I

am

> use to have alot nicer than that.

>

> Needless to say I do not trust him much. Not that he would be

> cheating on me but the financial lying is just to much. I gave him

30-

> 60 days to stop and straighten up or else I am leaving. My family

and

> friends all say I need to go now. But I just emptied my bank

account

> to keep us in our current apartment and I have furniture left to

pay

> for. So the soonest I could arrange other living arrangments would

be

> 30-60 days away. I feel like staying will make it all harder and

then

> I think about leaving and him being with someone else and that

makes

> me cry.

>

> I dont know what to do. I wanted so much more from a partner or

> spouse. More than I think he would ever be able to give me. Doesnt

> change the fact that I have feelings involved and a baby on the

way.

> We have talked and promised each other that no matter the outcome

we

> will always be friends for the baby's sake.

>

> Any help would be appreciated.

>

> Thanks, Shalonda

> RNY 9/11/03

> 300+/17?/??? dont want to know what the scale says now!!!

> EDD 1/8-9/05 with baby boy Malachi.