Congratulations and Oxy question for

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Thank goodness that your surgeon took your complaint seriously

and that he is able to re-assure you that this is all a process of

normal healing. I know it may seem like a long time since your

surgery but in terms of rebuilding muscles and tissue it is not all

that long. Like we have heard over and over again..........the gut

hates to be handled and lets us know that it is unhappy at the

insult.

I have a question about your vehement condemnation of

oxycodone. I am ambivalent about having to use them and I

oftentimes beat myself up for taking them. I have used them 24 /

7 for over five years now and see the future in two different ways:

1) - that I am grateful that I will have them available to me; and 2),

that I am upset that I have to take them to get on with life.

I know that how meds affect us is very specific to the individual

but I am curious to exactly why you think oxy is worse than

dilaudid. You mentioned withdrawal - do you think it causes

worse physical dependence and a harder time tapering? How

do you determine if it is time to taper off vs really needing them

for pain control? Is it worth periodically going off them to assess

the true nature of the pain? That is, to see if pain that is being

treated by the oxy may actually be caused by the oxy? There are

many times that I take the pills when I wonder if I am just

reacting to withdrawal pain and the sick feeling instead of the

" true " pancreas pain. Does the fact that I have such varied

usage signify that I am responding to " real " pain? or is it that I

am less mentally able to tolerate " withdrawal " pain? I keep very

good track of my usage and I do see a variation that seems to

indicate that I respond to pain stimuli, not a time clock or by

" habit " . Some days I only need three 5mg oxy pills and other

days I need 6, with an average over the last 6 months of 28 pills

a week (4 a day). This is a good improvement since late winter

when I was averaging 40 pills a week with spikes of 50.

I am very very aware of my cycles now I think....I have greater

fluctuations in pain with the bad being bad but the good being

better than I have had since this all started. When I am bad, I

have no doubt that it is " real " pain....but when I am in a " good "

stage, I wonder if my need for the meds is only due to being

physically dependent on them, not that the pain is actual

pancreatic. I wonder if it is even worth it to find out as I know that

the bad cycles will never go away, so what is the use to go

through withdrawals when a week or so later, the bad time hits

and there is no doubt I need the drug...so is feeding the physical

dependence during the good times just a natural thing to do? or

is this a weakness?

How does a person reconcile these conflicts? and should there

even be a conflict? I can't help but see myself as being weak

and escapist by not toughing it out to see if my oxy is actually

causing more pain than the disease itself.

I am sure that you have probably addressed this at some time in

the past...but I have read several times these past few days

about your dislike for oxy and it brought all these thoughts into

my mind again.

Laurie