Depression

[Guest guest]

Kris,

You wrote, " About learning that GOD doesn't give us more than we can handle.

I don't know, I sure am having lots of trouble dealing with this stuff

(after 7 years of pain, nausea, rude docs, loosing friends, etc.) I feel kind

of

hopeless right now. "

I am sorry you are having such a rough time right now. I remember when I was

first diagnosed. I met with Dr. , pancreatic surgeon, and the first

thing he said to me was that we needed to take care of my pain and my

depression. I said, " I am not depressed. " He said, " Well, unfortunately, you

will be. "

I thought that was kind of odd, as he just met me. He then explained that

depression is not always situational, that for some reason in addition to

pancreatitis being a bum deal, there are certain biochemical pathways that are

interrupted in this disease process and depression is common. In addition, of

course, it wasn't until later that I realized that I was not going to die. I

know, that is what I said. For the longest time, I thought that pancreatic burn

out meant that when that occurred, and my pancreas was gone, then I would

die. Since I was in so much pain, nauseated, etc., death was certainly

something

I was ready for. At that time, I was engulfed by my church, friends, family,

etc.

As the years went by, and I did not die, all the love and support was

replaced with intense loneliness, hopelessness, and more depression. People just

do

not know how to deal with this disease. Regardless of what I explain to

people when I see them, that, " Yes, I am still sick, I still require lots of

pain

medication, cannot do much, certainly cannot plan anything, etc. " when I see

them again, they act surprised.

They say, " Gosh, since I have not seen you around, I thought you were doing

great and just too busy to get together with me. "

" No, " I say, " I have been pretty much homebound, most the time I am bed

bound. " " Hmmm. " they say, as they fidget uncomfortable and walk away.

It is unimaginable. Somedays I cannot believe that this is my reality. Yet,

the hours run into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, months into

years, etc. You know what my biggest coping mechanism is? Impaired memory

recall.

Long term narcotic use, lack of interaction with " life, " lack of routine,

etc., result in not being able to remember much. And, for some reason, and I

thank God for this, but I tend to remember the good things. So, when I suggest

wanting to do something or try a 'new' medication,

Tull will say, " You are kidding, right? You had a horrible experience with

that. "

I will say, " Really? "

There is one thing that I know and that I remember - Depression is toxic. I

believe that our bodies follow what our minds believe. Therefore, I practice

meditations, mantras, affirmations, etc., that reinforce those things that

bring me joy, happiness, peace, etc. I also needed to redefine my relationship

to the world around me. Lastly, I needed to understand in my heart how I was

to be that person God intended for me to be.

About learning that GOD doesn't give us more than we can handle. I don't

think God gave me any of this. What God does give me is the strength and

courage

to deal with the challenges of life.

Karyn E. , RN

Executive Director, PAI

Indianapolis, Indiana