to Teal, re: advice for a caregiver

[Guest guest]

Hi, Teal, I live in Carmel, a northern suburb of Indy. Sounds like

you're either in Westfield or Kokomo area. I will get to a comment

in a minute about the effect of your illness on your 13-yr-old

daughter, but I want to say first that I have a few reservations

about recommending a doctor for you. Right now, I am barely

satisfied with mine. But, it sounds like you need a gastroenter-

ologist, to me. They do very good work here at Indiana Uni-

versity Hospital , and I recommend that you call their main

number and request a pancreatic specialist. It may take quite

a while to get an appointment, but if your own doctor does a

referral, it could be sooner. Don't have I Hosp's toll-free number

here, but if you dial 1- and ask for their 800 number,

that should do it.

Now, first let me say that you must've done something really right

with your daughter, because at thirteen, she sounds unusually

mature and unselfish, and sounds like she has a loving spirit. Bless

her for that. Having said that, and I'm trying to find just the right

words, not to be misunderstood, I want to say that caring for an

adult parent on a long term basis is very difficult for an adult, and

has to be even more so for a child. The symptoms you describe her

having could be attributable to the stress of worrying about you. I

would urge you to take her to her pediatrician to verify this, and

that is where I would suggest that you turn for advice on how you

can help her adjust to your illness. Perhaps the pediatrician can

recommend a support group, or can at least counsel you in a

professional manner. Sometimes your church or the YWCA have

programs for kids at risk for undue stress. I would urge you also

to go and visit her school counselor, and make sure she is getting

all the support she needs there, as well. Perhaps your Public

Librarian can suggest some reading material aimed at teens who are

stressed, and possibly specifically about caring for a chronically

ill parent.

Thank God, my kids were grown and well established on their own

by the time I got to the point where I need help being cared for. But

my husband crumpled under the strain after many so many years,

and he stays away from home as much as possible now. He has had

two heart surgeries himself, and the strain of dealing with my illnesses

finally got to be too much. (I also have MG - Myasthenia Gravis) I wish

I could toss that off as " That's Life " , but the truth is, we'll been

married

25 years in a few weeks, and it breaks my heart. We are together less

than an hour a day now, and he travels all over the world six or seven

times a year. So the fact that you enjoy the full support of your

extended

Few more little words of advice: remember, even the best-meaning friends

get tired after a while of hearing about your health problems. Even BEST

friends. Believe me on this one. Either they are people who just don't

know

what to say to sick people, or they have so much on their own plate, they

get desensitized after so long a time. I have learned to answer " Oh,

about

the same " when anyone asks, and then immediately ask how THEY are, &

change the subject. Do your " venting " here, on this site, where we all

have permission to feel royally sorry for ourselves and angry at the

situation

we find ourselves in. If you find yourself getting deeper and deeper into

depression, GET HELP from your doctor immediately for that. He can

guide you in getting counseling and medication and support groups.

Think about adopting a sweet little dog who can curl up with you instead

of your daughter. Lots of wonderful companions at shelters out there, who

are looking for someone like you with a lot of time to snuggle. :-)

Must go for now, but I hope and pray you will take advantage of all

the support systems you can muster. You will need them, and for that,

there is nothing for you to feel ashamed of.

Write me and this group as often as you like. Blessings from in

Indy

[Guest guest]

julieshouse@... wrote:Hi, Teal, I live in Carmel, a northern suburb of

Indy. Sounds like

you're either in Westfield or Kokomo area. I will get to a comment

in a minute about the effect of your illness on your 13-yr-old

daughter, but I want to say first that I have a few reservations

about recommending a doctor for you. Right now, I am barely

satisfied with mine. But, it sounds like you need a gastroenter-

ologist, to me. They do very good work here at Indiana Uni-

versity Hospital , and I recommend that you call their main

number and request a pancreatic specialist. It may take quite

a while to get an appointment, but if your own doctor does a

referral, it could be sooner. Don't have I Hosp's toll-free number

here, but if you dial 1- and ask for their 800 number,

that should do it.

Now, first let me say that you must've done something really right

with your daughter, because at thirteen, she sounds unusually

mature and unselfish, and sounds like she has a loving spirit. Bless

her for that. Having said that, and I'm trying to find just the right

words, not to be misunderstood, I want to say that caring for an

adult parent on a long term basis is very difficult for an adult, and

has to be even more so for a child. The symptoms you describe her

having could be attributable to the stress of worrying about you. I

would urge you to take her to her pediatrician to verify this, and

that is where I would suggest that you turn for advice on how you

can help her adjust to your illness. Perhaps the pediatrician can

recommend a support group, or can at least counsel you in a

professional manner. Sometimes your church or the YWCA have

programs for kids at risk for undue stress. I would urge you also

to go and visit her school counselor, and make sure she is getting

all the support she needs there, as well. Perhaps your Public

Librarian can suggest some reading material aimed at teens who are

stressed, and possibly specifically about caring for a chronically

ill parent.

Thank God, my kids were grown and well established on their own

by the time I got to the point where I need help being cared for. But

my husband crumpled under the strain after many so many years,

and he stays away from home as much as possible now. He has had

two heart surgeries himself, and the strain of dealing with my illnesses

finally got to be too much. (I also have MG - Myasthenia Gravis) I wish

I could toss that off as " That's Life " , but the truth is, we'll been

married

25 years in a few weeks, and it breaks my heart. We are together less

than an hour a day now, and he travels all over the world six or seven

times a year. So the fact that you enjoy the full support of your

extended

Few more little words of advice: remember, even the best-meaning friends

get tired after a while of hearing about your health problems. Even BEST

friends. Believe me on this one. Either they are people who just don't

know

what to say to sick people, or they have so much on their own plate, they

get desensitized after so long a time. I have learned to answer " Oh,

about

the same " when anyone asks, and then immediately ask how THEY are, &

change the subject. Do your " venting " here, on this site, where we all

have permission to feel royally sorry for ourselves and angry at the

situation

we find ourselves in. If you find yourself getting deeper and deeper into

depression, GET HELP from your doctor immediately for that. He can

guide you in getting counseling and medication and support groups.

Think about adopting a sweet little dog who can curl up with you instead

of your daughter. Lots of wonderful companions at shelters out there, who

are looking for someone like you with a lot of time to snuggle. :-)

Must go for now, but I hope and pray you will take advantage of all

the support systems you can muster. You will need them, and for that,

there is nothing for you to feel ashamed of.

Write me and this group as often as you like. Blessings from in

Indy