Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/23/03 6:24:43 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

jbsmom@... writes:

> Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

> it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

>

>

No,we don't think so.We usually say he will just be Keion and hope that they

will catch a clue.

Sometimes when we try to inform folks you see their eyes glaze over

about 10 seconds going in.Wish i had a dollar for every time someone has said

" Oh yeah Rainman.... " sigh......

Oh well.

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

I think these are the worst conversations we have with our families. I don't

know if they're trying to make you feel better or if they are in denial. You

can either just say whatever you need to say to get them to drop the subject

like you did this weekend, or you could cut them off with something like " If

you're not going to support me, please let's not discuss 's developement.

I live with this child day to day and see all that isn't right and you only see

him _________ at a time. " You could always say that you guys could just agree to

disagree and would rather not discuss it as it's upsetting to you to not have

their support, too. Of course, there's always pointing out how it's nice to

know they know so much more than the specially trained teachers working with

him, but then it depends on if you want to appear snotty...Big hugs to you. I

know how frustrating those conversations can be. The only way they will ever

see it is if they spend a great deal of time with him. Sue

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sue!! I do think they are trying to be nice but it sure gets to me. I did

feel like saying " I am clever but not clever enough to convince 3 dx

specialists over a 6 month period (one being a Neuro Dev doc) plus his DT and ST

that he is ASD when he isn't "

Maybe I should just answer their comments in " GreeK "

Like " Well during ABA therapy and doing his ELap, his stimming with

the........... " OK It makes no sense but they don't have to know that LOL

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

I think these are the worst conversations we have with our families. I don't

know if they're trying to make you feel better or if they are in denial. You

can either just say whatever you need to say to get them to drop the subject

like you did this weekend, or you could cut them off with something like " If

you're not going to support me, please let's not discuss 's developement.

I live with this child day to day and see all that isn't right and you only see

him _________ at a time. " You could always say that you guys could just agree to

disagree and would rather not discuss it as it's upsetting to you to not have

their support, too. Of course, there's always pointing out how it's nice to

know they know so much more than the specially trained teachers working with

him, but then it depends on if you want to appear snotty...Big hugs to you. I

know how frustrating those conversations can be. The only way they will ever

see! it is if they spend a great deal of time with him. Sue

[Guest guest]

Have you tried telling them that you know they are trying to make you feel

better, but it makes you feel like you have no support from them and

depresses you? It might just do the trick.

Sue

[Guest guest]

LOL Sue, you know I never thought of the direct approach...I am such a wimp. I

think being ASD will help me become a much stronger person!!

I do know that my mom emailed and told me that my sister thinks the experts are

wrong but that my mom told her to be supportive anyway so you are right, I just

need to tell her how it makes me feel. We are very close and I know she means

well. She adores and has since he was born even when others couldn't deal

with his crankiness so I really should give her more credit that if I just tell

her how it makes me feel...

Thanks again Sue,

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

Have you tried telling them that you know they are trying to make you feel

better, but it makes you feel like you have no support from them and

depresses you? It might just do the trick.

Sue

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/23/03 10:07:48 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

vhunnius@... writes:

> You are absolutely right, . Having has changed me in SO many

> ways, all of them positive. I'm strong where I used to be wishy-washy. I

> am resilient where I used to just give up and go with the flow. I am

> determined where I used to be a quitter. I am grateful where I used to be

> always wanting more. I am content with what I have, where I used to always

> be looking for something else.

>

> Having has made me grow in ways I never could have imagined.

>

>

yup-Keion has been a blessing to us as well.My blood pressure is down 40

points from all the exercise-lol

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/23/03 8:56:28 AM Eastern Daylight Time,

elizabeth.loht@... writes:

> My other approach was gonna be this:

>

> " If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and buy

> stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. "

>

>

ROTFLAPIMP!

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

ARGH!!!! This was my entire weekend to with the FIL! Wanted to smack him!

grrrr.

After some thought, I have come up with the following response: " I know

that you are trying to be hopeful and encouraging, but after a lot of

thought and consideration, we believe that <child's name> is autistic. And

our doctors agree. We are trying to do what's best for him/her and we would

appreciate your support. If you disagree with this, I respect that, but I

would prefer that you keep it to yourself. "

I only hope that one day I have the courage to say these words ...

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

----- Original Message -----

> I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself "

and when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head

thinking it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for

issues. I know this is not true but...... has changed alot in the last

2 months but still I live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me

when I say, I would love for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6

months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all

" Greek " to me....LOL

>

> Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

>

> Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch at

school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in

half " Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing

else is going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for

a another vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat "

sis " alot of little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is

fine, I don't know why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why

did I do that???

>

> Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

[Guest guest]

My other approach was gonna be this:

" If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and buy

stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. "

I think that would settle it.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

[Guest guest]

>>> " If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and buy

stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. " <<<

LOL !! I choked laughing on my Apple Jacks!!

Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

My other approach was gonna be this:

" If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and buy

stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. "

I think that would settle it.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

[Guest guest]

>>>I only hope that one day I have the courage to say these words ...<<<

Nice to know I am not the only wimp LOL

[Guest guest]

I can't remember who's six year old daughter said it, but her line

was a classic... " Momma, you just should have said Bite me, he's

autistic "

I can understand why you can't tell your family that tho...lol.

Maybe as time goes by, they will understand. My mom was like this

for a couple of years, then it hit her. My ex mom-in-law told me I

just needed to beat the kids more....

Leigh

[Guest guest]

People who don't live with it and don't understand it don't get it. There

is nothing you can do to make them get it.

I have listened to the same crap about Savannah for years. People telling

me that she is fine and that all kids do that. ARGH!!!! Makes me want to

smack them.

Georga

I know people mean well but......Vent

> Good Morning everyone,

>

>

>

> I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself "

and when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head

thinking it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for

issues. I know this is not true but...... has changed alot in the last

2 months but still I live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me

when I say, I would love for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6

months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all

" Greek " to me....LOL

>

>

>

> Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

>

>

>

> Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch at

school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in

half " Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing

else is going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for

a another vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat "

sis " alot of little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is

fine, I don't know why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why

did I do that???

>

>

>

> Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

>

>

>

> Warm Regards

>

>

>

> & ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---

>

> Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

>

> Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

>

> Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old.

Not too sensitive at all. There is NOTHING more agonizing than having

finally come to grips with the fact that something is " wrong " with your

child, and then, instead of enjoying the support and comfort of those around

you, having to FIGHT to convince THEM there's something " wrong " with your

child!!!!!!!!!!

Like we'd really just wish this because it looks like fun. <sigh>

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> LOL Sue, you know I never thought of the direct approach...I am such a

wimp. I think being ASD will help me become a much stronger person!!

>

You are absolutely right, . Having has changed me in SO many

ways, all of them positive. I'm strong where I used to be wishy-washy. I

am resilient where I used to just give up and go with the flow. I am

determined where I used to be a quitter. I am grateful where I used to be

always wanting more. I am content with what I have, where I used to always

be looking for something else.

Having has made me grow in ways I never could have imagined.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> My other approach was gonna be this:

>

> " If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and

buy

> stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. "

>

> I think that would settle it.

It does. I've done that. :-)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

, some get it, some don't, some never will. My husband's folks,

after all this time are just now starting to kind of have an

inkling. My dad is more old school also, and he was slow to catch

on, but he does understand now. He still misses it some, but he's

more understanding. My folks have been very involved with my kids

though and have seen it first hand, and even then it took years for

my dad. An awful lot of folks just really don't get it. Even those

that are supposed to be the professionals are often in the 'don't get

it' category, like the developmental ped that saw JJ at four, who

told us to " Just put him back to bed. " Like gee, why hadn't I

thought of that? I'm sorry your sister seems blind to his

disability, she doesn't live with him though and you do, and that's

the important part.

[Guest guest]

and this would work too!!

M.G.mum to

Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT)

Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD)

married to and living in Northern Ontario

[Guest guest]

this is perfect elizabeth! you have the gift of grace and diplomacy. well

said!

M.G.mum to

Sebastian, 11 kinda quirky(NT)

Rowan, 6 extra quirky (ASD)

married to and living in Northern Ontario

[Guest guest]

LOL but they never take the kids! darn it.

Jacquie H

Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

My other approach was gonna be this:

" If you think he's normal, I dare you to take him to the post office and buy

stamps without a stroller or other restraining device. "

I think that would settle it.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

[Guest guest]

You should say it. Just like that. I was always lucky. Jeff always does all the

talking to his family for me.

Jacquie H

Re: I know people mean well but......Vent

ARGH!!!! This was my entire weekend to with the FIL! Wanted to smack him!

grrrr.

After some thought, I have come up with the following response: " I know

that you are trying to be hopeful and encouraging, but after a lot of

thought and consideration, we believe that <child's name> is autistic. And

our doctors agree. We are trying to do what's best for him/her and we would

appreciate your support. If you disagree with this, I respect that, but I

would prefer that you keep it to yourself. "

I only hope that one day I have the courage to say these words ...

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 10 wks

----- Original Message -----

> I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself "

and when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head

thinking it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for

issues. I know this is not true but...... has changed alot in the last

2 months but still I live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me

when I say, I would love for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6

months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all

" Greek " to me....LOL

>

> Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

>

> Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch at

school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in

half " Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing

else is going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for

a another vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat "

sis " alot of little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is

fine, I don't know why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why

did I do that???

>

> Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

[Guest guest]

Jacquie H,

That is so awesome about Greggory. If you don't mean sharing, what

therapy/intervention did Greggory have done so that he went from " he was soooo

autistic. You could see it a mile away. " to being mainstreamed. I am asking just

because it gives me hope!!

>>>My FIL told Jeff, " See? I told you he was fine. " BLEECH!<<<

Yup that is actually what I figure my sister will say if does great. Like

the therapy had nothing to do with it. " shaking my head "

I know people mean well but......Vent

Good Morning everyone,

I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself " and

when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head thinking

it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for issues. I know this

is not true but...... has changed alot in the last 2 months but still I

live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me when I say, I would love

for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6 months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile

issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all " Greek " to me....LOL

Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch at

school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in half "

Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing else is

going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for a another

vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat " sis " alot of

little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is fine, I don't know

why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why did I do that???

Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

---

Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

[Guest guest]

Thanks. I would be happy to share with you the million and one things we did

with Greggory over the past 7 years of his life. LOL But I am getting ready to

go to the Drs to confirm I am NOT pregnant. and to find out what is actually

going on with me. I will post his story when I get back.

Jacquie H

I know people mean well but......Vent

Good Morning everyone,

I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself " and

when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head thinking

it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for issues. I know this

is not true but...... has changed alot in the last 2 months but still I

live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me when I say, I would love

for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6 months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile

issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all " Greek " to me....LOL

Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good but

it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch at

school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in half "

Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing else is

going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for a another

vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat " sis " alot of

little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is fine, I don't know

why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why did I do that???

Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

---

Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

[Guest guest]

My fingers are crossed that you get the pregnancy results that you want!!

I know people mean well but......Vent

Good Morning everyone,

I spent way too much time over the Easter weekend at my family's house

hearing my sister and one of my friend's saying " there is nothing wrong with

that boy " " He imitates just fine " " look at how good he entertains himself " and

when I would start to explain to them...I could hear myself in my head thinking

it sounds like I am wanting him to be, that I am looking for issues. I know this

is not true but...... has changed alot in the last 2 months but still I

live with him and things are not " right " ...Believe me when I say, I would love

for him to be " fine " . I would love to go back 6 months when ABA, DT,OT, tactile

issues, Hypo sensitive and stims were all " Greek " to me....LOL

Am I being too sensitive? I think they are trying to make me feel good

but it gets old. I finally just say " you are right, he will be fine "

Example I told my sister " was stimming on his crackers at lunch

at school (lining them up then stack then line) so the teacher broke them in

half " Sis " all kids line things up " Me " but not to the point where nothing else

is going on " sis " my son used to do it all the time " (Another story for a

another vent LOL) Me " well but then does nothing else and wont eat " sis

" alot of little kids play with their food " Me " Ok you are right, he is fine, I

don't know why the teacher thought that was a problem " grrrrr Why did I do

that???

Sorry this is a long rambling bitch.....I could go on with 10 other

conversations that were the same idea

Warm Regards

& ASD 11/25/00 in Maine

---

Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.

Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).

Version: 6.0.427 / Virus Database: 240 - Release Date: 12/6/2002

[Guest guest]

Some people just can't be convinced. Certain members

of my family came around only after I stopped talking

to them. If they started to say " He'll grow out of it "

or something similar, I just walked away because I

couldn't listen to it anymore.

Tuna

=====

mom to:

, 8, ASD

, 4, NT

Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

- Whoopi Goldberg

______________________________________________________________________

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