Thank you all and I do apologise

[Guest guest]

We as human beings wear a certain degree of amour. We protect

ourselves and those around us as much as we can. By nature and by

need. We shelter our children, protect our mothers, and hide our

truths; even from ourselves. Denial is the oldest and truest form of

self protection and self preservation. In some small way there is

not a soul on earth who has not felt it at one time or another. When

that wall of self preservation has been broken down violently it

sends the spirit into a downward spiral. A suphoscating and

strangling need to desist.

There was a time, not long ago, some may recall, that I thought

suicide was the only way to be free. To be free of all that has

tormented me; body and soul. There are many times I had wished to

move on. The pettyness of finances has never been an issue of

whether I stayed or not. I have always looked upon it as the power

of God or whatever power one might believe. I have never doubted the

existence of God but have always felt it was the power of the free

soul; a true soul, an honest and sincere heart, so to speak. To me

suicide is cowardess; but thats just me.

Granted I do not know why I am still here after all that I have

endured. Nor do I know why I have been given what I have, good and

bad. I do know that appreciate the family that I have here and truly

in my heart and soul am sorry to have worried any of ya'll and so do

love you all the the support that you have shown. I have lost a lot,

but have gained you all. I am so very sorry to have dumped it upon

you all but felt so terribly lost.

Thank you

[Guest guest]

Dearest , Please do not feel you need to apologize. We all

suffer from a terrible disease with terrible side effects. I was in a

car-truck collision when I was 17 and in a coma for a week. All I

could do afterward was ask the question " why me? " . That accident

changed the way I looked at life and started me on a path of self

destruction with alcohol that lasted until I was 29. That path led to

alcohol induced pancreatitis to chronic pancreatitis to where I'm at

today. I have also contemplated the easy way out and then thought

about the people who loved me I would leave behind, and decided it

would hurt the ones who helped me get through the tough times. I take

an anti-depressant ever since and have been more able to deal with the

highs and lows associated with this terrible disease. Please use this

venue to vent and seek comfort as that is its purpose. Sending only

love and good thoughts your way, Jim