Brock and another visit to the ER at a 3rd different hospital!

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for the words of encouragement and advice. I feel

comforted knowing that I am doing and thinking the right thing. I am

definitely going to be more communicative with his doctors and I am

going to contact all of the ER's that he goes to, to give them a

heads up.

Brock had a Frey Procedure in January by Dr. LeGrand Belnap at St.

Marks Hospital in SLC. In my opinion he has done much better with

his pancrease since the procedure was done. His attacks are no way

as extreme as they were before the surgery. I know this because he

has not doubled over and cried because the pain is so great since

the surgery.

Last night, I ignored him all night. Worked in my flower garden

until 11:30 pm, so he wouldn't pull the old my stomach hurst because

of the punch I got at dinner. It worked until about 8:00 am this

morning. He went to a third different hospital. I never take him,

he takes himself and then calls me for a ride home. So now he is

going two 3 different hospitals. I was so ticked off when I picked

him up because one this hospital is about 25 miles away from my

house. I had to stop and get gas after I picked him up and he went

in to the gas station and bought a corn dog. YES A CORN DOG! One

of the very worst things he could possible eat. On the way home I

approached him in a different way than I have in the past. I said

Brock, I don't want the hospitals to think that you are drug

seeking. When you go to 3 different ER's it maks you look bad.

Someday you are going to go into one of these hospitals and they are

going to refuse you help. What are you going to do when you really

need it. His excuse for not going to the hospital he should go to

was because a certain docotor was on duty and he didn't like him.

His excuse for not going to the hospital that is closest was because

it was to busy and he didn't want to wait, so he went to the

furthest hospital way.

Right now he is on the couch asleep and I'm sure he will be that way

until tonight. He won't go to the hospital tonight but I bet that

he trys to go tomorrow night. So this week he has gone to the ER 4

times. I am so frustrated with they system. The doctors and

hospitals do not communicate at all.

Some you have asked about Brock and my relationship status. Brock

is 28 and I am 35. I live in Provo, Utah and he lives in Orem, Utah

with his mother. His family refuses to help Brock in any way shape

or form. Their family relationships are very strained. His mother

is Border Line Personality Disorder, Narcissistic, and very very

verbally abusive. She would help a complete stranger, before she

did anything for her children. Brocks father passed away when he

was 8, in an accident.

We are supposed to get married on August 12, but I am very concerned

about moving forward. It will be my first marriage and his second.

He was married to his 1st wife long before he had pancreatitis. He

was diagnosed with it during our 6 years together. He does not work

at all. Just lays on the coch and watches television. Doesn't brush

his teeth, shower etc. He is on SSI disability.

I have asked Brock on several occasions to look at this board and

read some of stories and postings. In fact I asked him to do so

last night and he said " Why do I need to listen to other people, so

they can tell me what to do. " I explained to him that you guys are

all in the same boat that he is in, and that I had learned a great

deal about pancreatitis and that it was great to know that we are

not alone in dealing with this disease. He has an excuse for

everything he does or doesn't do. He thinks that he is the

exception to all rules. HE IS VERY HARD HEADED.

I have printed off many email's that I have received from everyone

and had him read them. Of course his response is always, " That is

not me, I don't have that problem. My body is different. " Then

goes on to explain why he is different. ALWAYS AN EXCUSE.

Thanks for letting me know I am doing and thinking the right thing.

I just don't want him to end up dead from all the pain medication.

We have spent 6 years together and he has hand pancreatitis for

about 4 1/2 years of that. I do love him, as I have said before

this is not the Brock that I knew before.

Thanks Again,

Sam

[Guest guest]

Sam,

I've been reading all your posts about your problems with Brock, and

this last one has forced me to come out of my shell and make some

observations. What I see Brock doing now is clearly drug seeking

behavior. He's at his third ER in a week, not going to one because

there's a doctor there who he doesn't like, (this doctor probably has

already lectured him or given him a warning about drug abusing,

or perhaps even denied him meds), and not going to the other

because it was too busy...... Hogwash! It wasn't too busy for him

to go to all the other times, was it? He may already have gotten

a lecture or refusal at that hospital, too. I personally think that

Brock has reached a very dangerous point and needs intervention

as soon as possible.

His excuses don't work with me. As a non-partial outsider, I can see

it more clearly than someone who is closer to him and has been with

him. I admire you so much for hanging in there and being there for

Brock, and for trying to help him deal with these life altering

changes. You are such a very good and caring individual that I hate

to see you hurt by Brock's actions, but he's leading you down

a dangerous path and you need to get him off of this route as

quickly as you can, before your relationship is destroyed by his drug

seeking behavior.

He needs to be under the direct supervision of a gastroenterologist,

and preferably, a pain management consultant/physician. The latter

is preferable because these professionals deal with people like Brock

on a daily basis, where the gastroenterologist is really trained

to just deal with his physical problems, and doesn't have the time or

expertise to deal with a person with addiction problems. Could the

gastroenterologist that treats Brock now recommend a pain managment

physician for him? Is it possible for you to call this GI, explain

Brock's problems and behavior, (nightly visits to the ER for pain

meds), and get him to refer Brock immediately to a PM doctor?

Something like this needs to be done right away, or Brock's going

to use up all his avenues for relief by being put on the black list

at all the local ER's. Once that happens, he'll never be able to get

any ER help unless he's accompanied by a doctor each time.

You really need to get his doctor involved in this, first, to help

him get the correct pain meds for relief at home, and secondly,

to oversee his ER visits to assure that they are for a legitimate

purpose. If he's on the right type and dosage of pain meds with

monthly or bi-monthly appointments with a PM doctor, he shouldn't

have need to go to the ER except in the rarest of circumstances.

If his GI can't get that involved in this aspect of Brock's

treatment, it's okay, many can't and won't. That's why the pain

management doctor plays such an important role. Once they can

get Brock on the right medication, he would be able to cut down

on those weekly ER visits. It's imperative that someone get

something like this established immediately, before it's too late

for Brock.

I know you've worked very hard to help him, and I truly hope that he

appreciates your attention, because a lot of other people would have

walked away bynow. This is just one more thing that you need to

work through with him, and it may be difficult, but if you don't get

him under control and supervision as soon as you can, any hope of a

good marriage together is lost. He isn't such a rare individual that

his problems are unique, we are all in much the same boat when it

comes to this disease, and we all have to deal with similar problems.

Please get him the right help before he runs out of unsatisfactory

excuses. We'll help you through it any way that we can.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

www.pancassociation.org/anthology#Heidi.html

Bluffton, SC

SC State & SE Regional Representative

Pancreatitis Association, International

www.health.groups.yahoo.com/group/pancreatitis/

Note:  All comments or advice are personal opinion only, and

should not be substituted for professional medical consultation.