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I woke up in a perfectly awful mood today. And I'm not surprised ...

yesterday I went to observe 3-year old preschool classrooms at my county

mrdd school. Despite my best efforts, I wallowed in a highly depressive

mood last night ... which I also expected.

Each time I take a step forward towards addressing Jordan's needs

(hiring therapists, getting him in EI preschool, MFE planning meeting,

etc), I end up feeling blue, depressed, " why me? " " woe is me " kinda of

attitude. The next day I'm a bitch, because I literally feel at the end

of my rope, like it's stretched so tight it's gonna snap.

Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?????? I'm not even talking

about " cures " for my son ... though, if anyone has a magic want they can

wave I'll give you everything I own to wave it over Jordan. No,

seriously, I'm talking about for myself. I want to be able to function

in my son's best interest without the " crash & burn " effect happening

after every step. This is the part of the " rollercoaster " that I'm

really having trouble handling.

I want acceptance without giving up, you know? I'm in for a rocky rocky

road if I can't figure out how to handle this ... he goes to special

needs preschool in the fall and I have all the meetings, forms, tests,

observations to do between now and then. I'm gonna go nuts if I'm this

depressed after each and every one of these steps.

Debbie with twins, who is once again in a " Why me? Why Jordan? Why

Autism? " crappy-assed mood again.

- Jordan (ASD) 2.5yo

- (NT) 2.5yo

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