snappy comebacks

[Guest guest]

Had to share..thought you all could use a good laugh..the last is my favorite,

hehe

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a

man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench

coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, " Sir, I need to see your

ticket, not your stub. "

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but

couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, " Do these

turkeys get any bigger? " The stock boy replied, " No ma'am, they're dead. "

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down

his window. " I've been waiting for you all day, " the cop said. The kid

replied, " Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could. " When the cop finally

stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads

low bridge ahead. " Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he

gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car

comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts

his hands on his hips and says, " Got stuck, huh? " The truck driver says, " No, I

was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas. "

and finally #5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. " Now class, I

won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a

nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your

immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever! " A smart-ass guy in

the ! back of the room raised his hand and asks, " What would you say if tomorrow

I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion? " The entire

class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is

restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head,

and sweetly says, " Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other

hand. "