Re: Phil update Tuesday Oct.25

[Guest guest]

Narice, You are not being selfish at all!!! You need some things for

you. You are doing so much and holding so much together that you will

fall apart without some help. You worry and frett and worry some more

and never ever do you have time for you!!!!

I wish so much that I lived closer to you so I could help you. You

have given all here so much support and you have given and given.

You are carrying a huge burden and you need to have some time to do

something nice for yourself. If I could only be closer I would help

you in in any way I could. All I can offer you is my heart and

Prayers.

I admire your strength. You are a beautiful lady and a wonderful

caregiver. May God find some peace for you and take care of both you

and Phil. Love, Ingrid

>

>

>

> It seems every time I write these days I have more bad new. Lately

I feel

> like we are back 2 years ago with all the symptoms from then.

Scary since a

> lot were tumor related but the CT scan was status quo so who knows?

>

> Today's symptom is hiccoughs which adds Thorazine to the mix of

drugs to

> treat the multiple symptoms and sideeffects. We are so worn out

with all this.

> It is a minor thing but causing him major discomfort.

>

> He took meds 2 hours ago and hallelujah they are finally

>

> Phil was able to get Dr. Rothman to agree to chemo only every

other week

> which will hopefully give him more symptom/side effect free days.

>

> I was met at the mall by one of our church members who said " It

must be

> hard. "

> So I said a little and she said " No I think a lot. "

> She is right of course but it is hard to wear your emotions in

front of 100+

> parishioners!

> Then I start feeling like no one gives a damn when truth is I'm

just trying

> to be this strong ROCK I think everyone wants me to be!!

> I can't be boohooing all the time for God sake!!!

>

> I am going to just ask for what I need since everyone keeps asking.

I feel

> kind of selfish but here goes anyway.

>

> 1. a day out

> 2. phone calls from you and/or phone cards

> 3. money for extras like clothes and getting my hair done (that

you all say

> I deserve)

> 4. visitors from near and far

> 5. lots of prayer and encouragement because no matter how good it

has been I

> do not have good feelings about how things are going.

>

> OK end of my ranting.

>

> Phil is home sleeping and comfortable for the moment

> Time for another deep breath even more prayers

> and more fighting to keep my head together and my heart from

breaking.

>

> It ain't easy but I know it is possible

> Narice

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Narice, my heart is breaking for you and lots of others on this

group. And for the ones who have passed on.

I get people telling me to be strong and don't cry in front of my

husband. Why do they think we have to be like a ROCK? If I don't

show some emotions to my husband, he will think I am cold and stone

hearted. Not to mention that I feel the need to be honest with him.

Taking their advice, of course I have been trying to be strong and

keep my emotions in check, but two or three times I could feel my

own voice was quivering. I know that Sam knew that I wanted to cry.

We are human. We need to be honest with each other. That's why I

love this group. I haven't really gone on a rant that I remember,

but I am so glad that you all are here in case I do. Thanks for

being here.

Hugs & prayers to all,

~Deb from KS

>

>> I was met at the mall by one of our church members who said " It

must be > hard. "

> So I said a little and she said " No I think a lot. "

> She is right of course but it is hard to wear your emotions in

front of 100+ > parishioners!

> Then I start feeling like no one gives a damn when truth is I'm

just trying to be this strong ROCK I think everyone wants me to be!!

> I can't be boohooing all the time for God sake!!!

>

> OK end of my ranting.

>

> Phil is home sleeping and comfortable for the moment

> Time for another deep breath even more prayers

> and more fighting to keep my head together and my heart from

breaking.

>

> It ain't easy but I know it is possible

> Narice

[Guest guest]

Jan, I'm glad that you and Bill are hanging on to each other. He is lucky to

have you.

FWIW: A friend of mine belongs to an Interfaith group and she told me a sad

story of a woman who had breast cancer and her husband left her. He didn't love

her enough to stick with her and help her when she needed him the most. Now she

is healthy and has become NED for about seven years and she heard through the

grapevine that her ex-husband has been diagnosed with inoperable cancer. Sad.

Thank you for sending that quote: As one of the nurses said " You guys have

cancer, not HE has cancer. Couples who face things together share them equally

in different ways " .

Take care,

~Deb from KS

Jan wrote:

Deb,

In fifty years I had never seen my husband cry. Not at funerals, movies,

nada. I am not much of a crier (unless I get angry) but after the

diagnosis, we cried together many times during those first weeks. As one of

the nurses said " You guys have cancer, not HE has cancer. Couples who face

things together share them equally in different ways " . We have become much

closer now but we still disagree on things as usual. I guess 'we' have

become a WE:-)

Hugs

Jan

Re: Phil update Tuesday Oct.25

> Narice, my heart is breaking for you and lots of others on this

> group. And for the ones who have passed on.

>

> I get people telling me to be strong and don't cry in front of my

> husband. Why do they think we have to be like a ROCK? If I don't

> show some emotions to my husband, he will think I am cold and stone

> hearted. Not to mention that I feel the need to be honest with him.

> Taking their advice, of course I have been trying to be strong and

> keep my emotions in check, but two or three times I could feel my

> own voice was quivering. I know that Sam knew that I wanted to cry.

> We are human. We need to be honest with each other. That's why I

> love this group. I haven't really gone on a rant that I remember,

> but I am so glad that you all are here in case I do. Thanks for

> being here.

> Hugs & prayers to all,

> ~Deb from KS

>

>

> >

> >> I was met at the mall by one of our church members who said " It

> must be > hard. "

> > So I said a little and she said " No I think a lot. "

> > She is right of course but it is hard to wear your emotions in

> front of 100+ > parishioners!

> > Then I start feeling like no one gives a damn when truth is I'm

> just trying to be this strong ROCK I think everyone wants me to be!!

> > I can't be boohooing all the time for God sake!!!

> >

> > OK end of my ranting.

> >

> > Phil is home sleeping and comfortable for the moment

> > Time for another deep breath even more prayers

> > and more fighting to keep my head together and my heart from

> breaking.

> >

> > It ain't easy but I know it is possible

> > Narice

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