Abandonment by doctor . . .

[Guest guest]

Laurie,

I, too, was " abandoned " by my doctor. She always hated to deal with

my " condition " post-operatively after my Whipple. I was in pain all

the time and going to a specialist about 130 miles away under my HMO.

Whenever I went out of town, the trip and the visit so wore me down

and exhausted me and contributed to outbreaks of the most terrible

pain. I would stay at my brother's house, which was close to my

appointment, and usually wound up in the middle of the night in the

emergency room of my HMO in his city. They always gave me some

narcotic that I would have to sleep off at his house before returning

home the next day. Well, this doctor that I had would not hear of it

that I was in pain and would not give me medications for it. So, one

time I went in for a short appointment and she was not in. Her

" substitute " prescribed me the worst pain med (Talwin). It made me

very ill and nauseated. In the light of the pain that I was

suffering, I gelt that the payoff for the pain relief was worth it.

After a refill after much longer than the term of the first bottle,

she " found out " that I had this prescription. (Hell, it is in the

chart!) Well, she immediately had me tagged in my file as a " drug

seeker. " After that, I rapidly deteriorated. I was growing worse day

by day. There was NO relief for the pain (even the Talwin was not

working!) and I was literally going crazy from the pain and the

scrutiny that I was under. They " knew " that I was " faking " the pain

and, after a while, had to even question myself on this issue. At

this terrible point of my illness (remember that I am bedridden

today), she said that I was " too complicated " and that she " couldn't

deal with me. " My spouse was totally upset. We were at our wit's

end . . .

NO patient should ever have to go through this type of (or lack of)

" treatment. " It seems that too many of us here have been treated so.

I am still baffled that the stories are the same with a different name

(s) inserted.

Even as I was writing this, I still get very upset.

Tearfully,

Anyse

[Guest guest]

Hi Anyse,

The fact that you keyed on to in your closing....that the stories are

the same, just different names.....makes me very demoralized

and resigned to accept going things alone rather than putting

myself through the indignity of being dependent on the whims

and disposition and personal philosophies of " care-givers " . I

was always taught that personal judgements play no part in

dispensing humane care but I am seeing that a twisting and

rationalization of this concept under the so-called guise of " back

to basic values " politics. I read recently about some lawmakers

in Michigan trying to pass legislation to make it legal for

hospitals and doctors to deny care to people that have " morally

objectionable lifestyles " . This is big-time scary to me. And

while our dealings obtaining needed pain medication do not

have the same implications of this legislature....the basic

societal warped-thinking is the same, I believe. That is, the idea

that doctor's have the right to make moral judgements and to

somehow make you conform for your own good. In the case you

described, with your doctor withholding medication, seems like

she was basing this on her own personal belief system....not on

sound medical judgement. While at times it is hard to

disconnect the two, that is what being a professional is all

about...to keep the emotions and illogic at bay and use sound,

fair and welll considered knowledge to make decisions.

Denying you / us pain meds based on her personal distaste for

narcotics is no different than refusing to care for a drunken victim

of a car accident because you hate drunk drivers. While you can

have that belief, and can support MADD, you cannot refuse to

treat a drunk who needs medical attention. That is medically

unethical.......at the very least, you make sure he is passed on to

another doctor who hasn't lost his / her objectivity. As you can

tell, I have very strong opinions about doctors who withold pain

medications out of so-called " moral reasons " ......

As far as abandonment in a general sense.....I have found that

out of all the turmoil that I have gone through since my first

encounter with the medical field as a patient that this is the issue

that has left the deepest and most lasting scars in me. If there

was anything that I could do to get this woman out of practicing

(in a non-emotional and sound way) I would do it. But I have

learned that the fight was more damaging to me than it would

ever be to her. You just cannot fight the system when the system

is so tightly protected. All that I can do is believe that in the end,

justice of a higher nature will prevail and I will not have to

demean myself or do something that I may regret to get it to

happen. It still amazes me how cavalier and superficial these

arrogant doctors can be......those that are suppose to have a

certain inner calling to help the sick and injured. But like most

anyone.....there is a personal agenda to this profession, just like

any other, I guess. It is all just a game to them, it really is. Those

that maintain their humanity play the game a little more fairly,

perhaps, and see the moves as being just as important as the

end result, I think. And the their definition of " win " or " lose " still

revolves around the patient and not around themselves or the

HMO or Group or Hospital.

I am sorry that your experiences still make you upset......But I

understand how deeply and emotionally this abandonment

affects us. All I could think of after my incident was " Why did she

hate me so much that she wanted to kill me? " and " What did I

do wrong " " How did I elicit such anger and hate from her when I

had neve met her before " - I replayed every conversation that I

had with her trying to find the something that I said that was

hurtful. I had even convinced myself that I had said really bad

stuff about her while I was under anesthesia. Then I realized

that she didn't hate ME so much as just didn't care about me one

way or the other....and I think in a way that this was worse. To not

even care..................that it meant nothing to her whether I lived or

died, it was all the same to her.

Laurie