Help, my HV is offensive

[Guest guest]

What a day, not only is it raining so my 3 horses need to be rugged and

stabled (major pain in the arse and DH cant work, but I have been to the

weigh in clinic to see my HV. My DS has had symptoms of teething for two

weeks, without teeth coming through, and I just asked my HV for the best

advice to deal with it, as I dont like to use calpol too much.

I had problems with her attitude to having a vegetarian baby (you may

remember ), but this beats it all! (she isnt nasty in an obvious way, she

does it with an inane grin on her face!)

She suggested (as she seems to think DS is a tempermental little

thing...which is actually the reverse, hes a v happy baby, which is why I

know he is in discomfort) that my DS was not teething, but was infact bored

and suggested that I dont do enough to keep him happy. I explained that from

the moment I get up til I go to work in the evening, he is played with, read

to, walked, taken to meetings and to meet other children. He is put in a

swing, a bouncy chair, plays with me on a mat, goes out for long walks to see

new things, plays in the bath. What else can I do?

He is never bored, he doesnt even cry for food, so I am completely insulted

and offended by her remarks which basically amount to me not being a very

attentive mother! In fact my own mother gets cross with me because when my

DS is asleep, I keep checking to see if he is awake becuase I want to do

things with him!

Why is she saying these things? Am I a bad mother? Maybe DS isnt getting the

right kind of attention? AAAhhhh shes made me worry now!

what do you think?

Appaulling mother to maladjusted neglected Rohan (age ?? cant remember)

[Guest guest]

I think you have VERY STUPID hv.. and personally I would complain about a remark

like it.. Even if she does think this there is NO WAY she should be telling you

this.. Also did she come up with any " suggestions " on what you could do on top

of what you already is doing??? Has she ever been around you and your child for

long enough for her to know what kind of relationship you have with your son???

Sorry there are some wonderful hv out there but yours does not sound like one

who goes into that category...

With regards to the teething try some Chammomilla drops (Homeopathic remedy most

health stores will stock it) they work a treat and can be given every 5 mins

without harm.. My second actually got to the point where when teething and I

would get the bottle out she would stop crying and open her mouth just waiting

for the drops to do their stuff..

Lonnie Phoebe & Eloisa's mama

& expecting a Christmas delivery...

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what you

start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake.

I feel better already.

[Guest guest]

wrote:

> ........My DS has had symptoms of teething for two

> weeks, without teeth coming through, and I just asked my HV for the

best

> advice to deal with it, as I dont like to use calpol too much.

>

> I had problems with her attitude to having a vegetarian baby (you

may

> remember ), but this beats it all! <snip> What else can I do?

>

> He is never bored, he doesnt even cry for food, so I am completely

insulted

> and offended by her remarks which basically amount to me not being

a very

> attentive mother>>>>>>>

No you are not a bad mother - I have come to the conclusion that HV's

are often (not always don't shoot me down) talking a load of

rubbish, they bring with them their " own " problems and then try to

problem solve for parents without taking the parents into

consideration.

If DS is fine apart from his teeth (ie gaining weight to their

satisfaction) I would reduce my visits to see her, and go to a NCT

meeting (or online) and get advise from other parents!

(You can tell I have my counselling hat on today !!!!!!!!!)

Trisha

SAHM to 3 boys

[Guest guest]

> what do you think?

>

>

> Appaulling mother to maladjusted neglected Rohan (age ?? cant remember)

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> She suggested (as she seems to think DS is a tempermental little

> thing...which is actually the reverse, hes a v happy baby, which is

why I

> know he is in discomfort) that my DS was not teething, but was

infact bored

> and suggested that I dont do enough to keep him happy.

I think that HV training must include a series of courses on how to

make mothers worry unnecessarily and doubt everything they're doing.

Mine tried to convince me when Calvin was 2 weeks and 3 days that the

fact that he was 4 ounces over his birthweight put him lower on the

chart, therefore, he wasn't getting enough to eat and I should start

supplementing ASAP. And she already knew I had PND, so what was this,

an attempt to kill me? Anyway, I told them I wouldn't supplement on

such weak evidence (and then went home and found the real evidence

that they were full of cr**) and that I would come back in 2 weeks for

another weigh-in. I did and he had gained almost 2 pounds in those 2

weeks. Starving, my a**! And at that same visit, I complained that

Calvin fed for long periods with only short breaks in between and one

HV told me to give him water. So he's starving, but give him something

with no calories at all. Hmmmm...

Whoops, I thought that rant was just about out of my system by now

(after 20 1/2 months of breastfeeding)

Anyway, take their advice with a grain of salt, just as you should

take anyone's advice (even ours!) with a grain of salt who is not

spending all day with your child with you. Keep doing what you're

doing

Phyllis

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 19/09/2001 17:01:35 GMT Daylight Time,

orTrisha@... writes:

> If DS is fine apart from his teeth (ie gaining weight to their

> satisfaction) I would reduce my visits to see her, and go to a NCT

> meeting (or online) and get advise from other parents!

>

> (You can tell I have my counselling hat on today !!!!!!!!!)

>

> Trisha

>

Thanks, my DS is fine, he gained a pound in the last two weeks...which aint

bad!!

Mum to Rohan (6 mths)

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 19/09/2001 21:21:44 GMT Daylight Time,

hannah-louise@... writes:

> LOL! Take no notice - perhaps he is a little overstimulated judging by his

> list of daily activities! ;o)

>

Hannah...then I really cant win LOL!!!

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 19/09/2001 22:00:23 GMT Daylight Time, plaatsch@...

writes:

> Anyway, take their advice with a grain of salt, just as you should

> take anyone's advice (even ours!) with a grain of salt who is not

> spending all day with your child with you. Keep doing what you're

> doing

>

> Phyllis

>

Thanks, I am calmer now, went to work, was rude to customers, felt better,

and now have put the old cows daft comment behind me! Thanks anyway,

[Guest guest]

> Why is she saying these things?

Probably because she's be taught to suggest 'non-medical' solutions

to parents worries.

I get it all the time with our doctors, they'll avoid taking it

seriously the first 3 times in the hope that we (and the symptoms)

will go away. It drives me mad - (moisturising cream for earache for

God's sake! which turned out to be permanent glue ear) - but I can

see why they do it, as most things do cure themselves...

What your HV hasn't been taught it seems, is to distinguish between

different kids/families, and to have some tact in how she suggests

things!

There ARE parents who hunk their kids around as dolls in their car

seats without ever letting them participate in life (I know a few),

and for them the 'he's bored' issue might be valid. I guess an HV

needs a lot of experience and need to really know a family to know

who is who. and which issues apply to whom? So I guess I'd rather

they mention things to too many parents than to too few, if you know

what I mean. (It made me a bit cross when our dragon HV suddenly

decided we were OK parents, just because she came around for a

development check and realised we lived in a house and DH was a

suited banker - as if that was meant to make any difference).

The second issue - how you suggest things - should be an essential

part in their training though, in my view. If you take away a mum's

confidence you can do so much damage!! There are way's of suggesting

things, isn't there, without making it sounds as if you are doing

something wrong. They should give you a chance to say 'I do that

already', and then suggest something else.

It sounds to me as if you do all you can for your baby, and teething

is hell, I don't think you really know how bad it can be until you've

had a baby. My dragon HV got marginally better after she had a baby -

still, I don't see her anymore as she doesn't add any value... :-)

other than weighing them, which I can do at home.

My advice would be either complain (and who knows - she might be more

insecure than evil) - and although she'll probably be upset it might

teach her to do better next time.

Or just ignore her, like I do with mine, letting her focus on

families that really need help.

Whatever you do don't let her lack of training and sensitivity get to

you - you know your child best!

Karina

[Guest guest]

>

>> She suggested (as she seems to think DS is a tempermental little

>> thing...which is actually the reverse, hes a v happy baby, which is

>why I

>> know he is in discomfort) that my DS was not teething, but was

>infact bored

>> and suggested that I dont do enough to keep him happy.

>

>I think that HV training must include a series of courses on how to

>make mothers worry unnecessarily and doubt everything they're doing.

Must have missed those lectures :-)

I do think that, if you are a reasonably confident parent, someone

you regard as a fellow parent can say the same thing as some

'authority' figure - be it professional or parental to *you* and be

better received, even if you don't think they are right. The exact

same phrases in the same tone of voice even. This of course is why I

went native:-)))))

I have some sympathies with 's HV (in this situation) - if

someone comes to me saying their baby is teething and they want to

know what they can do to help that doesn't involve lots of Calpol I

would think (at least initially) I was being told the child *was*

showing some signs of being unsettled in some way, not that he is

currently a very happy baby! Not that I buy the generally

understimulated theory - if someone comes and says this child is

teething they are talking about new behaviours, but then, if I was to

go by personal experience alone I'd be dismissive about teething too

- *I* got fed up with everyone telling me for six months DS1 was

about to produce a tooth because he was dribbling, chewing his fists,

had a red cheek, was grizzly. It could be that he is about to do

*something* developmentally though.

But people do seem to like to waste their time by launching straight

into a possible 'answer' without ascertaining what you are doing

already - and very often if you then say you are doing what they have

suggested already you must be doing it too much.

--

jennifer@...

Vaudin