My probability for surgery -

October 13, 2005

I am no longer a candidate for ANY form of abdominal surgery or

procedures as I have been told that, since my complete Whipple and

gall bladder surgery. My insides are now a new menagerie of work done

by a series of plumbers who could not determine where everything

should really go, so they put them as they chose according to the

Whipple procedure (14 hours). Therefore, my requests for nerve blocks

or cuts have been denied and, knowing how well they work most of the

time (not long lasting, temporary at best), I don't feel that I am

losing out on anything all too wonderful! LOL

I will know by Saturday whether or not the doubling of the Fentanyl

to 150 will be feasible. I hope that t works out OK. I have a few

things to do with PAI and its future that I don't know if I can talk

about right now but, it will be good.

As to my Final Exit, it has been agreed to by my family members and,

should it become necessary to end my suffering (remember that I can

take a lot, so it has been rather " up there " for over a week now,

else I would not even speak of it). Life without quality is not a

life at all. That will be my criterion. When I reach that point, I

will let my family members know and all will be put into motion.

Death, to me, is not a fearful thing even though I have no

preconceived notion as to what that is afterward. As a matter of

fact, I feel that this is a subject that should no longer be

stigmatized by members of this group. It does not have such negative

connotations for cancer patients and other ailments. So, I feel that

it should be freely discussed with heavy put downs or responses of

religious fervor. It is only an end to something terrible that we

would not even put our dog or cat through. Why should we put people

through it?

Anyse

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