Don't like my kid much lately.

[Guest guest]

I think he's starting to really push the boundaries of his own emotions and the

expression of them. That should be a good thing. But he is REALLY unlikable.

This morning on the way to school we passed Ben on his bike. He was wearing

pajamas. I guess it was pajama day at school. FREAKED. He started

screaming at me, saying *I* forgot it was pajama day, it was all MY fault, and

we HAD to go home and change into pajamas.

I told him that HE DIDN'T TELL ME it was pajama day, so how was *I* supposed to

know? (no, school sent me nothing)

So then he started screaming how there was a literacy meeting tonight with a

pajama party for the kids during it. I knew about this. He wants to go to

literacy night. I have NO intention of taking him to this pj party (which runs

an hour past bedtime) so I can spend 2 hours listening to someone telling me how

to teach my child to read when he already is a good reader. So then he started

SCREAMING at me about that.

So when I dropped him at school he hugged the dog goodbye, kissed her, looked at

me and said, " I hate you " and left.

<sigh>

I am trying really hard to find the positive attitude to rejoice in this

expressiveness, but so far I haven't found it.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 3:35:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time, trudynme@...

writes:

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection

That's a bullshit MYTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! has gotton to the point now

where she'll smack me and then right after say momma are you ok? It's just

something you need to work on. At do2learn.com they have faces we printed

them out and did drills with them. Who is sad? Who is happy? Then we moved

onto How do I feel and really emphasis the faces. Then we moved onto in

front of a mirror having her make a face and we needed to tell her what it

was.

Sometimes she can't read my face or other peoples but never say NEVER.

Hugs

[Guest guest]

Jacquie,

first off, sorry you had such a rough time...but must say thank you for phrasing

the sub line this way...i have been feeling SO guilty for loving my son but

really disliking him alot...back at Christamas when he came down i was so

excited to see him at the airport(hadden't seem him since early summer) but by

day 2 of him being here i was going nuts..now faced with him most likely moving

back in here i have been just wallowing in guilt cause i don't like the

attitude, etc..and was feeling awful about wishing there were ANY other way

besides him moving in here and making life that rough for all of us again...it

is so comforting to know that i am not hte only parent that thinks 'i love my

kid with all my heart, but don't like him/her all the time "

Missy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 4/30/03 8:12:05 PM Eastern Daylight Time,

moretuna@... writes:

> Keion may not show affection the way other kids do,

> but he will care for you, in his own way, in his own

> time.

>

> Tuna

>

>

>

>

thanks to everyone-guess when you love someone as much as we love him you

want him to experience it too.you are the best group!

The Grammas & Keion

[Guest guest]

Poor Jacquie. I think you're getting a dose of nt-ness that is the less

pleasant side. Too bad you can't get the good parts with it, huh? I don't

know how many times I've told my mom I hate her but it's gotta be up

there...didn't mean it of course. I think Raena is right in that it is

something kids say when they are overwhelmed with angry emotions. Also, the

part about autistic people assuming everyone knows what they know. That

makes sense. Dh tells me I do that and I probably do. I get so irritated

when he asks me " dumb " questions. Sorry you have to deal with this too.

But I do know that inside.....maybe very deeply inside (lol)...you know that

this is a positive step for . Now he just needs to learn how to express

his emotions in a more useful way. Hugs to you though until that happens.

Tamara

mom to Ebony, 5 years old, asd, adhd, bipolar

and , 2, polish (lol)

wife to Terry

>

>Reply-To: parenting_autism

>To: <parenting_autism >

>CC: " Janet "

>Subject: Don't like my kid much lately.

>Date: Wed, 30 Apr 2003 09:40:59 -0500

>

>

>I think he's starting to really push the boundaries of his own emotions and

>the expression of them. That should be a good thing. But he is REALLY

>unlikable.

>

>This morning on the way to school we passed Ben on his bike. He was

>wearing pajamas. I guess it was pajama day at school. FREAKED. He

>started screaming at me, saying *I* forgot it was pajama day, it was all MY

>fault, and we HAD to go home and change into pajamas.

>

>I told him that HE DIDN'T TELL ME it was pajama day, so how was *I*

>supposed to know? (no, school sent me nothing)

>

>So then he started screaming how there was a literacy meeting tonight with

>a pajama party for the kids during it. I knew about this. He wants to go

>to literacy night. I have NO intention of taking him to this pj party

>(which runs an hour past bedtime) so I can spend 2 hours listening to

>someone telling me how to teach my child to read when he already is a good

>reader. So then he started SCREAMING at me about that.

>

>So when I dropped him at school he hugged the dog goodbye, kissed her,

>looked at me and said, " I hate you " and left.

>

><sigh>

>

>I am trying really hard to find the positive attitude to rejoice in this

>expressiveness, but so far I haven't found it.

>

>Jacquie

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think Keion will love you, and probably does now. It is simply harder

for our kids to express it, like Jacquie said. Predicting a child's

response to you at such a young age is difficult at best. Keep the

faith. I know it's hard.

Maggie

________________________________________________________________

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[Guest guest]

last week, during spring break, kailey was having a really hard time. lots of

screaming and such. well, one time i told her i was gonna get her a drink and

she was gonna go sit down and relax. she replied " well you're going to sit down

and break yourself and fall dead " :-|

~~~ Imagine all the people, living life in peace - Lennon ~~~

-------------------------

gina, 31, ny

single mom to -

kailey, 8, autism, hyperlexia, depression, anxiety, OCD, DSI

trevor, 3, multiple developmental delays, no " official " dx yet

parker jade, due 7-25-03 :-D

[Guest guest]

I know it has been said that autistic individuals do not feel emotions as we

do, and do not experience " love " as we think of it. Certainly there have

been periods where I believed this. But as time has passed, and n's

awareness has increased, I feel very confident that he loves me *in his

way*. He cares very much if I leave, even if Daddy is home with him. He

comes running to me when the speech therapist upsets him. There are other

signs, but the important thing is that I think you will come to know them

in time.

n also bites, scratches and hits me. And in a strange way, these are

also signs of love too. He does not act out this way with anyone else

(sometimes with dh, but less so). I know it is because he feels very

comfortable with me and that I have earned his trust. I didn't used to

believe this (that acting out was actually a sign of security), but I do now

100%.

Autie kids are really tough in the 18 mo to 3 age while they struggle to

acquire language, but it *will* get better.

And, yes, Keion loves you very much.

(SAHM in GA)

MSN elizabethloht@...

n 33, mo, no formal dx

Phoebe, 11 wks

> Sometimes I wonder if Keion has any idea that we love him-he hates

> affection-but loves to wrestle and deep pressure will calm him in second

..He

> also screams if you get near his face to kiss him.

> He is very big for his age-will be 2 next month but looks like a 4-5

year

> old in height and build.He is very strong and hurts us with

pinching,biting

> and kicking.He seems very happy doing it.We have to give our cat away this

> week because the cat adores Keion but Keion tortures the poor thing

> My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

> about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

> he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

> The Grammas & Keion

>

[Guest guest]

>it is so comforting to know that i am not hte only parent that thinks 'i

love my kid with all my heart, but don't like him/her all the time "

> Missy

If it makes you feel any better, my mom said it to my face once. " I love

you, but I don't like you much right now. " And believe me, at that moment if

the tables were turned, I'd have said the same thing.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> last week, during spring break, kailey was having a really hard time. lots

of screaming and such. well, one time i told her i was gonna get her a drink

and she was gonna go sit down and relax. she replied " well you're going to

sit down and break yourself and fall dead " :-|

>

WOW! Totally mean, but how totally EXPRESSIVE!!!!!!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

>

> I think he's starting to really push the boundaries of his own

emotions and the expression of them. That should be a good thing.

But he is REALLY unlikable.

> I am trying really hard to find the positive attitude to rejoice in

this expressiveness, but so far I haven't found it.

>

> Jacquie

>

>

I've had days like this... totally

I usually wait til he's asleep.. then go in and look at him.. he's

much sweeter when he's sleeping.

Cause sometimes when he's awake,it's just toooo much.

Kerri

[Guest guest]

I think he's getting frustrated with his lack of control of things and is

responding to the feeling of anger and not being able to think through how

to deal with it and can't express it appropriately. Just my 2 cents worth.

By the way, I've lived with this kid too. Glad he's visiting you for now!

Sue

[Guest guest]

I disagree with what you were told! I truly believe that even the most

severe kids know that they are safe with us. In the future, you may find

that you get more of the trouble behavior from him than his teachers do (if

not now even). This is because our kids trust us to be there and love them

so much so that they are comfortable letting themselves go when they are

with us. Don't ever let someone tell you that it's because you don't try to

control him or you are too easy on him. It's because he loves you that he

can release himself and feel safe doing so.

Not letting you near his face is simply a sensory issue for him. Will he

allow you to kiss the top of his head? This is where would allow me

to kiss him until he was about 10. Then once we started him on meds, he

gave me his cheek and for the first time told me he loved me! (and this is

a very high functioning kid who is totally verbal!)

Since he likes deep pressure, what about bear hugs? Or how about laying on

him (holding up a bit of your weight on your elbows and knees) and you can

cradle his head in your hands or arms? This way you get the physical hug

and he gets pleasure from it. Not allowing light touch means to him it

could feel like pain, so everything you do should be with more pressure than

you would normally use.

Don't get discouraged and don't give up!!

Sue

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>>

My question is this-someone told us Keion will probably not care much

about us as far as affection goes that as long as someone cares for his

needs

he probably could care less who it is. Is that typical?It makes me so sad.

The Grammas & Keion

<<<<<<<

Oh I disagree with this.

In my personal experience, there is a certain amount of " aloofness " in

Jacqui, and there is no doubt that she relates to me as the person who can

most meet her needs, but their is ALSO no doubt that she loves us...

She is genuinely happy to see her Dad and I if either one of us has been

away.

the " not caring as long as his needs are met " is a myth.

Penny