Got a bad case of the blues

[Guest guest]

I know that I have spoken on here a dozen times about how we can go

through emotional changes much like one does when loosing a loved

one. However, our emotions will cycle in and out of those feelings

without getting any closure. I am so depressed right now and dont

really know how to deal with it.

I know that it has only been a little over 3 months since I had the

total and auto ict but I am still so weak and so tired. I continue

to have pain with nausea and vomiting after meals. I threw up twice

over the weekend and havn't done that in a very long time.

I thought the fatigue was from not doing enough. That I needed to

get out more, you know, the more you do the more you do. Well all

that did was aggrivate the pain. I even asked my pcp to write for

some dilaudid because I was taking way too much vicodan and worried

about the tylenol in it.

I haven't spoken to the surgeon in a few weeks and I dont want to.

He said that things will get better the last time I talked with

him. Besides there is nothing he can do anyway and I really want to

put all that behind me.

I cried the whole way home yesterday and the kids just dont

understand, I have been on the brink of tears all day. After dinner

tonight, we were to watch a movie, but I thought I was going to

throw up and had to lie down. I am not eating anything odd, it was

chicken noodle soup.

I am just so sad and depressed. I know that I should count my

blessings and I do. Really. I feel a 1000 times better then I used

to. If I didn't I would be banging on the ER door and paging the

docs right and left. I am just so sick and tired of feeling sick

and tired. Maybe I am expecting too much of myself too soon. that

I need to give myself more time to heal. It has been a very rough

road. I just cant seem to stop tearing up. It is such a comfort to

know that I can tell ya'll all this and you wont think I need to be

put in a looney bin, well at least not all of you. Thanks for

letting me get this off my chest. I just wish I wasn't so sad.

Hope its not a sign of things to come. I am really never depressed.

Thanks ya'll and I hope everybody is doing well.

Warmly,

[Guest guest]

-

I am still very new to the group and don't know you yet I know, so excuse me if

I am ignorant about what exactly is going on with you. I just wanted to let

you know I will be sending good thoughts your way. I am new to panc. disorders,

but I can just imagine how exasperated you must feel. I know that already I am

sick of hearing people tell me " it'll get better, hang in there " so I don't want

to patronize you with that. (I always want to scream at them-you said that 6

months ago and look...I got sicker!!!) I know that they, like me, are just

searching for something comforting to say in a difficult situation. So all I

can say is take it easy, take care of yourself and most of all be gentle with

yourself. I think we tend to be so harsh on ourselves when we most need a

gentle touch. I will be sending loving thoughts your way as I'm sure many in

the group will as well. I know I don't have much to offer, but I hope it helps.

with metta,

Kara (CA)

The whole world we travel with our thoughts,

Finding nowhere anyone as precious as one's own self.

Since each and every person is so precious to themselves

Let the self-respecting harm no other being.

-from the Samyutta Nikaya

[Guest guest]

Chrissy,

I'm so sorry to hear that you are sad. You have been through so

much in the last couple of years. It is natural to feel sad when

you are still feeling ill after everything you have done. But you

have to give it some time. You body has been through so much and it

is probably going to take a while before you are feeling 100%. It

sucks and I wish I had the magic words to make you feel better.

Just know that you are loved and cared for and that this will pass.

You are in my thoughts. Jen

[Guest guest]

,

I am so sorry that you are depressed. That is a horrible feeling. You need

to call your docs and let them know and maybe they can get something to help

you through this rough patch. I don't know what else to say but that I am

praying for you and hang in there. Is there someone in your family that can help

you

with the kids and maybe give you a day to do something for yourself?

Sometimes that helps.

Take care,

Angie in SC

" The happiest of people don't necessarily have the

best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along

their way. "

[Guest guest]

-

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry! Words aren't good hugs, but I am hugging

you (((((hug))))) I wish I knew the magic words....I would give

them to you. I struggle at times too, and it helps to vent...so

vent away... you can even e-mail me and vent some more, I will

listen! :-) I know you long to feel 100% and I am sure it is a

slow, long, twisted road, but you will get there! I can bet on it,

cuz you are such a wonderful, uplifting person. I am praying for

you!!

Hugs,

Suzi B.

Colorado

PS...if anyone thinks you belong in the looney bin, you can just

join me... :-)