Update and advice needed

[Guest guest]

Hey everyone...

It's been a while since I posted. Hubby and I were able to get away for

vacation which was just waht we needed. We went to Door County (in Wisconsin)

and had an awesome, relaxing time. We went to a couple of wineries and picked

up a couple cases of wine. Hopefully it won't be long before I can't drink

it...at least for nine months or so:) Which leads me to my update:

Some of you might remember that we found out on July 19th that we were

pregnant. My first pregnancy. YEAH!!! But we miscarried (at about 6 weeks)

on

July 23rd. It's been an emotional rollercoaster since then. I've found that

my eating (probably due to stress and emotions) is out of control and I've

gained some weight. I don't like that. I feel uncomfortable and fat. For

those of you who are pray-ers, I could use a few prayers to get this eating

under control. Anyway...right after my miscarriage I had my rubella

immunization, so we've had to wait 3 month before TTC. Well, the three months

is up and

as soon as I get my period (which should be in 3 or 4 days as long as

everything stays pretty much on schedule) I'll start the Clomid. Part of me

wants

to get pregnant ASAP and part of me would like to wait until I lose 15-20

pounds. I'd like to be 145-150 before I get pregnant. However, I'm not

getting

any younger (I'm 37 now) and know that waiting TOO long isn't going to

benefit me. I am looking forward to being pregnant again though. Another part

of

the update: in April I had to see my ob/gyn for a colposcopy. I had to have

a colposcopy because two years in a row my paps came back abnormal. My

colposcopy in April came back just fine. I just got the results from my 6

month

follow up and that came back just fine, too. YEAH!!!

So, that's the update (if you're still reading, THANK YOU). Here's where I

need some advice. One of my very best friends is pregnant and due on March

5. That's just 2 weeks before we were due (March 20). She was so wonderful

when I had the m/c. She came over right away and spent a couple of hours with

me. She's had 2 or 3 m/c, so she knew what I was going through. That day

she told me that if I ever couldn't be around her, I should just tell her and

she'd totally understand and wouldn't take it personally. After all, she's

been there, done that. That made me feel so good. I didn't think I'd have a

problem. She's now starting to show and I'm starting to feel really jealous

and I'm feeling like I don't want to spend much time with her. It's

obviously nothing she's done, but I keep asking God why it's fair that she

already

has 2 beautiful children and is now having another one and why I had to have a

m/c. Now I realize better than anyone that life is not fair. God never

promised us that it would be. I know when I think/feel those things I'm acting

out of human emotion and not logic. So I could use some advice about what to

do. Knowing me, I'd never say anything to her and I'd just suck it up. I

would never do anything to Lara to hurt her, but I'm having a really hard time

right now. Any good words of wisdom??? I'd really appreciate hearing from

some of you.

That was WAY too long. Thanks for reading this far. I really appreciate

you girls and this place where I can come and just bear my feelings, thoughts,

questions, etc. THANK YOU!!!

Love and peace...

Melody

Surgeon: Dr. Clayton, River Falls Hospital, River Falls, WI

Surgery Date: 04/30/02

Highest Weight: 298 lbs.

Today's Weight 160 lbs (although my lowest was a year ago at 144 lbs...and

that ticks me off)