Re: Depressed -

[Guest guest]

Thank you for you kind words, you don't know how much they

meant to me to read.

I am not sure what the contrast was that they gave me, but since the

MRCP I was nauseous the first week and then had two attacks.

As far as my sister, the estate was " settled " over a year ago and

she got everything. The house (and contents) we grew up in was

signed over to her probably 6 years ago because our parents were

getting elderly and we (my middle sister and I< I am the baby)

didn't want her to lose her " home " if they got sick. So my middle

sister and I gave up our inheritence with the stipulation that as

long as our parents lived they would have right of tenancy to the

house. But now she lords it over my mother that it is " her house "

despite the fact my mom and dad paid for it. She has always been

jealous of my middle sister and I because we got married, had kids

and she didn't. She ignored my father for the first 45 years of her

life and then was so devestated when he died that she demanded all

the attention and pity. She behaved worse than my mother who lost

her husband of 55 years.

I am trying to transfer to another department (the two week issue)

but I can only work part-time, I have back, neck and shoulder

problems. (fused C5-C6, rotator cuff tear and repair that never

healed right) as well as the CP. My doctor restricts me to 25 hours

a week maximum so that I don't make the neck and shoulder issues

worse or overstress myself. Makes finding a job diffcult. yeah my

husband can pick up the health insurance at about what my cobra

would be. His boss is a cheapskate and the employees pay most of

the insurance cost. I worked for the university/hospital here so

the insurance is less expensive.

I have tried to keep him off the alcohol because I know it makes it

worse but the angrier he gets the more he drinks..bipolar is a

terrible cycle. This weekend he got out the whiskey instead of just

beer. I just kept to myself.

That's the problem I think, I feel so alone like i have no one to

turn to. That I could handle all the adversity if I had someone to

turn to for comfort. I hate doing it to my kids (son 20 and

daughter 21), though my son is wonderful at giving a hug when

needed, but he is 20 and I hate making him responsible for my

sanity. He has the turmoil of being 20. and my mother is almost 80

and she worries enough about my health without adding to it.

When things get really really bad I go drive to the cemetary and

visit my dad. But then I get thinking this is really morbid that my

place to go is a cemetary, but I do have to say I can cry my eyes

out and no one thinks I am strange. Like I said before I am just

having a real good pity party these days.

Thanks again for the warm thoughts.

Theresa