Re: Re: Venting - New Baby Vs. Dysfunctional family from HELL

[Guest guest]

,

First, don't have another unless you really want another. I had my second

knowing that there was something going on with , but not having a name

for it yet. As someone else said, there is an increased risk of another

child with issues once you have a child with autism. Be sure you are

prepared for the possibility of having two spectrum kids to raise. Also, it

is possible to raise two and not feel like you're leaving one out. In my

case, my boys are 3 1/2 years apart, but are very close as siblings go.

They are much more tolerant of each others 'uniqueness'.

If you decide that this is what you want to do, tell your mom you love her,

but if she can't say anything supportive or happy for you, then you don't

think you should discuss her future grandchild with her for now.

Wishing you the best!

Sue

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

I could have written your post with one exception. Dh only wanted the 1

child from the beginning. When Matt was 10 months old, I went through a

serious yearning for another baby. I had missed out on so much with

as an infant, with his heart problem and then surgery and my PPD, I wasn't

able to breastfeed, and that was a HUGE loss for me. It still is there as

a loss, but for the most part, I'm over it. I'm SO glad now that Dh didn't

give in to another. For us, it would have been a BIG mistake. Then I read

about Georga, and others who have more than 1 and it is working out

for them. Each family does have to make their own decision, and just pray

it's the right one. :-)

ellen

Re: Re: Venting - New Baby Vs. Dysfunctional

family from HELL

I didn't get to read the original, but from the replies I felt like I

wanted

to chime in.

I am one who decided NOT to have another child, even though we had always

planned on three or more.

I based my decision (WE based OUR decision) on 's diagnosis and our

knowledge that his autism is genetic (no formal testing; one just has to

look at me and dh to know it is), my own traumatic birth experience, PPD,

and subsequent bipolar disorder. We also assessed whether we felt we

could

live through autistic toddler years a second time, and felt that even if

we

could, we didn't WANT to. We were unwilling to go through the wringer

again, as it was SO hard the first time.

There was a palpable sense of loss for a long time after making that

decision, one that would fade and then rear up again when least expected.

I

questioned that decision almost constantly for a long time.

Now is 6 1/2, and while I know it would have been nice for him to

have

a sibling (or siblings) he doesn't seem to be suffering for the lack of

them. I'm glad to have the hours he's at school to myself, rather than

spending them parenting someone else. This way, *I* get a break.

I envy and admire parents who go on to have more, but for us, having only

was the right decision. :-)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

I didn't get to read the original, but from the replies I felt like I wanted

to chime in.

I am one who decided NOT to have another child, even though we had always

planned on three or more.

I based my decision (WE based OUR decision) on 's diagnosis and our

knowledge that his autism is genetic (no formal testing; one just has to

look at me and dh to know it is), my own traumatic birth experience, PPD,

and subsequent bipolar disorder. We also assessed whether we felt we could

live through autistic toddler years a second time, and felt that even if we

could, we didn't WANT to. We were unwilling to go through the wringer

again, as it was SO hard the first time.

There was a palpable sense of loss for a long time after making that

decision, one that would fade and then rear up again when least expected. I

questioned that decision almost constantly for a long time.

Now is 6 1/2, and while I know it would have been nice for him to have

a sibling (or siblings) he doesn't seem to be suffering for the lack of

them. I'm glad to have the hours he's at school to myself, rather than

spending them parenting someone else. This way, *I* get a break.

I envy and admire parents who go on to have more, but for us, having only

was the right decision. :-)

Jacquie