To Chrissy: Re: Thanks to all for the support

[Guest guest]

Chrissy: It's 3am on the early morn of 11/5 and I'm trying to get

caught up on msgs. I haven't posted in awhile because of feeling

virtually the exact thing that you are describing below with regard

to your own dealings with this god awful illness.

I guess it would be a bit silly to say that you deserve to feel this

way more than I - though that is the first thing that occurs to me

because you've obviously been thru far more than I have in my two

short yrs of dealing with this. I don't s'pose anyone at ANY stage

of this illness is more deserving of being down. Except for the

fact that you've fought " the good fight " so much longer than I have

for example, and for that, yes, you are FAR more deserving than I

of feeling just, plain beaten down.

I DO know this, however, and that is that when I joined this group

just about two yrs ago, you were one of the very first to welcome

me, to provide me with useful information, and to try and get me to

keep up the " good fight " and for that I will always be grateful. I

just hope that by telling you this that it will help you to see that

though no-one EVER deserves this..that it wasn't something you did

or didn't do - but that it just IS. And I KNOW you know this

already...I'm preaching to the choir I'm sure!! This is the hardest

part of this awful pill for me to swallow, and I'm not there yet

either hon'...not even close.

But, on my good days which are far and few between I might add...I

am now able to try and appreciate them because I know they will be

the only fuel I will have when I get to that point when the pain

beats me down and I feel like it's NEVER going to end - and that is

when I consciously tell myself " See? Remember? Remember those days

when you got in the car and went to the store and felt maybe just a

smidge of what it felt like when life was normal? " That is perhaps

the only thing that gets me thru the worst of it.

I know I'm rambling and not making much sense..it is 3am after all

(!) but I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU have helped me

and hopefully, I can help someone else. Because God dam* it...there

are just so MANY lost souls out there with this illness.....with so

MANY questions, and NO answers and so MUCH confusion because they,

too, thought that when an emergency occurred that the doctors would

know what to do, that there would be a procedure, a drug, a

surgery...SOMETHING that would fix them and make them a whole person

again. Because who ever heard of pancreatitis...acute, chronic,

whatever!!! Hardly anyone that's who.....and so I guess what I'm

saying is that we are here to help those who will come after us, and

they will help those after them....and maybe, just maybe enough

awareness of this illness one day will cause more money to be put

into research and maybe, just maybe one day there will be a cure!!

But until that day comes....WE are all that THEY have....just as YOU

and a few others here were ALL THAT I HAD. So, in that....even

though none of us deserves to be here, to have this god forsaken

illness....but in that, in THAT we DO have a purpose. And I just

wanted to thank you for the part you have played in my

awareness..../I just hope I can do the same for someone else.

Well, as usual...long winded (!!) is at it again but I guess I

just wanted to say thank you Chrissy, that's all really, just thank

you for being here for me when I've needed a shoulder to lean on.

So, lean on us when you need to....I'm just hoping that since I'm

reading this so many days later that you're feeling a bit better by

now. And I can certainly understand how you feel....gosh, one would

think that after a TP/ICT that all your troubles would finally be

over with...and that's got to be a hard one to swallow to find that

even after coming so FAR that there is STILL pain.

Take care Chrissy...

much love and hugs