Laurie

[Guest guest]

I am feeling better mentally and emotionally. Physically I am doing

much much better. I decided yesterday to start my exercise regime

again. Lifting some light weights and isometrics with resistence. I

can feel it in my arms this morning as I am a little sore. I think

when the weather cools I might try cycling again.

The ET tubes in the OR are not cuffed, at lteast I dont think so. I

dont go in the OR. I think its kind of boring. Also there may be

issues with the pt lying prone. I remember when I had my emergency

surgery I was all worried about it beacuse I had to drink tons of

barium for the CT scan and it did'nt pass as I had been obstructed

with the incarcerated hernia. I had asked one of the resdients about

it and she said it was not a concern and that anesthesia would take

care of it. I knew the anesthesoligist since she was a first year

resident and is now an attending and she is very good. So I wasn't

too worried but it did make me wonder about all the people they

cancelled or postpponed until later in the day for that black

coffee. I have also prepped many emergency cases and it was never

really questioned.

Ther ewas even one lady that was cancelled for an abdominal surgery

because she had gotten a 'brazilian' the day before and it was an

infection risk. Never really understood that either. But when we

called patients the night before their surgery we had a whole lists

of what and when they could take anything by mouth depending on the

type of surgery. It was an anesthesia protocol and came down from

the big drug pusher gas passer upstairs.

Oh and btw, I was not thinking of suicide only wondering why was it

that I had not died, wishing perhaps I had. Why is it that just as

my body is healing my very soul is attacked. What is my purpose in

life. I do believe in death with dignity and that Kavorkian is 100%

correct. We euthanize our animals, put the poor creature out of its

misery. I have mixed meotions about that poor woman in FL; it was

handled wrongly in my humble opinion.

When my mother was becoming terribly ill they wanted me to sign a DNR

order. I said no. I wanted a do not intubate but all means possible

to keep her alive without intubation. They called me at 3 am and

asked if I wanted her intubated I said no. Pull a full code just no

intubation, she died shortly after and it was a well deserved peace,

for her. Artifical respirations would only have lenghtened her

suffering.

Well I am not trying to appear like an exestential psuedo-

intellectual but I guess that living and dying is a very personal

emotion and should be treated as such. I have always told my

children the only thing a person truly owns is their feelings and not

to let any body tell you what you are feeling is wrong. Well unless

you are a sociopath like Dahmer or something; he definetly

had some wrong feelings.

Take care sweety and I do appreciate every single thing you said and

all the rest of this family. I did not for second think of them as

retort, gratuities or platitudes. but then again those are just my

feelings.

Have a great weekend and get some rest, I hope you feel better.