Depressed

[Guest guest]

Just needed somewhere to vent (or have pity party). My life seems

to be falling apart quickly and no one seems to have any sympathy or

care in my life. After a long period of time without any severe

pain episodes (almost 2 years) I have had two bad episodes in the

past month, luckily I have been able to control them at home by pain

meds, no food and lots of sleep but they have majorly scared me that

things are getting worse. I had a MRCP about a month ago, could

that be why the attacks the contrast, but still don't have any

results and I keep hoping no news is good news. My father died 18

months ago (he was my best friend)and my oldest sister is behaving

like she rules the world and the rest of the family has to abide or

she gets nasty and my middle sister is never around. My husband is

bi-polar with ADD and his medication has been off for about 6 months

and everything makes him angry (verbal not physical). He became

allergic to one of his medications and we havent found a new balance.

Then on thursday I get called into my bosses office and told that my

job is being eliminated I have two weeks to find another job or be

laid off. I carry the heath insurance so now I have two weeks to

find another job or pay about 800 a month for my health insurance

while having attacks so I can't not have insurance.

The compassion I have gotten is 4 days of my husband yelling at me

for everything I do, he was at a baseball game (work related outing

with suppliers) when I called him to say I was laid off and his

response was I just ruined his day. I just feel like why bother

taking the enzymes or doing anything else, I know in my mind I won't

do anything stupid and will continue to take my medication but I

just feel like no one cares beyond what I do for them whether I am

here or not.

Sorry for laying this on the board but I just needed to get it off

my chest to someone that won't take how i feel personally getting

angry at how I make them feel by my words and will listen. That's

what I miss so much about my Dad being gone, he always listened and

gave me a big hug in the end telling me he loved me.

I just needed to be able to say I am hurt, scared and angry at what

has been dished out to me. Isn't one bad thing enough, why keep

piling on more and more. I married a man who has a mental illness

and have stuck by him for 22 years, I get a painful disease and keep

going. Can't I just have one piece of my life go right? I know

everyone else on this board has had the same bad luck and I am sure

most of you have felt the same way. How do you get to where you

feel good again beyond taking pills. I don't want to take anti-

depressents because I still have to deal with what life has dished

out and I don't want to mask it going through life as a zombie (I

have been on them before and hated the feeling). Just being able to

vent about this has helped a bit so Thank you!

Theresa