Melody

[Guest guest]

Hi Melody,

Thank you so much for posting. You have often been in my thoughts

and I have prayed that you find healing and peace after a difficult

summer.

I am so glad your culposcopy results were good...and that the

vaccination months have gone by too! Has it become any easier to do

your work with the ministry with time passing? You sound much more

at peace than you did last time you posted...

As for your friend who is due in March..I have a bit of a similar

situation going on as well, only opposite. I am due Nov 10 (but

will be induced this week due to some health issues). My cousin, who

was also pregnant with her first, lost the baby at 22.5 weeks about

three weeks ago - a baby girl, just like I am having. After 40hrs

labor, she was born alive and they were able to baptize her and have

a funeral. I sent her a letter and a Willow Tree healing angel in

time for the funeral. Since then, we have spoken a few times and it

has varied from her being hysterically angry (its a long story), to

a conversation in which we can discuss her loss and how she is

doing, etc...I have to say, as the one having the baby, there is

some misguided guilt on my part (not rational of course) as well as

fears, especially since I have had complications myself. My cousin

has reached out and called me a few times (I have left it up to

her)...the last two times, I have found it very difficult to talk to

her too..But I want to be supportive and help her heal if I can.

I guess what my " advice " to you would be is to be honest with your

friend. She sounds like a very good friend, and likely totally

understands what you are feeling in not being comfortable around

her, especially since she has had m/c's herself. Perhaps write her a

nice letter, explaining what she means to you as a friend and why

you are feeling the need to distance yourself right now. You need to

take care of you right now, and she will take care of herself and

her baby, as she should. When you are ready, her baby will bring you

joy one day, instead of being a tangible reminder of what might have

been for you...And if you are able to get pregnant too, though it

won't replace the baby you lost, will help you feel better about

things too..

Anyway, sorry this is so long, but wanted you to know I am thinking

about you..

Hugs, Mel,

Z

> Hey everyone...

> It's been a while since I posted. Hubby and I were able to get

away for

> vacation which was just waht we needed. We went to Door County

(in Wisconsin)

> and had an awesome, relaxing time. We went to a couple of

wineries and picked

> up a couple cases of wine. Hopefully it won't be long before I

can't drink

> it...at least for nine months or so:) Which leads me to my

update:

>

> Some of you might remember that we found out on July 19th that we

were

> pregnant. My first pregnancy. YEAH!!! But we miscarried (at

about 6 weeks) on

> July 23rd. It's been an emotional rollercoaster since then.

I've found that

> my eating (probably due to stress and emotions) is out of control

and I've

> gained some weight. I don't like that. I feel uncomfortable and

fat. For

> those of you who are pray-ers, I could use a few prayers to get

this eating

> under control. Anyway...right after my miscarriage I had my

rubella

> immunization, so we've had to wait 3 month before TTC. Well, the

three months is up and

> as soon as I get my period (which should be in 3 or 4 days as

long as

> everything stays pretty much on schedule) I'll start the Clomid.

Part of me wants

> to get pregnant ASAP and part of me would like to wait until I

lose 15-20

> pounds. I'd like to be 145-150 before I get pregnant. However,

I'm not getting

> any younger (I'm 37 now) and know that waiting TOO long isn't

going to

> benefit me. I am looking forward to being pregnant again

though. Another part of

> the update: in April I had to see my ob/gyn for a colposcopy. I

had to have

> a colposcopy because two years in a row my paps came back

abnormal. My

> colposcopy in April came back just fine. I just got the results

from my 6 month

> follow up and that came back just fine, too. YEAH!!!

>

> So, that's the update (if you're still reading, THANK YOU).

Here's where I

> need some advice. One of my very best friends is pregnant and

due on March

> 5. That's just 2 weeks before we were due (March 20). She was

so wonderful

> when I had the m/c. She came over right away and spent a couple

of hours with

> me. She's had 2 or 3 m/c, so she knew what I was going through.

That day

> she told me that if I ever couldn't be around her, I should just

tell her and

> she'd totally understand and wouldn't take it personally. After

all, she's

> been there, done that. That made me feel so good. I didn't

think I'd have a

> problem. She's now starting to show and I'm starting to feel

really jealous

> and I'm feeling like I don't want to spend much time with her.

It's

> obviously nothing she's done, but I keep asking God why it's fair

that she already

> has 2 beautiful children and is now having another one and why I

had to have a

> m/c. Now I realize better than anyone that life is not fair.

God never

> promised us that it would be. I know when I think/feel those

things I'm acting

> out of human emotion and not logic. So I could use some advice

about what to

> do. Knowing me, I'd never say anything to her and I'd just suck

it up. I

> would never do anything to Lara to hurt her, but I'm having a

really hard time

> right now. Any good words of wisdom??? I'd really appreciate

hearing from

> some of you.

>

> That was WAY too long. Thanks for reading this far. I really

appreciate

> you girls and this place where I can come and just bear my

feelings, thoughts,

> questions, etc. THANK YOU!!!

>

> Love and peace...

> Melody

>

> Surgeon: Dr. Clayton, River Falls Hospital, River Falls,

WI

> Surgery Date: 04/30/02

> Highest Weight: 298 lbs.

> Today's Weight 160 lbs (although my lowest was a year ago at 144

lbs...and

> that ticks me off)

>

>

>

>