Re: Update on me! - Shalonda

[Guest guest]

Hi Shalonda,

I was wondering what had happened since you last posted. Sweetie,

what you did took ALOT of courage, especially being this pregnant

and all. But you have the strength and knowledge within you to know

that you and the little one deserve so much better. His blaming you

is NOT okay...Sounds like he has a very long history of being very

selfish and the lying, well....trust is something you earn and he

doesn't sound like he is ready to earn anything right now.

I truly hope that by " leaving the door open " you will not be leaving

yourself open to be hurt again in a moment of lonelieness either now

or after the baby is born and hormones run high, etc...You deserve

respect, love, and honesty, Shalonda...nothing less.

I know you feel alone right now, and we are all so far away...but

its something that you can come here. We care and I want you to know

YOU ARE NEVER TRULY ALONE...

Sending big hugs,

>

>

> This may be a little long winded so forgive me in advance. I

posted

> several weeks ago about my trials and tribulations with the father

of

> my baby. His constant lying and my decision to move out now and

give

> him a chance to grow up and get help if he needs it.

>

> Well, on Monday I moved out. This was after a weekend of fighting,

> talking and alot of tears. He finally told me the truth about how

> many kids he has (3 little girls that I did not know of until just

a

> few weeks ago when his mother told my mother of them). He

confessed

> that his mother DID NOT know that I was pregnant with his 5th

child.

> I just had to be honest with him and tell him that I already knew

> these things and that I appreciated him finally telling me the

truth

> but that I could not garentee what was going to happen with us. I

did

> not tell him at the time that I was moving out on Monday. For

myself

> this was the easier way to handle it.

>

> So Monday I took him to work, kissed him goodbye and went home to

> pack and get out. By that evening I was completely moved into my

new

> place. I told him on his way home from work that I would not be

> waiting for him when he got home and I explained why. He was very

> upset, but still did not own up to the problems that were mostly

> generated by himself. He just turned it all back on my. Showed me

how

> inmature he is. I told him that the door was not closed and that

we

> still have 10-12 weeks before the baby gets here to try and work

on

> these issues. That I needed him to take care of himself before he

> could take on us. I tried to help him see that I could not take

care

> of me and my own issues plus be a new mommie for the first time

and

> take care of a grown man. He said that I gave in, threw in the

towel

> and left him on the street. He accused me of being weak and not

> strong enough to stand by my man while he went through some tough

> times. I told him that I had given him months to get things going

and

> that he only came clean now on the " How many kids " issue because

he

> got caught.

>

> Well there have been several other phone calls where he is begging

me

> to come home or else it was really over. I have also found out

that

> he was lying to our friends about ME. Telling people that I was a

> shop aholic and that he was the one taking care of everything. I

cant

> believe that he lies so much he doesnt know what the truth is. I

also

> found out that while I was shelling out $1400+ to save our

apartment

> he was buying or at least helping to buy his older son's mother a

car

> and he didnt tell me anything about it. I have yet to discuss this

> with him.

>

> I know that I made the right decision and I have to admit that the

> more I think about it the more I realize that he isnt going to

change

> unless I left and it was enough to wake him up and get him to

realize

> his problems and that he needs to deal with them. I get emtional

at

> times and think that I am so ALONE now. But I know that I am not

and

> that he has the chance to still be a father to the baby if he

chooses

> to.

>

> I just wanted to let all know what was happening in my life. I

seen

> the doc last week and I have gained a total of 9.5lbs....I am 27

> weeks pregger with my first. The baby is an jumping bean inside,

but

> I am loving it. I cant wait to hold him in my arms. Thank you so

much

> for listening, responding and supporting me through all of this. I

> appreciate it more than you all know.

>

> I wish everyone happiness, love and enternal joy.

>

> ~HUGS~ Shalonda

> RNY 9/11/03

> 300+/175/??? +9.5lbs for baby

> EDD 1/8-9/05 with baby Malachi