Personal Perspective of Paincreatitis and the Meaning of Life

[Guest guest]

Peg,

You often write about your faith and your thoughts on paincreatitis. This leaves

me to ponder my own personal perspective of the challenges of paincreatitis and

the meaning of life, particularly in a seemingly hopeless situation.

Therefore I wanted to share my own efforts to maintain hope in a seemingly

hopeless situation. That is that I know in my heart of hearts that though, who I

choose to call God [Higher Power, Dios, Yahweh, Goddess, Almighty, etc.], may

not prevent bad things from happening, God will allow me to see the good in

everything, even in the bad. As a nurse, I have also experienced a poor outcome

from my own tour of duty, however, I never made two of the same twice. You may

ask at what cost do good things have to come to be? Why does Kim have to be the

one he learned a hard lesson on? I don't attempt to change anyone's destiny,

even my own, but I do believe we are exactly where we are supposed to be for the

exact moment, for whatever reason. I wouldn't be the person I am today, had I

not experienced everything I have in my life, good and bad. If I had not become

sick, I would have never met each and every one of you who have crossed my path

through the PAI. Would I have been happier and healthier had I not developed

paincreatitis? I don't know. Maybe? Maybe not? The question may be more about

defining health and happiness.

Our personal journey's take us down roads chosen by self will, but ultimately we

become that person that God intended for us to be. I don't even think self will

plays that big a role in our destiny, either. This can be seen in Alcohol

related pancreatitis. Though the majority of persons with pancreatitis may be

due to alcohol, the scientists do not understand why such a large percentage of

persons who drink alcohol excessively, never develop pancreatitis.

My own journey through the pain and suffering of paincreatitis has forced me to

deal with the question of " What is the Point? " or actually, " What is the purpose

of life? " All of my life's experiences have culminated in my readiness to

dissect the profound forces of human existence, the forces of fear,

helplessness, meaning, and hope. My life prior to paincreatitis was lived on the

fast track. I was busy from sun up to sun down. I had a busy career out of the

home, devoted myself to my three children, their school and extra-curricular

activities, volunteered in my community, active member of my church and Sunday

school, donated time, energy, money to those less fortunate, was a political

rights and social reform activist, etc., etc., etc. Within all of that, and

though I also spent significant time in 'personal growth' activities, I am not

sure I was ever able to find that quiet voice within and allow myself to be

fully saturated with what life [God} dealt me. In hard times and bad, I mustered

all I had to keep my eye on the light and find my way out of any dark hole. I

never stayed there long enough to really learn the lesson before me. And that is

a shame. I once wrote:

If I was without money, I refused to be poor;

If I was without living quarters, I refused to be homeless;

If I weighed too much, I refused to be fat;

If I did not feel good, I refused to be sick;

If I had no where to go, I refused to be destitute;

If I had no companion, I refused to be alone or lonely;

If I had no food, I refused to be hungry;

If I had no bed, I refused to be tired;

And it went on.

I simply refused to allow myself to be fully whole.

Without knowing poverty, there is no wealth;

Without knowing darkness, there is no light;

Without knowing sickness, there is no healing;

Without knowing hunger, there is no fullness;

Without knowing fatigue, there is no energy;

Without knowing the bad, there is no good;

Without knowing an end, there is no beginning;

Without knowing sadness, there is no joy;?

Without knowing fear, there is no hope;

Without knowing anger, there is no love.

The process that I learned when facing any fraction of life is to name, claim,

embrace, and release each and every particle, good and bad. There is an old

saying that says you can't keep it without letting it go. The loaf of bread kept

feeding the hungry.

This has been an important process, as it has enabled me to continue working

with the PAI. Many people ask how I can continue to listen to people's stories

of pain and suffering, particularly when they are stained with anger, blame,

accusations, and pity. I found that an interesting perspective on this person's

part. Is the glass half full or half empty? Some days I may see negativity and

other days all I can see is the joy and hope of people's victories. But, if I am

to continue in my own personal growth, I stay because it is about giving back.

The more hope I can share the more hope I have. And, as all things must cycle, I

need each of you as much as you need me.

Thanks for letting me share a bit of my musings.

Karyn E. , RN

Executive Director, PAI

Pancreatitis Association International

[Guest guest]

Karyn-

I loved what you wrote! You have an amazing way with words. I want to

thank you for the support you give, it is a blessing to know that I am

not alone.

Thank you for sharing your heart.

Hugs,

Suzi B.

Colorado