Re: How to Be a Hero by Brandt

[Guest guest]

Oh god that was so hilarious! I sat there the whole time going "

HAHA...that is SOOOO my kids! " I agree about the ad people. My kids

think that money comes from the machine, and that they HAVE to have

every single Bionicle, NakNak, Lego, Knex (my list could go on for

days) in the entire collection. Of course, the oh so wonderful people

in the store are SOO willing to help my two wonderful little ASD boys

find their requests )

> 1. Wake up and immediately begin harrassing your mother about the

> fact that YOU think your allowance day should be changed from

Friday

> to Saturday. (Due to the fact that you spent your allowance the day

> before and still NEED to buy more things.)

> 2. Follow said mother throughout the house reminding her that a

good

> way to show love is always money until mother retreats to the

garage

> to have a calming smoke. Follow her into the garage.

> 3. Decide that mother (wearing only a t-shirt and underpants)

> deserves to be left in the garage. Go inside and lock door at

> doorknob.

> 4. Change mind and decide you still need to persuade her further.

> Go into garage after her, pulling locked door shut behind you.

> 5. Decide she is a hopeless case and to return inside to possibly

> work on dad. Discover door is locked. Scream loudly at dad who is

> showering in the basement and hears nothing.

> 6. Open garage door with opener, leaving mom in underwear exposed

to

> neighborhood. Run around the house to the back.

> 7. Enter house from rear and run to locked door yelling " Here I

come

> to save the day! Super Brandt is on the way! "

> 8. Smile when mom hugs you and says, " My hero! "

> 9. Immediately resume harangue about allowance.

>

> Side note from hero's mom. The ad-men who use imperative, bold-

faced

> statements in ads should be shot on sight! The effect of

statements

> like, " Try all five flavors! " , " Try this! " and the most

> insidious, " Collect them all! " on small literal, autistic,

> hyperlectics is LETHAL! They walk around 24/7 with a neon light

sign

> in their heads directing them to comply with this directive from on

> high. WE MUST COLLECT ALL 250+ Pokemon CARDS! It says so right on

> the box! Can't you READ? Leggs

[Guest guest]

Great story!! Glad you got back in.

I started letting my almost 4 yr NT son watch small amounts of Nick

channel recently and within the day started asking for TONS of things and he

didn't even know what most of them were LOL.....Thank God for PBS..I did break

down and buy him " extreme Jell-O " one week (tasted one and was all done with

those) and " Go-gurt " one week and he and both loved those.

How to Be a Hero by Brandt

1. Wake up and immediately begin harrassing your mother about the

fact that YOU think your allowance day should be changed from Friday

to Saturday. (Due to the fact that you spent your allowance the day

before and still NEED to buy more things.)

2. Follow said mother throughout the house reminding her that a good

way to show love is always money until mother retreats to the garage

to have a calming smoke. Follow her into the garage.

3. Decide that mother (wearing only a t-shirt and underpants)

deserves to be left in the garage. Go inside and lock door at

doorknob.

4. Change mind and decide you still need to persuade her further.

Go into garage after her, pulling locked door shut behind you.

5. Decide she is a hopeless case and to return inside to possibly

work on dad. Discover door is locked. Scream loudly at dad who is

showering in the basement and hears nothing.

6. Open garage door with opener, leaving mom in underwear exposed to

neighborhood. Run around the house to the back.

7. Enter house from rear and run to locked door yelling " Here I come

to save the day! Super Brandt is on the way! "

8. Smile when mom hugs you and says, " My hero! "

9. Immediately resume harangue about allowance.

Side note from hero's mom. The ad-men who use imperative, bold-faced

statements in ads should be shot on sight! The effect of statements

like, " Try all five flavors! " , " Try this! " and the most

insidious, " Collect them all! " on small literal, autistic,

hyperlectics is LETHAL! They walk around 24/7 with a neon light sign

in their heads directing them to comply with this directive from on

high. WE MUST COLLECT ALL 250+ Pokemon CARDS! It says so right on

the box! Can't you READ? Leggs

[Guest guest]

> 6. Open garage door with opener, leaving mom in underwear exposed to

> neighborhood. Run around the house to the back.

Well...at least you didn't have to do it...??? (searching desperately for

the upside, while also congratulating self for designating an indoor room as

the smoking room, as insensitive to my housemates as that may be...LOL)

>

> Side note from hero's mom. The ad-men who use imperative, bold-faced

> statements in ads should be shot on sight! The effect of statements

> like, " Try all five flavors! " , " Try this! " and the most

> insidious, " Collect them all! " on small literal, autistic,

> hyperlectics is LETHAL!

I utterly second this sentiment. takes all ad statements as prime

directives.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

>

> That ws Fruit Gushers at my house. I was surprised (literally)

that he

> didn't think his head would turn into a fruit after eating

one...anyway,

> after one bite it was all over, leaving me to finish the box...and

Fruit

> Gushers are DISTUGUSTING!

>

> Jacquie

Brandt, too, had to have Fruit Gushers. However, he DID have some

trepidation about his head turning into a fruit, so he made ME try

one while he observed carefully for any signs of head mutations.

They are totally disgusting! Once he was sure they were safe, he

tasted them. He, too, thought they were disgusting. Thanks to the

admen I wasted money on yet another product that he hated. They

reminded me of the gum they used to have that had a liquid center

that gushed out when you chewed it. We called it " Cum Gum " because,

well...you know why. Leggs

[Guest guest]

> I started letting my almost 4 yr NT son watch small amounts of Nick

channel recently and within the day started asking for TONS of things and he

didn't even know what most of them were LOL.....Thank God for PBS..I did

break down and buy him " extreme Jell-O " one week (tasted one and was all

done with those) >

That ws Fruit Gushers at my house. I was surprised (literally) that he

didn't think his head would turn into a fruit after eating one...anyway,

after one bite it was all over, leaving me to finish the box...and Fruit

Gushers are DISTUGUSTING!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

LOL!

> Side note from hero's mom. The ad-men who use imperative, bold-faced

> statements in ads should be shot on sight! The effect of statements

> like, " Try all five flavors! " , " Try this! " and the most

> insidious, " Collect them all! " on small literal, autistic,

> hyperlectics is LETHAL! They walk around 24/7 with a neon light sign

> in their heads directing them to comply with this directive from on

> high. WE MUST COLLECT ALL 250+ Pokemon CARDS! It says so right on

> the box! Can't you READ? Leggs

[Guest guest]

There is a clear moral here.

Get dressed before you go out to the garage to escape obsessive young autie.

>

> Side note from hero's mom. The ad-men who use imperative, bold-faced

> statements in ads should be shot on sight!

I had no television for eleven years, so Enrique spent his earliest years

unaffected by that particular evil. But I remember visiting my parents'

house and having Enrique, who was about four or five but a very good reader,

read a Kix cereal box and then instantly pull down a bowl and fill it up.

The box said, " Kids love it! "

Enrique ate thoughtfully and then told me, " Well, I LIKE it, but I don't

love it. "

The beginnings of skepticism. Enough disappointments and it does come.

Now he is almost cynical about advertisement, I am happy to say, and the day

will come for Brandt too.

Salli