StimpyZU, et al. Everyone: A contact database?

[Guest guest]

Bridgette,

Your subject line was, indeed provocative. However, it was definitely

not something that would cause me in any way to write what I did. I

appreciate your, and other's, sympathy here--which is why I felt

comfortable enough to say what I said.

I read about others who are just getting into this disease and I see

their hope and their dreams. Some will make it. Others will not. In

my case, I have had this disease for about 11 years and I have not

become better since that time. I have slowly withered away over time

and have progressively become worse. I also have had a great deal of

positivity in my life and have carried myself rather well. I tried

many therapies, diets, psychoanalysis, and health programs for all of

these years as well. However, for me, there is no other direction. It

is no longer a case of positive assertion for me. I am simply left.

That's it. Consumatum est - " It is finished. "

So, in light of that, there is no hope, no security (physically or

psychically), and nothing that will make me " better. " It is a simple

fact of life that I have usually dealt with rather well. Since, there

has been much change. I would say that only 2 people other than my

" wife " (we are lesbians) and son have even bothered to visit me in

the past year. Even those with whom I have kept in touch by phone

have tapered off to almost nothing. Electronically, there has been a

maintenance of some sort of social life as I have strived to reach

out to others with the same interests and educational curiosities. I

was trying, myself, to keep in touch with a member of this group and,

unfortunately, I became worse and was never called or emailed by that

person at all. Everything seems more and more tenuous at best. So,

the end result is isolation. This causes an even greater reliance on

those I love the most and it is a terrible burden for anyone to have

to bear. They have a life. Fortunately, I am a part of it. They are

busy as well. My wife has to do all the care and maintenance of the

household as well as carry her full-time job and is also trying to

find another source of income as I have no way to contribute and

things just get more and more expensive. Of course, our son is 17. He

has a life to create for himself and it is difficult to ask for more

than a few favors in the week as he really needs to grow up and

become self-supporting as well as to get through high school and all

that social razzmatazz.

Maybe we need to create a phone network and to " talk " with each

other. Not in terms of our illness. nstead, it would be in terms of

our interests and backgrounds. Maybe we need to add to the database

our interests and such and try to match them up. To only have an

illness to talk about becomes self devaluating to us. We are all so

much more and, it seems, we could work together on creating our own

" social circle " of sorts. I am a database programmer and could

actually set up a database just for us on the net where we can search

on criteria to determine who will or will not match up to our needs.

I am sure that there are those interested in philosophy, music,

playing music, politics (without name-calling), art, etc.

Well, keep in touch.

Anyse