Re: Venting - New Baby Vs. Dysfunctional family from HELL

[Guest guest]

If you do decide to have another baby, go into it prepared and

ready. If you don't feel you're ready now, don't do it!

Be informed that if you have one child with autism, you're more

likely to have other children with either autism or other disorders

like adhd...(lots of people have many children with some kind of

diagnosis).

Personally, I'd not have another baby after my Zach. But that's MY

decision, and I made it well before I ever had the inkling that he

was on the spectrum. My daughter had always been such a handful, and

I do feel she is left out more with Zach's problems. It's hard to

juggle both of their issues. There is 10 years difference in my

children's ages too.

Maybe it's time to separate yourself from your MOM! Sounds like she

wants to run your life and leave you guilt ridden.

> Yes! Congrats on your third pregnancy!!

>

> I have a terrible fear..... My husband has been talking to me about

wanting

> to have another child.... we've always wanted at least 3, and with

Zachary

> diagnosis, I am scared to death of what could happen with a second.

>

> I went through a lot in the past 2 years.... I remember reading

someone's

> post about her feeling like she did something wrong with her

son.... but in

> my case, not only did I feel like it was my fault.... that I was

doing

> something wrong, but also, my mother and family blamed me. At one

point my

> mother actually threatened to sue and take him away, saying that I

was a

> terrible mother. Now that I know that there was something

medically wrong

> with him.... I worry that there was something I did/didn't do while

I was

> pregnant that caused it.....I had a terrible delivery! They induced

me,

> because the doctor was a complete prick that assumed that I

couldn't handle a

> vaginal delivery if Zach was full term. He was expected to be 12-13

lbs full

> term. So, he induced me a month early.....and it took 3 days for me

to

> finally go into hard labor, which then took 38.5 hours of sheer

bliss. They

> wouldn't let me eat.... or drink, for that matter.... and so by the

time I

> had him, I was severely dehydrated - and both the baby and I had

dangerously

> low blood sugar. All this because I am fat!!!! Shhheeessssh. I

know plenty

> of full figured women that have very healthy pregnancies and

babies..... but

> the whole thing was one mistake after another.

>

> Which brings me to my heartache now. I desperately want more

children. I

> don't want Zachary to be an only child... to one day have no

family around

> him, since I am the youngest of my family..... I couldn't stand

for that to

> happen. But I am literally scared to death to even consider getting

> pregnant..... for the babies health... and because of the torment

that I KNOW

> will come from my mother who is already saying things like " If you

have

> another child..... IT will take time away from Zachary!! " SIGH

>

> Sorry for venting..... any advice?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Whaaa,

Mixed emotions, I know exactly where you are coming from.

We do not want any more children.

I am so happy with the two we have and I feel blessed but at the

same time (three weeks ago) Colin had to sign a declaration to

either allow his sperm to remain in store or allow it perish.

I can't have children (the girls were born through surrogacy) we

signed to allow the sperm to perish and I felt grief...it seemed so

silly but it was really painful like the end of a chapter, and yet

it's only really begun!

I carried the letter in my bag for a week because I didn't want to

post it.

I have now and I just think - 'that's that', I think it hit me hard

because his sperm count will be very low because of the tumour!

We are with you no matter what you decide.

Hugs

Louisa

[Guest guest]

I didnt' get the original to this either :-(

Penny

Re: Venting - New Baby Vs. Dysfunctional

family from HELL

If you do decide to have another baby, go into it prepared and

ready. If you don't feel you're ready now, don't do it!

[Guest guest]

> Sorry for venting..... any advice?

Shoot your mother, and then go find a really wonderful OB or midwife?

Having Gabe proved to me (and to many " friends " and family members) that I

am not a bad mother. Gabe is not quite a typical kid but he proves to me

daily that I didn't do anything wrong with , because I haven't done

things differently with Gabe. He stops when I say no. (Okay, most of the

time. Come on - he's about to be 2! I don't have to make him wear a

leash; he will hold my hand without even being asked when we walk out the

door. I don't have to bolt the furniture to the walls or put 3 locks on the

front door or worry about him breaking the windows if I put the bed next to

one or......

AND...Gabe is the best thing that ever happened to . Seriously.

It's been FABULOUS for him. I can't wait to see how interacts with

the new baby. And I have little doubt that we'll have, or adopt, more

children...when the time is right.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, really. Just sharing my own

experience.

I could go on and on about stupid doctors and hospitals and labor and all of

that, too, but I'll spare you. 's birth was as medical as you

can get without a Cesarean delivery. Gabe was born at home with lay

midwives. I weigh over 300lbs now and this baby will also be born at home

with the same midwives, barring complications of course, but I am considered

very low risk or they wouldn't be providing my care. But anyway...

Good luck. I do know how difficult a decision it is, and having

anti-supportive family only makes it harder...

-Sara.

Wife to Matt

SAHM to (3.5, autism)

Gabe (23 mos, speech delay)

and 'Punkin' due anytime!