Going down, down, down

[Guest guest]

Hello all. Maybe you can relate!!

I have been rather ill lately and, unfortunately, it seems that I won¹t get

over this one anytime too soon. I am tired, hurting like hell (even with a

50 Fentanyl patch), having very uncomfortable attacks (8-12 each day) of hot

sweats, I am on the verge of total mental collapse, and, to top it all off,

I am going down, down, down into the deep black, black, black, hole of

depression . . . I just about cry many times throughout the day because it

all seems so useless, so very overwhelming. I was ³told² today that the

³family² is getting together at my mother¹s on Friday so that we can meet up

with a great friend that I grew up with and am still in contact with. She is

coming for the weekend from out of town. I am not up to the sibling rivalry

and the pain of their abuse . . . So I am not going!! I did call her up and

we are getting together at our house on Saturday. I am so fragile now that I

am getting on the verge of paranoid about the people around me who are not

my partner and our son. This is getting crazy!

Well, thank you for letting me vent. I guess there are no answers right now.

Please don¹t write me spiritual God and Christ stuff‹I do not believe in

that! I just am thankful to have nice people to share with and to vent with

.. . .

Anyse

[Guest guest]

Anyse,

I am so sorry to hear you are down right now. I do hope brighter days are

ahead! Do you take anything for the low periods?

Angie in SC

" The happiest of people don't necessarily have the

best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes along

their way. "

[Guest guest]

I'm really sorry to hear about the family troubles. Just remember

life is short (seems shorter everyday!)

It seems so hard for some people to accept that we really are sick

(even the ones who love us most. I think if some people cant see you

with a gaping wound and blood gushing, that maybe you just are not as

sick as you think you are, and you should just buck up, get a grip

and get on with your life!

At times you wish they could feel what you are going through for just

a day! But then you really wouldnt wish this illness on anyone.

I myself struggle with feeling tremendous guilt for not being the

person I once was. I hear my husbands car pull up outside and I run

in the kitchen to act like I've been busy, when in all actuality I've

been curled up on the couch trying to overcome the pain and

depression. I hope you know that your not alone! I believe there are

alot of us out here that feel some of the same things you experience.

But of course none of our stories are exactly the same.

I will be thinking good thoughts for you!

Rhonda

> Hello all. Maybe you can relate!!

>

> I have been rather ill lately and, unfortunately, it seems that I

won¹t get

> over this one anytime too soon. I am tired, hurting like hell (even

with a

> 50 Fentanyl patch), having very uncomfortable attacks (8-12 each

day) of hot

> sweats, I am on the verge of total mental collapse, and, to top it

all off,

> I am going down, down, down into the deep black, black, black, hole

of

> depression . . . I just about cry many times throughout the day

because it

> all seems so useless, so very overwhelming. I was ³told² today that

the

> ³family² is getting together at my mother¹s on Friday so that we

can meet up

> with a great friend that I grew up with and am still in contact

with. She is

> coming for the weekend from out of town. I am not up to the sibling

rivalry

> and the pain of their abuse . . . So I am not going!! I did call

her up and

> we are getting together at our house on Saturday. I am so fragile

now that I

> am getting on the verge of paranoid about the people around me who

are not

> my partner and our son. This is getting crazy!

>

> Well, thank you for letting me vent. I guess there are no answers

right now.

> Please don¹t write me spiritual God and Christ stuff‹I do not

believe in

> that! I just am thankful to have nice people to share with and to

vent with

> . . .

>

> Anyse

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Anyse,

When you're feeling as bad as you do, and feel that your best comfort

level is just to be with your partner and your son, that's what you

need to do. We all know how hard it is to put on a " happy face " and

try to deal with family situations when we feel like poo.....it just

doesn't work!

Hopefully, your family will eventually figure this out and not try to

schedule command performances when you're having a tough

day/week/month. If they don't, well, then don't let that get you

down, too! One thing that " people " don't seem to understand is that

there are times when we need to be left alone, and that we can heal

better without the stress of sibling rivalry and disruption.

I'm glad that you do feel well enough to get together privately with

your friend while she's in town. That will probably do you a world of

good, and is so much nicer than having to turn the occasion into some

big social event with all the stresses and pressures that these type

of events can create.

I'm worried that your meds don't seem to be doing what they need to

for you. Have you talked to your doctor about this? If the 50 mg.

patch isn't working to control your pain, it may be that you need an

increase, or perhaps a different med all together. Are you wearing it

for 72 hrs. or 48? I've always had to use mine on a 48 hr. rotation,

since they never seemed to work on that third day. If it's not

helping you as it should be, you really need to talk to your doctor

about it and see what he can do to get you out of this pain cycle.

While you're at it, you might want to talk to him about your

depression, too. It sounds as though you're at the end of your rope,

and that, too, needs to be fixed, if you know what I mean....lol!

Try not to let the family stuff get you stressed out. Right now, you

need to think of yourself, and do what's best for you and your own

personal health. Often seclusion and tranquility can be great

healers. I hope you have a smooth weekend, and that you can find some

relief from the pain, and some peace at heart.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

South Carolina Rep.

Southeastern Reg. Rep., PAI

Note: All comments or advice are based on personal experience or

opinion, and should not be substituted for professional medical

consultation.