Another ratty day to Anyse

[Guest guest]

> Well, as you all know, my trip to Vegas with Sara was quite a

> success. Unfortunately, all has gone rather downhill since. I am

> vomiting into my " bucket, " I have a yeast infection as well as a

> bacterial one (who knows where that comes from??), I had antifilactic

> (sic) shock from the antibiotic, and I am sensing even more greatly

> than ever the loneliness that this disease brings. I got a kind emial

> from a person in another group who just asked how I was doing and I

> just bawled my eyes out. I have been very sensitive to the pain of

> others over the past few weeks (as well as my own), even to the point

> of helping another person prepare for suicide through " Final Exit. "

> Sara thinks that, for me, this is a bad thing for me to be doing as I

> have had severe suicidal ideation in the past (this was in 2002 and I

> am over that). Another dear friend is ready now to do the same and

> she has become important to me over the past few years. It is all

> just too much to bear at one time. I am so ill lately and there seems

> to be no way out.

>

> I read that Mark just gets to a 7 on the pain scale and he gets to

> have treatment in an hospital. I live at an 8 and it takes so little

> to throw me over to a 9 (and I go there and greater all too often)

> and I get no help at all. I just have to lie here and suffer my way

> through it. I am getting very tired. I have things that I want to do

> to fill in my " time " and it is always interrupted with pain or some

> other side effect or additional malady of my illness. It is all so

> frustrating and seems to make this life so meaningless were it not

> for Sara and our two children.

>

> I am in what I call " sorrow " as the word sad is just too simple and

> to superficial. I was asked by Sara if she should come home to be

> with me yet this " sorrow " is one that just has to be worked through

> alone and over time. It takes so long for it to just " disappear. "

>

> Well, enough of this " pity party " for now. Yes, I am on an

> antidepressant that works. Yes I am on pain medication that does the

> best that it can do. I can hardly move around the house without

> bumping into the walls or nearly falling every other step of the way.

> So, I just stay in bed and live out another day like almost any

> other. I guess a 4-day trip to Vegas is either not enough or just too

> much of a reminder. I an just not sure right now.

>

> Take care, dear friends.

>

> Anyse (CA)

Anyse,

Sorry that you are having such a ratty day, days....week. There's one

thing that I wanted to share with you, to see if maybe what I'm going

to say makes any sense to you, and perhaps, could also apply to how

you're feeling right now.

I have found that during the first week or two after I return home

from a nice, fun vacation that; 1) I'm thrown into a period of

increased pain and malady, usually creeping around the house in pain

and aches - even though I didn't do anything strenuous on the trip,

and 2) I suffer through long sessions of depression and sorrow, sad

that the " party " is over, and in a funk to find myself back in the

same old rut. Both the pain and the sadness usually last a week or

two, and then it all seems to go away.

Do you think there's any chance that this is what could be happening

to you? I privately call it my " post holiday blues " , and think it's

just a result of all the stress, (the good type, but stress no less),

and active pace that I kept up with for 5 or 7 or 10 straight days.

For someone who normally spends hours in bed and then the rest of the

day ticking along at a semi-sedate pace, a holiday is so much more

activity that I'm accustomed to. I go along with it and feel pretty

good while I'm doing it, but the busier pace eventually creeps up on

me, and by the time I get home into my familar bed and surroundings, I

collapse for a week, physically and emotionally.

The end of your trip, combined with the stress and sorrow about your

friend who has reached the end of her rope, would be enough to slap

anyone down. Your empathy and involvement with your friend is very

caring and considerate, yet you have to admit that talking with

someone who feels that way must be very painful and emotionally

draining for you.

These are just my thoughts on the matter and I hope you don't take

offense at my comments. I just thought it might help for you to know

that I have experienced the same problems post holiday, and the only

good thing about it is that, this, too, will get better with time.

Take it easy on yourself and just remember to keep yourself well

hydrated. Have a couple Poncho cocktails on me.

With love, hope and prayers,

Heidi

Heidi H. Griffeth

Bluffton, SC

SC State & SE Regional Representative

Pancreatitis Association, International

Note: All comments or advice are based on personal experience or

opinion only, and should not be substituted for professional medical

consultation.